


Spring Brings New Life

by motherbearof3



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Family, Fluff, IVF, Marriage, Pregnancy, Romance, Threatened Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-04-17 02:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 54,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14178117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherbearof3/pseuds/motherbearof3
Summary: Olivia is reminded of something she did in her past that could affect her future with Rafael.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had been thinking about this plot for a while since I saw a rerun a few weeks ago of "Inconceivable" from S9 and decided to run with it this week after I saw that photo of Raul holding Lauren Noble's baby, because Barba and a baby -- what could be better? I have no experience with IVF so everything I'm writing is based on internet research.

Opening mail was not one of Olivia Benson’s strong suits. She tended to let it pile up. Hence why all her bills were electronically delivered to her email or set up to be automatically paid. So the only real mail she got was a couple magazines each month that she always said she was going to read and never did, advertisements and junk mail. Rafael Barba on the other hand, while his bills were paid the same ways, was meticulous about about opening his mail and once they moved in together this was one habit of hers that truly drove him crazy. At first, he would bring her the mail every couple weeks and ask her to at least look through it to see if there was anything important she needed to open. Finally she just threw her hands in the air and told him to open it himself. She had nothing to hide.

Once in a while the mail still piled up a little, both hers and his, if they had a particular busy week; which is how he came to be sitting at the kitchen table on Friday after Noah was in bed, going through a stack of envelopes. He came to one that had been forwarded from her old apartment. The return address was embossed and listed the name of clinic he didn’t recognize.

“Liv, honey, you might want to open this one yourself.” He held the envelope out to her.

“Barba, just open it,” she said, continuing to fold the pile of clean clothes between them on the table. Laundry was another thing that had piled up that week. “I told you, I have nothing to hide.”

He knew her use of his last name was because she was doing her least favorite household chore, not because she was annoyed with him. Holding back a sigh, he slid the letter opener under the flap and sliced open the top. Reaching inside, he pulled out a thick piece of stationery and unfolded it. As he began reading, his eyebrows rose in surprise.

“Olivia, you really ought to take a look at this.” 

His use of her full name caught her attention and she finished folding one of Noah’s small shirts and reached for her glasses that were sat on the magazine she had started to look at before the dryer buzzed. Taking the letter from his outstretched hand, she began to read.

 

**_Dear Ms. Benson,_ **

**_I am writing to inform you that it has been 10 years since your eggs were harvested and frozen. That is the maximum amount of time we at the clinic will store frozen ovum as anything beyond that affects viability._ **

**_You have 30 days from the date of this letter to notify us whether you would like to fertilize and implant any/all of them or would prefer they be destroyed…..._ **

 

Olivia vision blurred and she stopped reading. Her mind went back 10 years to the conversation she’d had with her then partner, Eliot Stabler, about pursuing single parent adoption with an agency. She had been turned down due to her type of employment and lack of familial support and was devastated. That was during a case where frozen embryos were stolen from a fertility clinic and it got her to thinking. When the case was resolved, she visited another clinic in the city and discussed freezing not embryos, but eggs that could someday be thawed, fertilized either with her partner or husband’s sperm and either implanted in her or a surrogate. She was 40 at the time, in no serious relationship, but still hoped someday to have a family. The process wasn’t pleasant; injecting herself with hormones to stimulate her ovaries into producing multiple eggs and then laying on the table to have them harvested. No one at the precinct knew about it, and if she was honest with herself, she had forgotten all about it; especially once Noah came into her life. But now, in black and white, she was being reminded of the potential for her to have a biological child.

Rafael knew what the letter said of course, having skimmed it before turning it over to her, but it was a complete surprise to him. She’d never mentioned anything about this to him, and judging by the look on her face, had forgotten about it herself.

“Liv? Are you okay?” He got up and rounded the table to touch her arm. At the contact, she was brought out of her reverie. Exhaling deeply, she removed her glasses and dropped them on the table, along with the letter. She looked at Rafael, at the concern for her in his eyes.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine,” she assured him, running her hands through her dark locks. “But I think I need a drink.”

He nodded. “I’ll get it. Meet me on the couch.”

She crossed the room and sank down on the couch in front of the fireplace. It needed to be cleaned out, she thought, now that winter was finally over and spring weather was upon them. He joined her a few minutes later, handing her a glass of wine, his preferred scotch in his other.

“Want to tell me about it?” he asked, gesturing toward the table where the letter lay.

“I guess I did have something to hide,” she chuckled, taking a sip from her glass. Then she proceeded to tell him the story behind the letter, finishing with, “I just forgot all about it.”

“Isn’t there a storage fee?” the attorney asked.

“Automatically paid once a year,” Olivia said with a shrug.

“It said you needed to notify them 30 days from the date of the letter,” he said. “That was almost two weeks ago, because it was forwarded from your old address. So you have about two more to make a decision. What are you going to do?”

Her brown eyes looked into his green. “I don’t know, Rafa. I don’t know. Ten years ago I wanted to have a child. A family. Now I have Noah. And you.” She smiled and reached out to touch his face. He grasped her hand and kissed her palm.

“But I don’t know if I can just let them be destroyed, either. There’s a potential for life there. What do you think I should do?”

Rafael bit his lower lip. “That’s a big decision, Liv. They’re your eggs. I don’t know that I have a say in it.”

“Of course you do!” She insisted. They’d been together for more than a year and living together for half of it. Although there hadn’t been any discussion of marriage, he’d been added as an emergency contact for Noah and given her power of attorney. She felt confident they would definitely still be squabbling at 85.

“So,” he drew out the vowel, “you’re saying if you wanted to fertilize those eggs, you -- you’d want me do it?”

Before meeting Olivia, Barba had never seen himself as a family man. None of the other women he’d dated felt like ones he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Then she came along. With dark eyes that could light with fire of anger at suspect or soften with compassion for the most broken of victims, she worked her way under his skin and into his heart. It took them five years to realize they had more than feelings of friendship for each other. But by then they were best friends. Becoming lovers only improved their relationship. He had gradually come to love Noah as much as he did his mother, and the boy clearly returned the sentiment. He referred to him as Uncle Rafa and in recent months Rafael had began seriously filling the role of father in the boy’s life; attending his t-ball and soccer practices and games and helping with homework and discipline. But having a child that was biologically his -- that had his DNA; that was something he had never really considered. Until the last few moments. And he couldn’t deny it both thrilled and terrified him.

“I don’t know if that’s what I want to do with them, but if I did, then yes, absolutely. God, Rafa. Imagine. A child that’s a part of you and me.”   


“Frightening, isn’t it?” he joked. “Two people with messed up childhoods making another human.”

She knew he was partly serious and wanted to ease his mind; because even though she felt fairly confident she, no, they were raising Noah well, there was always her own relationship with her mother to consider and she knew he’d had a rocky and somewhat violent one with his father. 

“I don’t know, we’re doing a pretty good job with the one we’ve already got,” she said, putting  her wineglass down before scooting over on the couch and to lean against him, her head on his chest. His tumbler joined hers and he put his arms around her, rubbing his hands on her back. “Let’s go to bed. We don’t have to decide tonight.”

They spent the night in each other’s arms. Every time one moved away, the other snuggled closer, as if even asleep, they knew they needed the comfort of touch. Rafael dreamed of a dark haired, green eyed child; while Olivia woke in the middle of the night from one where she watched a doctor in a white coat throw a container of frozen eggs in an incinerator, telling her, “You waited too long to make a decision.”

Morning came and she was no closer to knowing what to do than she had been the night before. However she did call the clinic and let them know she had just received the letter. They were sympathetic but said the deadline would be enforced. The weekend kept them busy with the distractions of Noah’s activities and household chores, along with Sunday brunch with Lucia. Olivia asked Rafael not to mention their current dilemma to his mother who, she knew, would be all in favor of another grandchild. He agreed.

Monday brought back to school and work and Olivia and Rafael went their separate ways for the day. Late in the day she had a break and decided to see if he had some free time as well. She’d texted him but gotten no reply and hoped he hadn’t been called into court unexpectedly. She was still on the fence about the frozen eggs but knew she needed to make a decision soon. Exiting the elevator she entered his outer office where Carmen normally sat, but she was out on maternity leave. Olivia couldn’t remember if she’d had her baby yet or not or how long she’d been gone; only that a string of temps had kept Rafael in a sour mood, every day telling her he couldn’t wait until Carmen came back. Today the desk was empty again and she wondered who had made who leave this time.

She stopped short at the doorway as if she had run into a wall. Rafael was standing beside his desk holding…..a baby. Both his jacket and tie were off. He was in just shirtsleeves and suspenders and the sleeping infant was cradled in his arms, his large hand half the length of her? his? tiny body. She couldn’t tell from the black and white outfit and yellow booties whether it was a boy or girl. But it was the look on his face that threatened to turn her into a puddle of goo. He was gazing at the baby as if it was the most wonderful thing he’d ever seen. She must have made a sound, because he picked up his head and smiled widely at seeing her.

“Liv, come see. This is Carmen’s daughter, Camilla. Isn’t she beautiful?” The baby began to move a little in his arms, and he instinctively bounced ever so slightly on the balls of his feet to soothe her.

Olivia put one hand on his back and ran a finger across the top of the infant’s head, gently touching her soft dark hair. Leaning against him she whispered, “She is, Rafael. She is beautiful.”

The moment was broken by Carmen’s return to the office. “Hello, Lieutenant Benson,” she said.

“Hello, Carmen. Congratulations. She’s beautiful.”

“Thank you. And thank you, Mr. Barba for holding her while I ran down to HR,” Carmen said.

“Carmen’s coming back part time starting next week,” he told Olivia, relief clear on his face. “And the pleasure was all mine. She’s an angel.”

“She’s sleeping,” the new mother laughed. “You wouldn’t say that if you heard her at 2 a.m. when she’s hungry and I have to change her diaper first.”

She reached out to take her daughter from Barba’s arms and he reluctantly, it seemed to Olivia, relinquished his hold. He watched intently while the baby was buckled into her carrier that was snapped into a stroller. 

“I’ll see you next week, Mr. Barba,” Carmen said. “Nice to see you again, Lieutenant.”

“You too, Carmen. He’ll be counting the hours until Monday.” Olivia chuckled, patting Rafael’s arm.

After mother and daughter had gone, Olivia turned to him and said, “It looked like you enjoyed that, Rafa.”

He gave her that little half smile. “I did. She’s so soft and warm and tiny and precious. But what brought you, Liv? I know you didn’t come to see the baby, since you didn’t know she was here.”

“No, I came to see if you had time to talk, but I think I just made up my mind.”

“About the eggs?”

“Yes. If you’re still on board, I think I’d like to try and make one of those little humans with you.”

He pulled her into a tight embrace and murmured into her hair, “You know I am. Yes, let’s do it.” Then he kissed her. When it ended, she said softly,

“I love you, Rafa.”

“No more than I you,” he replied. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia and Rafael take the next steps to expand their family.

They called the clinic and made an appointment for later that week. The first decision they needed to make was whether the fertilized embryos would be transferred into Olivia or a surrogate. Since she was determined to be in good health, albeit advanced maternal age, the doctor said he would transfer them to her if she so desired. The couple lay in bed a few days later quietly talking about it.

“I’m 50 years old, Rafael. The embryos may not even implant,” she said, her head on his shoulder, tracing patterns on his chest.

“They said you’re a good candidate and the eggs they’ll be fertilizing are healthier than if you got pregnant the old fashioned way. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy trying, mind you.” She felt, rather than heard a chuckle rumble in his chest. He rolled onto his side, pushing her onto her back and ran his hand over her flat stomach. “I’d love to see you pregnant with my child. But it’s your body, Liv.”

She gazed into his green eyes and thought about being large with his baby growing inside her.

“I want to try,” she whispered, pulling his head down to kiss him.

Olivia accompanied Rafael to the clinic the day he went to provide his part of the equation. He was handed a cup similar to ones used for urine samples and escorted to a small room while she remained in the waiting room. About 30 minutes later she got a text from him.

_-Can you come here?_

_Something wrong? Call the nurse._

_-No, I need you._

Pocketing her phone, Olivia put down the magazine she was flipping through and walked down the hall to his room. She knocked and he opened the door a crack, peeking out at her.

“Come in here.” He stepped back behind the door and she pushed it open enough to enter, closing it behind her and taking in his appearance with a raised eyebrow. His was undressed down to his boxers, undershirt and socks. The specimen cup sat open and empty on the nearby counter.

“What’s the matter?”

He gestured toward his groin. “I - ah - I need some help.”

She bit back a smile. “We could have done this at home, remember? And brought it in.”

“No, no.” Rafael shook his head. “I want them to have the freshest possible, er, contribution.”

“Okay,” Olivia smiled this time. “What can I do?”

Later, after handing over the successfully filled specimen cup, they were told it would be added to the eggs and checked for fertilization the next day and went home to wait. They hadn’t told Noah anything about what they were doing, because it was too complicated to explain to a six year old. When either Olivia or a surrogate was pregnant and beyond the risk of miscarriage, then they would tell him he was going to be a big brother. Those 24 hours felt like an eternity and Olivia grabbed her phone eagerly when she recognized the clinic’s phone number.

“Hello? Yes. Yes, I understand. That would be fine. Okay. See you then. Thank you.” She ended the call and looked at Rafael. He could tell by the smile on her face it was good news.

“It worked?”

“It worked! All of the eggs were fertilized,” she told him. “They scheduled me for the transfer procedure.”

 

Five days later Olivia lay on an exam table, gowned and covered with a sheet, her feet in stirrups, waiting for the doctor to come into the procedure room. She’d been told the procedure would feel similar to a Pap smear but her stomach was still alive with nerves. Wiping a damp palm on the sheet, she held her hand out to Rafael who was sitting in a chair beside her. He clasped it firmly in both of his after kissing it.

“Not long now,” he assured her.

As if he’d heard, the door opened and the doctor came in, followed by a nurse carrying a tray of instruments which included a long, straw looking item that they knew from the information provided to them to be the transfer catheter, already filled with the embryos.

“Ready to get pregnant, Ms. Benson?” the doctor asked, trying to lighten the mood after seeing her serious face.

Olivia smiled tightly, but Rafael quipped, “I told her we could light some candles and play music if she wanted. To make it more romantic.”

The doctor and nurse chuckled, having heard similar comments before. Olivia rolled her eyes but Barba could see her body relax a bit and gave her hand a squeeze, his objective accomplished. Standing, he positioned himself beside the table close to her chest and shoulder and reached out to caress her cheek.

“Just look at me, Liv,” he instructed, as the doctor began the procedure, explaining what he was doing. She locked her brown eyes with his green, but closed them with a slight wince when she felt the catheter being inserted. Rafael glanced away from her face to the ultrasound screen. He didn’t know what he was looking at, but knew it showed the doctor transferring the embryos — _their_ embryos — into Olivia’s womb and swallowed a sudden lump of emotion that formed in his throat.

“And we’re done,” the doctor declared.

Olivia opened her eyes and looked at the man standing beside her. She frowned slightly when she saw him trying to control his emotions. Thinking he was concerned about her, she reached up to touch his face.

“Hey, I’m good. Didn’t feel a thing.”

He bent over and pressed kiss to her forehead and whispered, “ _Te quiero mucho._ I love you so much.”

Before she could reply the doctor went on to explain she needed to remain on her back in the room for an hour before they could go home.

“Normally I recommend modified bed rest for a day, but given your age, I’d like you to do it for two. You don’t have to stay in bed, just restrict the amount of time on your feet. What do the kids say? Just Netflix and chill.”

They shared a laugh before he continued.

“On Saturday you can resume your regular activities -- work, walking. But no exercise; nothing that unnecessarily jostles your uterus. Of course, that means no sex. At least until we get the result of the pregnancy test.”

“When will that be? The test, not the sex,” Olivia amended seeing the smirk on Barba’s face.

“We’ll do a blood test in about ten or twelve days,” the doctor told them. “As much as you may want to, don’t do a home test. They just aren’t accurate enough this soon. But the blood test will definitely give us a result.” He pulled the end of the table out so she could remove her feet from the stirrups and patted Olivia’s arm. “The nurse will be back to tell you when you can get up.”

“Two days off your feet?” Rafael raised his eyebrows at her. “Can you manage that? With work and Noah?”

“I already put in for a couple personal days starting today. I wasn’t sure what he was going to tell me. From what I’ve read, I figured it would be at least one day,” Olivia told him. “As for Noah, we can either have Lucy come and stay after school until you get home or tell your mother about all this -- “ she gestured toward her abdomen “and ask her to take him for a couple days. Unless you can take some time?”

He shook his head. “I can’t. I need to go to the office once we get you home. We begin voir dire with a new jury tomorrow.”

After leaving the District Attorney’s office, Barba had gone to work as a jury consultant.

“Lucy would be happy to help out I’m sure, but what do we tell Noah about me staying home from work and just sitting on my ass?” She laughed. “I’m clearly not sick.”

“You hurt your back?” He hated lying to the boy and he knew Olivia did as well, but the odds of them successfully ending up with a healthy baby were small and hard for a six year old to understand.

“That might work. Although I really think we need to let Lucy in on the secret, so she understands why I’m not going to let him jump on me, for instance,” she said, squirming and trying to get comfortable on the hard padding. “If he doesn’t let me up soon though, my back really might be hurting.”

Rafael looked at his watch. “Not too much longer. Do you want another pillow?” There was an extra one on the shelf above where she’d hung her clothes.

“Please.”

He retrieved it and helped her raise her head and shoulders enough to slide it on top of the one already there.

“Better?”

“Yes, thanks.”

“Anything for the mother of my child,” he smiled at her.

“You know,” she said with a smirk. “He transferred more than one embryo. We could end up with twins…..or triplets.”

His smile faltered a little. “Twins?”

“Or triplets.”

Before she could tease him more, the door opened and the nurse came in. “You can get up now, Ms. Benson. Just stop at the desk on your way out to schedule your appointment for the pregnancy test.”

“Finally!” Olivia huffed and extended her arm, “Help me sit up, please?”

Rafael put an arm around her back and gently helped her into a sitting position. She scooted down the table so her legs hung off the end and stretched side to side.

“I’ll get your clothes,” he said.

“Rafa, I can stand up to get dressed,” she laughed, sliding off the table and padding to where her clothes were hung. He admired her naked backside revealed by the open back of the hospital gown. “Are you looking at my butt?”

“Always.”

While she dressed, he checked his phone for any emails that had come in. As she was buttoning her blouse she said, “Would you text Lucy and ask her to meet us at home first before she picks up Noah? Then we can fill her in.”

Olivia scheduled her appointment for the blood test and they went outside to the Uber that Rafael had summoned. He said he didn’t want her standing around waiting for a cab. Upon arriving home, he helped her from the car and kept a firm arm around her waist as they walked into the building. While they waited for the elevator he tapped his foot impatiently and Olivia was afraid he was going to tell her to sit down or scoop her up in his arms. She suppressed a sigh of annoyance when they finally got into the apartment and led her to the couch.

“Sit,” he ordered, and picked up her legs to swing them around onto the cushions after she did. “Do you want a blanket? Something to drink? Eat?”

He was saved from her eye roll by Lucy coming into the apartment.

“Are you alright, Liv? I was right behind you and saw Mr. Barba with his arm around you like you needed help walking.” The younger woman looked worried seeing her employer and friend sitting on the couch with Rafael hovering nearby.

“I’m fine, Lucy,” she assured her. “But have a seat. We need to talk to you before Noah gets home.”

Olivia moved her legs to the floor, ignoring Barba’s mild glare, and gestured for Lucy to sit down.

“It's a long story that began long before I met either of you, but the important part is that Rafael and I are trying to have a baby. I had an IVF embryo transfer procedure today.”

“And she needs to take it easy for a couple days,” he broke in. “Staying off her feet, no lifting —“

“So we’d like you to stay once Noah gets home from school today and tomorrow to help me with him until Rafa gets home,” Olivia finished, with a raised eyebrow at him.

Lucy had been smiling and nodding since she heard the word baby. She was so happy for both of them when they finally became a couple and thought a baby would be a wonderful addition to their family.

“Oh my gosh that’s wonderful news! I’m so happy for you!” She moved toward Olivia but stopped. “Can I hug you?”

Liv laughed. “Of course you can! I’m not going to break. The rest is just to make sure the transfer takes and allow the embryos to implant.” She accepted the embrace from her. “We aren’t telling anyone else just yet, but wanted you to know so you could help with Noah.”

Lucy nodded. “My lips are sealed. Do you want me to take Noah to the park after school?”

“That would be great, Lucy,” said Rafael. He looked at his watch. “I need to get to the office. I’ll pick up dinner.” He pointed a finger at Olivia. “You stay where you are until I get home.”

This time he did get an eye roll. “Rafael, I’m fine,” she said, feeling that was a statement she was going to be making a lot in the near future.

“Humor me, okay?” He bent over to kiss her, letting his lips linger.

She placed a loving palm on the side of his face. “Go. The sooner you get there, the sooner you’re home.”

After both he and Lucy had left, Olivia checked her emails and texted Fin to see what was going on, getting a “Nothing you need to worry about. Personal days are so you can do personal things, not work.” reply. She smiled, put the phone on the coffee table and kicked off her shoes. Shifting so she could put her legs up on the cushions, she covered her flat abdomen with both hands.

“Okay, kiddos. I’ll do what I’m supposed to and you do your thing, all right?”

She decided a little nap wouldn’t be a bad thing after all and pulled the soft blanket off the back of the couch. Closing her eyes she drifted off, dreaming about smiling green eyed babies.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're enjoying this as much as I am. Please let me know what you think. 
> 
> As always these lovely characters aren't mine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia takes it easy following the IVF procedure, Rafael hovers and they have a small argument.

Olivia woke to the sound of Noah whispering, “Can I wake Momma up now?”

“Not yet,” she heard Rafael tell him. “Let’s get dinner set out first.”

“Momma is awake,” she said, opening her eyes and pushing into a sitting position from where she’d slid down on the couch as she slept.

“You’re awake!” Noah ran from the kitchen to her side.

“Easy, Noah,” Barba cautioned and the boy skidded to a halt a foot from the couch.

“For God’s sake, Rafa! Come here, sweet boy.” She held out her arms and he climbed onto her lap for a hug. “Did you have a good time with Lucy at the park?” Olivia buried her nose in his curls. At six, he had all but lost that baby smell. Just the lingering scent of the no more tears shampoo she used on his hair reminded her of his infancy. Soon, though, there might be another sweet smelling baby in her arms.

“I did. How is your back? Lucy and Rafa said you hurt your back.”

“My back? -- oh, my back is a little sore, but it’s feeling better. Another day of rest tomorrow and it should be good as new.”

“Noah, go wash your hands, please,” Rafael called from the kitchen where he was finishing plating their meals. The boy hopped off her lap and ran to his bathroom. She threw the blanket back, swung her feet to the floor and stood up, stretching.

“I was bringing the plates in there, Liv.”

She padded into the kitchen and pressed a kiss to the five o’clock shadow on his cheek. “I have to pee, Rafael. I’m allowed to pee.” Continuing past him through their bedroom to the en suite there, she emptied her bladder, washed her hands and splashed some water on her face. She hadn’t expected to sleep that long, but it felt good. Maybe she needed a couple days off to do nothing.

After dinner, Rafael allowed her to do Noah’s bath as long as she sat on the toilet lid, while he cleaned up the kitchen, deciding that was the less strenuous activity. Noah really didn’t need her help much anymore, except to help wash and rinse his hair and supervise everything else. Again another indicator her little boy was growing up, she thought. She did help him dry off, though. The one time recently he insisted he could do it, he could barely get his pajamas on as wet as his skin remained. Olivia kissed him good night and left Rafael to read the story as it was his turn and went to change into leggings and the tank top she’d sleep in. Pulling on a soft sweater over top, she decided to just get into bed since it was more comfortable than the couch. She had a stack of magazines waiting for her on the shelf beneath the nightstand. Settling against the pillows she pulled them onto her lap. The oldest had a decorated Christmas tree on the cover and touted new cookie recipes. She chuckled and sat that one aside. The next one she picked up had a smiling woman holding an equally smiling baby. _Motherhood over 45!_ it read. That was one she should probably read, Olivia thought, slipping on her glasses. Rafael returned from Noah’s room to change his own clothes and stopped short seeing her sat on the bed.   
  
“Are you okay?” he asked, a frown of concern crossing his face. She looked up from the page.

“I’m fine.” _There was the second one that day,_ she thought. “I just figured if I have to be off my feet, I might as well be comfortable.” She patted the comforter beside her. “Come sit with me and learn about motherhood over age 45.”

Barba changed into more comfortable clothes and went to lock up the apartment before returning to the room with a bag from a familiar bookstore in his hands. “I bought us a present.” Rounding the bed he sat on his side and reached inside to remove a thick, soft cover book and held it out for her to see the title.

“What To Expect When You’re Expecting,” she read. “Counting your chickens a little, aren’t you Rafa?”

“Liv, you’ve been a parent for six years. I’ve been one for less than two. I know nothing about babies. A little research never hurts,” he told her. “There are more after this one, too.”

Olivia decided not to dampen his enthusiasm and tell him she had the first and second year books out on the bookshelf. “I think I’ll wait to read that one until we get the results of the pregnancy test. But you go ahead and educate yourself.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek.

He was well into the second trimester chapters when her eyes began to droop, even though she’d had a nap that afternoon. Setting aside her glasses and the other magazine she’d moved onto, she slipped off the bed.

“Just going to brush my teeth. I’ll be right back,” she assured him, seeing his raised eyebrows, even as he didn’t take his eyes off the page.

When she returned from the bathroom, she stripped off her leggings and sweater and climbed under the covers. Rafael joined her a few minutes later, and pulled her close, spooning her back to his chest, both arms around her.

“Your arm is going to fall asleep,” she murmured. “But I like it.”

He placed a hand over her abdomen and she covered it with hers, interlocking their fingers and that was how they fell asleep.

Morning came and Olivia woke to the smell of coffee and the sound of Noah’s favorite morning show that only Rafael allowed him to watch before school. She smiled and stretched, wondering if she could stay under the covers a little longer. Then she looked at the clock. While she didn’t have anywhere to be that day, Lucy would be there soon to take Noah to school and he tended to dawdle when his program was on. Pushing back the covers, she pulled on her leggings and sweater, stepped into the bathroom to brush her teeth and empty her bladder, then went out to the kitchen. As expected, Noah was transfixed in front of the television, still without shoes and backpack sitting unzipped beside him. Barba was dressed for work less his tie and jacket, engrossed in an email on his phone.

“Good morning, boys,” she said, taking the remote from the counter and turning off the television. “Noah, shoes sweet boy. Shoes. Lucy will be here any minute.”

With the distraction of the show gone, the boy obediently reached for his shoes and put them on. He had recently mastered tying the laces and didn’t like to be helped; which of course took longer. Rafael looked up from his email as she reached past him for a cup to pour herself some coffee.

“Good morning.” He dropped a kiss on her cheek. “Should you be having coffee?”

“One cup, Rafael. One cup is fine. Check your book.” She filled the cup and added some of her favorite sweetener. “All natural, remember,” Liv added when he gave her a look. She was rescued from any additional comments as Lucy entered the apartment. The two women got Noah put together and out the door to school with his nanny a few minutes later, leaving the two of them alone.

“So what are you going to do today?” Rafael asked, sliding his tie under the collar of his shirt and beginning to knot it.

“Oh, I don’t know. I was thinking maybe I’ll go to the gym at the precinct and then do some grocery shopping,” Olivia looked at him over her coffee cup, waiting for the reaction. “So many options when I have the whole day off.”

“Liv, honey,” he began, abandoning his tie, then saw the twinkle in her eyes and rolled his own. “ _Dios_ , you’re going to add more gray to my hair before that baby is even born!”

“Chickens, Rafa. You’re counting chickens again.” She put her cup down and stepped closer to him, tightening the knot on his tie, straightening it and smoothing it down his chest, before grasping his suspenders and pulling him in for a kiss. He returned the kiss, but then slid his hands up her arms.

“Olivia, that is the second time you’ve said that. Are you regretting what we’ve done? Or do you really think it’s not going to be successful?”

“No, I don’t regret a thing,” she told him. “I’m just trying to be realistic. You’re not the only one doing research. Do you know what the odds are of even one of these embryos surviving to grow into a baby?”

“What is it Han Solo said? ‘Never tell me the odds’?” Rafael put his arms around her. “How about we take it one day at a time between now and the blood test? You rest another day today and maybe this weekend as well, and Monday you’ll go back to work like normal and we’ll see what happens, okay? I’ll even put the book away if you want me to.”

Liv rested her forehead against his and took a breath. She wasn’t trying to be negative, she just didn’t want to hope too much and then be disappointed. “Okay. But you don’t have to put the book away,” she told him. “You’d better get going. You have potential jurors to scrutinize.”

“Want me to make you some breakfast first? You should get off your feet.”

“Sure.” She wasn’t hungry but knew she should eat, and actually felt a little crampy all of a sudden, which concerned her but she wasn’t going to tell him. So she agreed to breakfast and went to sit on the couch with her feet propped up, and turned the television back on to a morning news program.

A little while later, he brought a tray to the coffee table bearing some yogurt topped with her favorite granola cereal, a bowl of fruit, glass of juice and two filled insulated water bottles, explaining that way she wouldn’t have to get up to refill a glass. Her phone was on the tray as well, having been retrieved from their bedroom, along with her stack of unread magazines.

“Thank you, Rafa,” she said, picking up the bowl of yogurt and taking a bite, thinking it tasted off and maybe was old.  She couldn’t remember when she purchased it.

“You’re welcome, _mi amor_ ,” he replied and leaned over to kiss the top of her head. “I’ll check in with you later.”

After Rafael had gone, Olivia watched some of the news, and then decided to look at her queue on Netflix and see what she’d saved to watch and hadn’t. Her crampy feeling had gone away, much to her relief. She settled on the last season of Grey’s Anatomy that she’d not seen, but two episodes in there was a storyline about a pregnant woman who went into preterm labor at only 24 weeks.

“Nope,” she told the screen, and hit the stop button. Then she went in search of something more fluffy. Shortly before noon Rafael texted her:

- _Still on the couch?_

_Yes. I’ve only been up once to go to the bathroom, finished my breakfast and I’m drinking my water._

_-I’m bringing you lunch. I’ll be there in less than an hour._

_Okay._

_-Stay put._

Her reply to that was just an emoji with rolling eyes, which earned her one sending a kiss.

About forty five minutes later she heard a key in the lock and the apartment door open.

“Liv?” Rafael called.

“Right where you left me,” she replied.

“Good. I have lunch.”

Olivia heard him walk into the kitchen and turned to peek at what he’d brought. She was hungry now. She saw him remove what looked like a container of soup from a handled bag, along with a paper bag. Getting up she joined him in the kitchen and kissed him on the cheek, then rested hers on his shoulder a hand on his back.

“Smells good. What is it?”

“Mama Carisi’s homemade wedding soup. Apparently your squad heard about your _back_ and she sent food with Carisi. Well, Rollins, actually. Are they?” He raised an eyebrow and she chuckled.

“Where have you been, Rafa? Before us, darling.” She opened a drawer for spoons as he ladled the soup of tiny meatballs and small round pasta into bowls and put the sandwiches he’d purchased on plates.

“Have they disclosed?”

“Again, before us. But they are good at keeping their relationship outside of work.” She picked up a plate and bowl and led the way to the dining table. “I’ll go back to the couch when we’re done eating,” Olivia assured him.

“This is good,” he said after a few bites. “But how did they find out these aren’t just personal days for fun?”

“I might have said something to Rollins.” She avoided his gaze, and moved her spoon around in her bowl, looking for an errant meatball.

“About the IVF?”

Olivia nodded, still looking at her soup. She had already felt guilty telling Amanda about the procedure after they’d agreed to keep it to themselves. Now she felt worse for not having told him. But Rollins was the only close female friend she had. She had no mother, like him, to share things with, even though they’d decided not to tell Lucia yet. And they had been confiding in each other about things for a while; keeping it separate from work of course, where Olivia was her boss.

“When?” He was starting to get angry. He thought they’d decided _as a couple_ to keep this process private until at least the result of the pregnancy test came back. They hadn’t even told his mother, but she’d told Rollins! “Before yesterday?”

She nodded again, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. They had never lied to each other. Not even before. When they were just friends. Not that this was a lie exactly. But it was a lie of omission, since she hadn’t told him she shared their plan with Amanda. Olivia finally raised her eyes to meet his. They were hard with anger. Not the way they’d looked the day he realized she was dating Tucker, but angry nonetheless. He pushed his chair back from the table with a loud scraping sound and stood, carrying his dishes to the kitchen. She sat for a moment, and then followed him.

“Rafael,” she said, putting a hand on his arm as he stood at the sink. “I’m sorry. I should have asked you if I could tell Amanda.”

“You don’t need _my permission_ to do anything, Olivia,” he said, and she heard the snark -- and the hurt -- in his voice.

“That’s not what I meant,” she tried to explain, but he cut her off with a wave of his hand.

“I have to get back to work. I’ll see you this evening.” He kissed her cheek. “Get off your feet.”

And he was out the door, leaving her standing in the kitchen.

She wandered back to the couch and curled up in the corner, pulling the soft blanket over her. This was probably the first fight they’d had since -- well, since he left the District Attorney’s office, but that was a period of time she didn’t like to dwell on. She _should_ have asked him if she could tell Amanda about their attempt to have a child. Not because she needed his permission, but because they were a couple -- a team. Closing her eyes, she drifted into a light sleep, waking to the sound of an incoming text on her phone. It was from Lucy, asking if she wanted her to take Noah to the park again after school. It was a beautiful day and he needed the opportunity to run around after being in school all day. She replied affirmatively, and put her head back down, pulling the cover over her shoulder, wishing she could just start the day over and tell Rafa about what she’d shared with Amanda.

When Olivia awoke the second time, the apartment was darker. She listened. It was still quiet. Straightening her legs and standing up stiffly, she looked around. She was still alone. A glance at her phone told her Noah should have been home by now. Then she noticed the piece of paper beside where her phone had lain. Picking it up, she read:

_Liv,_

_We ran into Lucia at the park. She offered to take Noah for the night and he wanted to go with her. I didn’t think you’d mind, and Rafael agreed. You were asleep when I stopped by to get Eddie and I didn’t want to wake you._

_See you on Monday._

_Lucy_

She sighed. As much as she’d like to see her son, perhaps it was better Noah not be there tonight, so she and Rafael could hash out their disagreement from earlier when he got home. Whenever he got home. She pushed her hair back from her face and realized she hadn’t showered that morning. Ugh. Walking to the bedroom, she stripped off her clothes and headed for the bathroom. Although she’d have liked to stand under the hot water until her skin was red and pruny, another one of the cautions she’d received yesterday at the doctor’s office was against getting overheated. She quickly washed her hair and body, and shaved her legs. Wrapped in a towel she left the bathroom and redressed in a clean pair of leggings and a t shirt. Barefoot and hair damp, she went back to the living room and dialed Lucia’s number to thank her for taking Noah. Her son’s sweet voice answered.

“Hi, Momma! I’m at _Abuela’s_ house.”

“Yes, I know, sweet boy. May I speak with _Abuela_ , please?” Olivia asked.

“Sure,” he told her and she heard the sound of him handing the phone to Rafael’s mother.

“Olivia, dear, how are you?”

“Could be better,” she admitted, sitting back down in the corner of the couch. The sound of the older woman’s kind voice, so much like her son’s brought a lump to her throat. Lucia heard it in her voice and said,

“Just a moment, Liv.” Then, “Noah, _nieto,_ why don’t you put your show on while I finish dinner? It won’t be long now.”

Olivia heard Noah’s footsteps grow increasingly fainter as he left the room and Lucia returned on the line.

“Now,” she said quietly, “why don’t you tell me what’s wrong? Did you and my hard-headed son have a fight?”

“Sort of.”

Lucia’s voice got even softer and Olivia heard a smile in it. “Was it about the baby, _hija_?”

Olivia gasped. “How? Did Rafa tell you?”

“No one had to tell me anything. You didn’t have any wine when you were here for dinner last week, Rafael has been hovering over you, you took two personal days and you sound like you’re about to cry,” Lucia said. “How far along are you?”

“I don’t even know.” Her eyes filled with tears.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Have you not seen a doctor?”

“Yes, I have. Oh, Lucia, I’ve already told one person about this without talking to Rafael about it. If I tell you, he’ll be even more angry!” The tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks. She swiped at them angrily.

“No, I won’t.”

Olivia spun around on the couch and saw Rafael standing there. She was so engrossed in her conversation with Lucia she hadn’t heard him unlock the door and come in. A few minutes before, Rafael stood in the hall outside their apartment. He hadn’t been able to concentrate all afternoon and finally left his office to take a walk. He didn’t begrudge Olivia telling Rollins about their baby plan as much as he was jealous she had someone with whom to share it. A few years ago, he could have told Alex Munoz about it. They’d have had a beer somewhere together and joked about how Barba had never held a baby until he met Noah. Not now. Now the only person he had to share this wonderful, frightening plan of theirs was the person he was going through it with: the woman on the other side of the door that he loved more than anything. Lucy said she’d been asleep when she stopped by earlier to get Eddie for Noah’s sleepover, so he unlocked the door quietly and slipped inside. He heard her talking to someone on the phone, and quickly realized it was his mother.

“Is that Rafi?” Lucia asked.

“Yes.”

“Talk to him, _hija_. He loves you. I’ll talk to you later.” She disconnected the call before Olivia could argue or reply.

“Rafa,” Liv began, standing from the couch. He was at her side in a heartbeat, taking her hand and pulling her back down.

“You’re supposed to be off your feet.”

“Oh my God! Is that all you care about?” she said exasperatedly.

“If you mean the woman I love who hopefully has my child growing inside her, then yes, that’s all I care about,” he told her. “Liv, I’m sorry for getting angry earlier.” He reached out the hand that wasn’t still holding hers and caressed her cheek with the backs of his fingers.

“No, I shouldn’t have told Amanda anything without discussing it with you first,” she countered.

“Well, now that we’re in agreement,” he smirked. “Come here, _mi amor_.” She went willingly into his arms, sighing happily when he leaned back into his corner of the couch, pulling her against his chest, stroking her damp hair. “Shouldn’t you dry your hair so you don’t catch co -- “

Olivia shut him up with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for following along with project Baby Barson! Please let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael and Olivia find out if the embryo transfer worked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it. Remember, I'm not an expert or have any experience with IVF. All my information comes from IVF clinic websites. Please let me know what you think!
> 
> As always I didn't create these characters, I just enjoy playing with them.

Olivia woke the morning of her scheduled blood test to find herself alone in bed. It had been a long almost two weeks since the transfer procedure. She’d done the modified bed rest the first two days and continued to take it easy over the weekend that followed, enjoying a little bit of down time and the occasional nap. Then it was back to work on Monday, but she let her squad do more leg work than usual, staying in her office with the excuse of paperwork that needed caught up, managing to stretch that out through the rest of the next week until today. She didn’t want to end up having to explain why she stood behind while her detectives chased down a suspect.

She’d told her team she had an appointment in the morning and would be in afterward, so there was no rush to get up. She listened for sounds to clue her as to where Rafael was and heard the shower running but no television. That meant Noah was still asleep. Stretching her arms over her head, she inhaled deeply and caught the smell from the coffee maker that was automatically set to come on in the morning. As the aroma penetrated her nostrils and registered in her brain, her stomach turned over suddenly with an intense feeling of nausea. She exhaled, trying to will the feeling away. Sitting up in bed, she took a second investigative breath. Again, as she smelled the coffee, her stomach rolled and she felt the sensation of extra saliva in her mouth. _Oh no_ , she thought, getting to her feet and walking quickly toward the bathroom door.

“Good morning, _mi amor_ ,” Rafael said, as she opened the door. He had just turned off the water. He got no response as she knelt over the toilet gagging. “Liv? Are you all right?”

She coughed and spat bile into the bowl. “Yes, give me a min —“ She dry heaved, as there was nothing in her stomach to reject, yet it continued to try for a short while longer. Finally, Olivia sat back from the commode and leaned against the wall opposite, resting her forehead on her bent knees. Rafael flushed the toilet and knelt beside her, a towel wrapped around his waist. He’d dried off in the shower stall waiting for her to finish being sick.

“Want some water?” he asked, putting a hand on the back of her neck and feeling it clammy with cold sweat. She lifted her head and swallowed the bitter taste that was still in her mouth.

“Please.” He stood, filled a paper cup at the sink and handed it to her. She took a few experimental sips to see what her stomach thought of it, although the nausea was completely gone. Only the lingering sweat making her tank top cling to her body and taste on her tongue gave any indicator of what had just happened. She downed the rest of the water and held out a hand to him to pull her up. “Thank you.”

“What was that, Liv? Did you catch that bug that’s going around Noah’s school?” Rafael asked, watching her brush her teeth and rinse her mouth.

After she dried her face, she replied, “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

He walked out of the bathroom to get underwear from the dresser and she followed. Halfway across the room, Olivia got another whiff of the brewed coffee and swallowed hard, feeling her stomach start to churn again. She put a hand over her mouth briefly, but it wasn’t missed by the sharp eyed attorney. “What?”

She retreated back to the doorway of the bathroom where she couldn’t smell it. “It’s the coffee, Rafa. The smell of the coffee turns my stomach.” Her eyes got wide. “Do you think I’m —“ Her hands moved to her flat abdomen.

He moved to her side and covered them with one of his own, his other arm going around her waist. “That’s what we’re supposed to find out this morning.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Go shower. I’ll dump the coffee and get Noah up.”

By the time Olivia got out of the shower, the smell of coffee was gone from the bedroom, much to her relief. She could hear Noah chattering away about what was going on in school. As she dried her hair and dressed she wondered if she really was pregnant and that had been a round of morning sickness, or if like Rafael suggested, she’d picked up a virus. In the days since the embryo transfer procedure she’d tried not to obsess over whether or not it had worked. At night however, lying in Rafael’s arms, she did allow herself moments to think about how much their lives had the potential to change.

“Better?” he asked when she joined him and Noah.

“Yes,” she dropped a kiss on top of her son’s curls and glanced at the coffee maker on the counter, now showing no evidence of even having been used. “Thanks for doing that. Did you at least have a cup first?”

“I may have had a quick one,” he admitted with a smile. “I brushed my teeth in Noah’s bathroom afterward, though.”

“Good, then I can do this.” She grasped him by the suspenders and pulled him closer for a kiss. Then she said, “Do you really think? Because I feel fine now.”

“I don’t know. We’ll find out soon enough. Have some yogurt while I get him put together.”

Having the extra time that morning, they took Noah to school, then headed for the fertility clinic. The blood draw was quick and they took seats in the waiting room for the short period they were told it would take for the results. Rafael was engrossed in making notes on a legal pad balanced on his knee and Olivia was surfing the internet on her phone, looking for a Mother’s Day gift for Lucia so neither of them noticed the receptionist come out from behind her glass partition, add water to a coffee maker in the opposite corner of the room and flick the switch to start it brewing. The pot was about half full before either of them noticed. Barba was the first, because he was a small bit closer, but didn’t say anything, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to it. But he knew the moment Olivia caught a whiff of the aroma. Her head shot up from her phone and she looked around for the source.

“Liv.” he put a hand on her arm. She shook her head, not daring herself to speak, for fear of embarrassing herself by gagging. He stood and walked to the receptionist. “Where’s your closest restroom?”

She glanced at Olivia who was standing now, trying to hold her breath, a slightly panicked look on her face and rose to open the door leading back to the exam areas. “First door on the left.”

Rafael took her arm and led her quickly down the hall. She went in the bathroom alone, closing the door in his face. He waited, the thick door muffling the sounds from inside except the eventual flushing of the toilet and running of water. When it reopened, she was pale but offered him a weak smile and said, “I don’t think it’s a virus.”

As if on cue, a nurse appeared. “Ms. Benson, Mr. Barba, we have your test results,” she said, and gestured for them to go into the consultation room next door. “The doctor will be right in.”

They sat down at the small table and Rafael took her hand. “You okay?”

She took a deep breath and nodded. “Yes. Are you ready to hear what he has to say?”

Before he could answer, the doctor entered the room with Olivia’s file in his hands. Looking at the expectant expressions on their faces, he skipped the usual preamble. “Congratulations, you’re pregnant.”

The words echoed in Olivia’s head for a few seconds. _..you’re pregnant…_ Then she turned to Rafael and she smiled.   
  
“He said we’re pregnant.”

“I heard.” Returning her smile, he raised her hand and kissed it. But his brain was already thinking and analyzing. Looking at the doctor he said, “Now what? What do we do next?”

The doctor chuckled, “The hard part’s over. Now Olivia just gets to be an incubator for the next nine months. Eat right, stay healthy. That’s her job. I hear you’re already having some morning sickness?”

“It just started this morning. The smell of coffee, unfortunately for Rafa, since that’s his life blood,” she laughed.

“For most women it only lasts the first trimester. For others, their entire pregnancy,” the doctor told her. “But an empty stomach makes it worse. Try keeping some crackers or pretzels beside your bed and eating a little something before you get up in the morning. If it gets very bad, there is medication we can give you, but we’ll hope that’s not necessary.”

“When will the baby be born?” Rafael asked. He’d been trying to do the math in his head, but wasn’t sure exactly.

“We’ll do an ultrasound in about a month. That will give us a better idea of a due date, based on measurements. But if I had to hazard a guess, some time in January.”

January! It seemed so far away, Olivia thought. January might take a while to get there, but the next month until the ultrasound sped by. They had shared the news with Lucia at their next Sunday dinner, who was adorably smug that she’d been correct, but also tearfully happy. She promised to keep their secret, as had Amanda, who read the look on her face the day she returned from the blood test and cornered her in her office to give her an excited hug.

She and Rafael had decided not to say anything to the rest of her detectives until at least after the ultrasound and keeping the secret had been relatively easy to do. The doctor’s suggestion about crackers had worked to keep her morning sickness at bay for the most part. Rafael gave up drinking coffee at home and Olivia avoided the break room at the precinct. The day before the ultrasound appointment, she was in the interrogation room, questioning a suspect with Carisi. The suspect was trying her patience, which was something that seemed to have gotten smaller as the baby inside her grew. With a frustrated huff, she stood and planted her palms on the table in front of him, leaning in toward him.

“What?” He sneered. “You think you can intimidate me into telling you something?”

Invading his personal space was a mistake. She’d forgotten he’d been picked after being stopped for DUI and spent the night in a holding cell to sleep it off then offered coffee before being questioned. The scent of his unwashed body and stale beer and coffee filled her nostrils as his breath hit her square in the face when he spoke, making her instantly and severely nauseous. Olivia stood, clamping her mouth closed.

“Lieu? You okay?” asked Carisi.

She turned toward the door, blindly reaching for the knob. Wrenching it open, she dashed for the ladies room, Carisi’s voice ringing in her ears. Rollins saw her come out of the interrogation room and recognized the look on her face. She followed her to the bathroom and was greeted by the sounds of retching when she opened the door.

“Liv, it’s just me,” she said.

When her stomach was done rejecting her breakfast, she flushed the toilet and emerged from the stall, accepting a damp paper towel from Amanda.

“Thanks.” She wiped her face and stepped to the sink to cup her hands under the tap and rinse her mouth. Another paper towel to dry off and she said, “Think Carisi noticed?”

Her detective rolled her eyes. “He knew _I_ was pregnant before I did. The gift of being the youngest and having three older sisters with children.”

“Hell,” she sighed, running a hand through her hair. “I really didn’t want to make this public knowledge yet. There’s still so many things that could go wrong.”

“I know,” Amanda said sympathetically. She knew that IVF alone had its own risks, but at Olivia’s age they were compounded. After the complications she experienced when Jesse was born, she’d told Sonny if she ever got pregnant again she might be terrified the entire time.

“Well, I’m not doing this alone,” Liv declared. Pulling her phone from her pocket, she dialed Rafael’s number. “Hey, are you busy right now?”

“Just doing some paperwork before a meeting with a client later, why? Are you all right? Is something wrong?” he asked, immediately on alert.

“No, no, I’m fine.”  Amanda watched her wave her hand as she paced the small bathroom. “But I had to leave an interrogation to lose my breakfast bagel and I was in there with Carisi.”

“Oh.”

“Exactly. And Rollins followed me in here so the moment I walk out of this ladies room, he’s going to be all over me. He’s probably already creating a pool.” Olivia leaned against the sink counter. “I need backup if I’m going to spill the beans.”

“Well, you've already tossed the cookies.” She heard the smirk in his voice and rolled her eyes. “Give me fifteen minutes.”

Ending the call she said to Rollins, “Think I can hide in here until Barba gets here?”

“Not a chance. I’m surprised he hasn’t — “ she was interrupted by a knock on the restroom door and she pressed her lips together to keep from laughing out loud.

“Lieu, you okay?” Carisi’s voice came from the other side and Liv’s eyes flashed with annoyance.

Olivia yanked the door open and he nearly fell through the opening. “I’m fine, Carisi,” she said briskly.

“I told him not to,” said Fin, standing in the hallway, hands in his pockets looking smug.

Olivia brushed past him and spoke over her shoulder as she walked away, “Everyone. My office. Twenty minutes.”

She escaped to her office and closed the door behind her, knowing Rollins was probably fending off Carisi’s questions but not really caring. Suddenly, she was exhausted. Grabbing a bottle of water from the small fridge Rafael had insisted on putting in the room so she didn’t have to venture into the breakroom she sat down on the couch and swung her legs up onto the cushions to sit sideways and lean against the arm. After drinking some of the water, she closed her eyes, feeling like it was only a moment later when she opened them to see Rafael enter, when it was actually closer to the fifteen he’d promised. He sat beside her and leaned for a kiss.

“Having a cat nap?”

Liv sighed and rested her head against his shoulder. “I could just curl up and go to sleep.”

“Let’s get this announcement over with, I’ll take you home and you can.” He rubbed her back and she hummed with contentment.

“I can’t, Rafa. You know that.” She sat back away from him. “I need to finish that interrogation.”

“Done. Carisi got enough for a warrant to search the guy’s apartment.”

“How do you know that?” Olivia gave him a little shove so he’d stand up. He didn’t budge.

“Heard them talking as I came through.” He reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and cupped her face. “You know the books said you’re going to be tired in the first trimester.” Rafael had long since finished the What To Expect book and moved on to additional reference tomes and would frequently tell her ‘the books said’. Olivia was ready to take away his Amazon account.

“I know, but I still have a job to do,” she argued. Before he could rebut, there was a knock at her office door. She pushed at him again and this time he stood, helping her to her feet. “Time to face the inquisition.”

Olives knew Fin and Carisi would be happy for them, but she feared Carisi’s fussing would be worse than Rafael’s. She remembered what he’d been like when Amanda was pregnant. Put the two of them together…..she suppressed a shudder. Straightening her shoulders, she opened the door to her three detectives and went to sit behind her desk. Barba perched on the edge, reminiscent of his days as her ADA. She waved a hand at the chairs.

“Take a seat, guys.”

“Sounds serious, Liv. What’s up?” Fin asked as they sat down.

“I —,” Olivia began and then paused. She suddenly realized that her being pregnant was going to change everything at work. It wasn’t like when she took Noah as a foster child and then adopted him. She was still able to meet all the physical demands of her job. She wasn’t able to question a suspect who had coffee breath and B.O. without puking right now. What was going to happen when her belly was big enough she couldn’t pull her chair into her desk? She remembered how people had looked at Rollins when she was pregnant; questioned her abilities, and she was only a detective. She’d worked for more than twenty years to get where she was, proving time and again she was the best officer for the job, gender notwithstanding. She looked at Rafael. He got up and went to stand beside her, putting a hand on her shoulder and giving it a squeeze.

“What Olivia is trying to tell you is that she’s pregnant. We’re going to have a baby,” he said. Once Barba said the words, she found her voice again.

“It’s still very early and we hadn’t planned on announcing it just yet, but after this morning when I left the interrogation room --”

“I knew it!” exclaimed Carisi, elbowing Rollins. “I told you she’d been looking like you did when you were first pregnant with Jesse. A little green around the gills. Not drinking coffee. Is it the smell or the taste, Lieutenant?”

“Smell,” she admitted. “That’s why I ran out this morning. It was the smell of it on his breath. I got too close.”

“Congratulations, Liv, Counselor. Baby’s are always a good thing.” said Fin, getting up to shake Barba’s hand before returning to his own desk.

“So when are you due? Are you going to find out whether it’s a boy or a girl? What kind of supplements are you taking? My sister Bella said that -- “ Carisi, wriggling with excitement like a puppy, started to pepper her with questions, but Rollins interrupted him.

“Carisi, enough. Liv and Barba already said they hadn’t planned on telling everyone yet.”

But he kept going, standing from his chair and coming closer to the desk. “You know, they make these wristbands that are good for nausea. They use pressure points.” He indicated spots on his own wrist. “My sister Teresa used them when she was pregnant with Mia.”

Rafael was trying not to laugh because he knew Olivia’s patience was wearing thin. But before she or he could said anything, Amanda spoke again.

“Dominick.”

That caught his attention, because she only -- ever -- called him that in the privacy of their apartment or if they were somewhere alone. She never used his first name at work. He turned around and met her blue eyes with his and realized he had overstepped with their lieutenant.

“We have work to do,” she said.

“Yeah, right.” He looked contritely at Olivia and then at Rafael who was still trying not to laugh. “Sorry, Lieu. Congratulations. Really. This is great news.”

Rollins could hear him starting to gear up again and plucked his shirtsleeve. He took a step backward, then turned and followed her out into the squad room. Once they had gone, Rafael looked at Liv, unable to keep the smile off his face. She poked his side.

“Not a word, Rafa. Not a word.”

“He means well. You know he does.” He reassumed his perch on the desk, but this time facing her.

“He’s exhausting.” She leaned back in her chair. “Like a toddler.”

“So you’ll be in good practice again.” Rafael bumped her shoulder with his fist. “You look tired. Come on. Take the rest of the day.” He gestured to the squad room with his head. “They have it under control. You can consult from home if you need to.”

Before she could reply, her phone buzzed. She looked at the screen. PETER STONE. She sent it to voicemail and pushed the chair back from the desk.

“Let’s go,” Olivia said. “One two year old is enough for today.”

Barba resisted the urge to smirk as he followed her out of her office.

“Stone will probably be calling one of you,” she told her squad. “I just sent him to voicemail. I’m going home to take a nap, but text me if you need me.”

“Copy that, Lieutenant,” said Rollins.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unsettling development occurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not one for warnings, but given my own personal experiences I know the topic in this chapter can be a sensitive one. I've updated the tags for this fic, but if miscarriage or threatened miscarriage is upsetting to you, please know this chapter has a happy ending. I tried not to be too graphic in my descriptions, just realistic.
> 
> PS...this also may be the longest damn chapter I've ever written.

Upon arriving home, Olivia changed out of her work clothes into leggings and a soft t-shirt. It wasn’t that the pants she wore were getting tight; they weren’t yet, but she was still more comfortable with the stretchy waist. Returning to the living room, she listened to the voicemail message Stone left her. He said he was going to call Rollins. Good, let her deal with him, she thought. Stone was a nice enough guy and a fairly good lawyer. He had to be for Jack McCoy to hire him, his father’s reputation notwithstanding. He just rubbed her the wrong way sometimes and he certainly was no Rafael Barba. She looked across the room to the object of her thoughts where he sat at the dining table, laptop open with legal pad beside.

“You don’t have to stay here with me, Rafa,” she said. “I’m just going to curl up on the couch and have a little nap. Then I have some case notes to go over that Rollins is emailing me.”

“I’m just finishing the presentation for my meeting later,” he replied, looking up from the screen. “I’ll leave in a bit. I won’t stay and hover.”

“Mm-kay.”

Olivia curled up, half reclined on the couch and pulled the soft cover from the back of it over her. She watched Rafael work for a little while before she closed her eyes and felt sleep begin to overtake her. From his spot at the table, he glanced up from the laptop and a smile crossed his face. She looked so peaceful and beautiful when she slept. Not that she wasn’t beautiful all the time. But when Olivia Benson slept, she had no worries, no stresses reflected on her face. She shouldered so many responsibilities as a lieutenant and as a parent. He hoped he had helped lift some of those parental burdens with Noah and fully intended to do more once their baby was born. _Their baby._ His heart gave an excited thump. He couldn’t believe it was actually happening. They would find out tomorrow exactly how far along she was and get a better due date. He looked at his watch. Time to go. He scribbled a note on the pad and propped it on the coffee table where she’d be sure to see it when she woke. Pressing a light kiss on her forehead, Rafael left the apartment.

Olivia didn’t sleep long, but woke feeling a little less tired. She saw Barba’s note that he would be back in time for dinner and wondered what they had in the house to make. Then she remembered the container Lucia sent home with them the previous Sunday that was in the freezer. It was her Cuban Casserole; a simple but mouth watering recipe she concocted when Rafael was a child as an easy make ahead meal. Padding to the kitchen, Liv removed it and put it on the counter to begin thawing. A trip to the bathroom and she settled back on the couch to see if Rollins had sent her the files.

The morning hadn't exactly gone the way she’d planned. She chuckled, remembering Carisi’s reaction to the news about her pregnancy. At the time, when she was tired and out of sorts, it had just been annoying. Now it was amusing. She would have to tell him she wasn’t angry tomorrow after the ultrasound appointment. Now that the rest of her squad knew, she probably should share the news with 1PP as well. Gently rubbing her abdomen, she wondered what the image would look like. Certainly not anything like a baby at this point, she knew. There was probably an image in one of the books Barba tried to get her to read, but Olivia wasn’t ready to commit her mind to this being a 100 percent certainty yet. Getting pregnant the old fashioned came with no guarantees and IVF was no different. There was still a possibility of losing the baby. It frightened her but she hadn’t shared those fears with Rafael because he seemed so optimistically happy.

Olivia got up from the couch a while later, where she’d been reading the case files on her ipad to go to the bathroom, wondering what was it going to be like when the baby was actually big enough to press on her bladder. She peed more times a day now than she ever had before in her life. About to drop the toilet paper into the water, something caught her eye. There was a pinkish stain on the white tissue. Heart in her throat, she got more and wiped again. Another pinkish stain. Liv stood on trembling legs and pulled up her underwear and leggings. Then she walked into the living room, found her phone and dialed the doctor’s phone number. The nurse who answered assured her that spotting or even light bleeding at her stage of pregnancy was completely normal and that the doctor would check everything the next day during the ultrasound but to call them again or go to the emergency room if she had other questions or it got worse. Olivia thanked her and and hung up, her finger hovering over Barba’s name in her favorites list; wondering if she should call him when she heard the apartment door open.

“Look who I found roaming the streets of Manhattan!” she heard his voice say and then Noah’s familiar giggle.

“Rafa you’re silly!” the boy said, walking into the room where she sat on the couch. “Me and Lucy met him in the lobby, Momma.”

“Lucy and I,” she corrected automatically, but didn’t stand; not sure if her legs would support her. Noah didn’t notice and ran over to give her a hug. Rafael did, however, and joined the boy at her side. Bending to kiss her, he rested a hand on the back of her neck under her hair.

“You okay? You look pale,” he said into her ear as the child turned to pull out a bin of Legos from a nearby shelf.

Trying to stay composed, she shook her head and then nodded toward Noah.

“ _Mijo,_ why don’t you go put your shoes away instead of leaving them under the table?” said Rafael.

The boy reached for his sneakers where he’d kicked them off, and stood up to do as requested.

“Hang up your backpack as well,” Olivia added, knowing it was probably on the floor in the entry.

Once he was out of earshot, the former ADA sat beside her on the couch and turned his green eyes on the woman he loved. “What’s going on, Liv?”

She quietly recounted her discovery in the bathroom and her call with the doctors office, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth as she finished. He pulled her into his arms.

“It will be fine, _mi amor_ ,” he asserted with more confidence than he felt. His stomach was churning with fear. “Has there been more?”

Olivia shook her head against her shoulder. “I haven’t been back to the bathroom. But I think I’d know if it got worse.”

He nodded. “You’ll tell me?” She pulled her head back to look at him.

“Yes.”

“Okay. You’re going to stay put for the rest of the night. I’ll take care of dinner.”

“Your mom’s Cuban Casserole is on the counter. I got it out of the freezer earlier.”

“I love Abuela’s casserole!” said Noah, returning to the room, having also changed his clothes without being told.

“Good, you can help me in a bit,” Rafael told him, standing from his position on the couch. “Your Mami has some paperwork to do. Why don’t you get your spelling homework and sit with her to do it while I change out of my lawyer clothes?”

After he left the District Attorney’s office and before he started work with the jury consultant firm, he stopped wearing suits daily and Noah wanted to know where his lawyer clothes were. Since then, it had become a turn of phrase in the household to describe his work wardrobe. Barba went into the bedroom, closed the door and leaned against it, rubbing his hands over his face. He told Olivia everything would be fine; that the spotting was nothing to worry about because he wanted her to stay calm. But his heart was pounding in his chest. The doctor told them there was a possibility that none of the embryos transferred would implant or even that one or more would, and then not survive. Unlike women who harvested their own eggs and could try a second time if the first attempt failed, they had fertilized all of Olivia’s eggs she’d frozen a decade before. There would be no second chance for them. Not this way. They could use donor eggs, but Rafael had thought about that and would rather adopt a child if the worst happened. He heaved a sigh and pushed off the door, heading for the closet to hang up his suit. His face needed to be a facade of positivity when he went back to Olivia. But she had known him too long not to see through it. At first, she didn’t notice. Then, as he and Noah warmed the casserole, prepared two salads for the adults and a pear mouse for the boy, she saw his smile was a little too forced and didn’t reach his eyes when he laughed at a tale from Noah’s classroom that day. Fortunately, he was an age where he could fill the entire dinner with his own stories and so he didn’t notice his parents exchanging frequent glances and neither of them eating much of their meals. Olivia went to the bathroom after dinner while Rafael cleaned up and had the same pink tinged stain. When she returned, Rafael raised an eyebrow in question.

“ _¿Está mejor?_ ” (Is it any better?}

Olivia shook her head. “ _Pero no peor_.” (But not worse) Being able to communicate in Spanish came in handy once in a while. At least for the time being, since Noah was asking for lessons from both Rafael and Lucia.

“Sit and put your feet up,” he ordered. “I’ve got bath and bed tonight.”

“Tomorrow can’t come soon enough,” she said quietly, and resumed her spot on the couch after retrieving a slim, leather covered book from the shelves along the wall and Barba’s gold pen from the table where he’d left it that afternoon.

Olivia had taken to keeping a journal years ago. Growing up with a mother who’s temperament could be as changing as the tides of the Atlantic, a journal gave her a place to pour out her heart and soul -- good and bad — without fear of retribution or criticism. Back then, they were simple spiral bound notebooks. When she became an adult, she discovered all the different varieties of blank books. She still preferred ones with lines; her handwriting was untidy enough. Her current choices were leather bound ones like the one she held in her hands. Over the years she’d chronicled things like her college experiences, joining and graduating from the police academy, and as she worked her way from beat cop to detective to lieutenant. When Noah came into her life he began as an entry the night she found him in that dresser drawer. After that he had dominated many pages, as had the man down the hall; something which came as a surprise to her at first when she looked back over the years since Rafael and his big brass ego with coordinating suspenders sauntered into her life.

Opening the book to a clean page, she wrote the date at the top and began to detail her day: the incident in the interrogation room, her annoyance and amusement with Carisi and then the discovery that afternoon and her fears. Olivia wasn’t a religious person, but her words read like prayers to a God she believed in but wasn’t familiar with; one that Rafael had pleaded with for forgiveness after his actions during the Householder case. She asked whoever was listening to keep the tiny life inside her safe and to allow it to continue to grow. A single tear ran down her face and dropped onto the page. She could hear Noah laughing from his room where he was getting dressed after his bath. Maybe this was a bad idea, she wrote. Maybe she should have just been happy with her beautiful sweet boy that came into her life almost six years ago. She closed the book as he came back into the room to say good night, trailed by Rafael.

“Rafa said your back was hurting you again.” He put his small arms around her and she inhaled his clean scent, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Maybe you should go see a doctor and have him make it better,” he said.

His childish innocence that things could be so easily fixed made her wish it was so.

“I’m going to see the doctor tomorrow,” she told him, meeting Rafael’s eyes over the damp curls pressed against her chest.

“ _Bueno_. That means good.” Noah kissed her on the cheek. “Good night.”

“Good night, my sweet boy.” Olivia released her hold on her son and he turned to Rafael.

“Two books?”

“As long as you read one to me, _mijo._ ”

“Okay! I’ll go pick mine!” Noah raced away.

Barba held out a hand to Olivia and pulled her to her feet into a loose embrace. “If we only ever just had him I would die happy.”

“I know.” She rested her forehead against his chest.

“Why don’t you go get settled in bed? We’ll make it an early night. Do you want some ice cream?” Strawberry ice cream with chocolate sauce had been her go to bedtime snack the last week or so.

“No,” she shook her head where it still lay against his chest. Her stomach was a mass of nerves. He put a finger under her chin and tipped her head so he could at her face.

“It’s going to be okay, Liv.”

“I hope so.” She kissed him on the lips. “You’d better go read before you get penalized with a third book for keeping him waiting.”

Olivia was in bed waiting for him to finish with Noah, looking at one of the books Rafael bought. She was trying to reassure herself that this little bit of spotting did not portend the worst possible outcome. The chapter she found used the same words the nurse had: “completely normal” “not a cause for concern”. She snorted and closed the book with a loud thump. “Easy to say when it’s not you.”

“When what’s not you?” Barba asked entering the room.

“The person wondering if they’re going to lose their baby!” She angrily tossed the book toward the end of the bed where it bounced and then slid off onto the floor. “The book said the same thing the doctor’s office did.”

He sat down on the bed beside her and took her hands in his. “Then maybe you should listen to the advice. Olivia, listen, I know you’re scared. So am I. But unless it becomes something more, there’s no sense in worrying about it. The baby doesn’t need you to be stressed. Your appointment is first thing tomorrow and we’ll find out what’s going on.”

Even though she continued to worry her bottom lip with her teeth, she nodded. They prepared for bed and climbed under the covers. She curled up against his side, her head on his chest. The sound of his heart was soothing and helped calm her own. But her mind was still racing in the quiet of the room.

“It’s too quiet. Tell me again why we don’t we have a television in here?”

“Because when I first moved in you said we didn’t get enough time alone and a television in the bedroom would interfere with it,” Rafael said with a chuckle. ”Hold on.”

He moved his arms from where they had been around her and rolled toward his nightstand where his phone was charging. She made a sound at the loss of his warmth. He chuckled again. “I’ll be right back. How’s this?” Soft music filled the room and he rolled again, gathering her back into his arms.Olivia sighed and closed her eyes, draping an arm across his chest. Barba felt her body start to relax against him

Olivia was still asleep when he woke minutes before his alarm. She had rolled away from him in the middle of the night and was curled in a ball, as if unconsciously trying to protect the life inside her. He turned off the alarm and rolled out of bed to shower and let her sleep some more. She woke to the sound of water running, surprised she had slept through the night. Recently she was up at least once to empty her bladder, which was full to bursting at the moment. If Rafael didn’t come out of the shower soon, she was going to barge in. As if reading her mind, he opened the bathroom door and came out, a towel around his waist, hair damp. She flung the covers back and stood up.

“Stand aside, pregnant woman has to pee!” She flashed him a smile that made him smile in return, seeing her mood appeared to be improved from the night before.

As she hurried past him into the bathroom she felt a bit of moisture run down her inner thigh and was shocked at her lack of bladder control. Pulling down the boxers she wore to sleep in, Liv sat down on the toilet with a sigh of relief and closed her eyes, thinking about what to wear that day. Gathering some tissue, she automatically went to wipe between her legs and let out a gasp when it came away covered in bright red blood.

“Rafa.” Her voice came out as a croak. She cleared her throat. “Rafael!”

Barba was dresser in trousers and an undershirt, moving toward the closet for a shirt when he heard her call his name Her tone sounded panicked. He went to his side of the closed door.

“Liv?” When she didn’t reply, he opened the door a bit. “Olivia, are you okay?”

“No. I’m - I’m bleeding. More than yesterday. I need a pair of underwear.”

“Okay.” He returned to the dresser and blindly grabbed a pair from the drawer and reached into the room to place them on the counter. He was trying to imagine what ‘more than yesterday’ constituted, but he wasn’t going to barge into the bathroom. He heard the toilet flush and the shower go on. “Can I come in?”

“Yes.”

He entered the bathroom and sat on the closed lid of the toilet, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Liv.”

“What?”

“How much is more than yesterday?” He could see her through the glass, standing with her head tipped back under the spray washing her hair and smelled the scent of her shampoo.

“Bright red. Like my period.” Her voice was oddly calm. Like she was reading a police report. “Clots too.”

“Jesus. Do you need to go to the emergency room? Want me to call the doctor?”

“No. My appointment is in a few hours. By the time we’d get to the ER and sit there and wait, it would be the same as just going to the appointment. But I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try and be early.”

She was shaving her legs now. He could see one foot propped up on the ledge built into the wall. He thought it was an oddly placed soap niche when he first saw it, but she’d explained it was put there specifically for what she was doing. “Why don’t you go get Noah up? We can drop him off a little early, too”

“Okay.” Barba left the bathroom, wondering why the change in her attitude from the tone in her voice when she summoned him. She would tell him eventually, he knew, so he wasn’t going to push her. He was in the kitchen with Noah, shirt on but unbuttoned and tie around his neck when she came out, dressed and pale but otherwise seemingly composed.

“ _Buenos dias_ , Momma!” the boy said around a mouthful of cereal with blueberries on it.

“Good morning,” Olivia replied. “Don’t talk with your mouthful.”

Rafael watched as she moved around the kitchen making a cup of tea, getting a container of yogurt from the refrigerator and adding some of the blueberries to it trying to see if she was faking it, but her calm demeanor appeared to be legitimate. It wasn’t until they had seen Noah into his first grade classroom and were back in the Uber he’d insisted they use instead of walking, on the way to the doctor’s office that he fixed his piercing green gaze on her with a look he used to use on witnesses.

“All right, Lieutenant. Talk to me,” he said. “Last night you were a basket case over a tinge of pink and today you’re calm as a cucumber when you tell me you’re passing clots. I’ve read the books. I know that can’t be good.”

He kept his voice low to keep the conversation private from the driver. Uber’s might be available on demand, but sometimes he missed the privacy that the dividers in cabs afforded. She turned a little on the seat to face him and put a hand on his where it rested on his thigh.

“No, it’s probably not good. But there’s nothing that can be done to stop it. It’s not like going into premature labor when a baby can survive on the outside.” She met his eyes with her brown ones. “That doesn’t mean I’m not upset. Just being realistic.” She shrugged. “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be, Rafa. But we have Noah.”

He put an arm around her, pulled her close and pressed a kiss to her temple.. “Yes, we do, _mi amor._ Yes, we do.”

When they signed in at the doctor’s office, Olivia told the nurse of the new development. Her call from the day before had already been noted in her record and the nurse assured her they would still go through with the ultrasound. “To check things out,” she said.

They didn’t have to wait long and were ushered into the same exam room where the transfer procedure had been done.

“Take everything off from the waist down and have a seat on the table,” the nurse instructed. “You can cover with the sheet.” She indicated the one folded on the table.

“Even my underwear? I’m wearing a pad because of the -- the bleeding.” She caught her lip between her teeth.

“Even your underwear,” the nurse confirmed, adding an absorbent pad on top of the sheet on the exam table. “That will take care of anything. The doctor will probably want a transvaginal ultrasound as well as abdominal.”

Barba tried to occupy himself on his phone while Olivia removed her boots, pants and underwear. Glancing up too soon, he caught a flash of the blood-soaked sanitary pad as she removed it from her panties to roll up and throw away and his breath caught in his throat. No, that couldn’t be good. Finally he heard the rustle of cloth as she made her way onto the table and opened the sheet over her lap and raised his head. The look on his face told her he’d seen the pad. They were spared from conversation by the ultrasound technician entering the room.

She explained the procedure for both the abdominal and transvaginal ultrasounds and began with the abdominal one by squirting warm gel on Olivia’s stomach below her bellybutton. Rafael had moved to sit on the opposite side of the table from the technician and was holding Liv’s hand. Her eyes were closed, so she didn’t see the tech frown as she looked at the screen where the image appeared, and tap the keyboard as she moved the wand around, stopping intermittently. Then she cleaned off the gel, rolled a condom onto the transvaginal wand and handed it to Olivia, asking her to insert it and hold it there. A flush of embarrassment stained her cheeks as she bent and parted her legs in order to do so. Rafael squeezed the hand he still held. Again the technician tapped on the keyboard in front of the monitor she was watching. Finally she reached under the sheet and took the wand from Olivia’s hand.

“The doctor will be in to see you after he reviews the images,” she said kindly and left the room. “Please don’t get up.”

“Could you see what she was looking at?” Olivia asked quietly.

“No. Nothing.” He rubbed the top of her hand with his thumb. “Almost done, Liv.”

They waited in silence for the doctor.

After a short while, the door opened and the doctor came in, carrying her medical file. “Hello, Olvia. Rafael. I hear you’re having some bleeding.Tell me about it.

Olivia nodded. “It started yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t much. Just spotting really. But this morning it turned into like a period. And there were some clots as well.”

“How big were the clots?” the doctor asked, making some notes. “Dime sized? Nickel?”

“Yes. Some were.”

“Okay, then. Let’s take a peek, shall we?” He turned the ultrasound monitor back on.

“Take a peek?” Rafael couldn’t hold back the comment. “At what?”

“Why your baby of course,” the doctor replied. He flicked another switch and a screen on the wall in front of them lit up.

“Wait,” said Olivia, pushing herself up on her elbows to look at him. “I thought I lost the baby.”

“No.” The doctor shook his head. “I’m sure it was frightening, but I assure you, your baby is still safe and sound inside you. Lay back and I’ll show you.”

Again the warm gel went onto her belly and the doctor placed the wand on it, moving it around. On the wall, the couple looked at what was first a dark screen, but slowly a grainy image appeared with a white blob in the middle. “See, there’s your little bean. You’re at eight weeks now, so he or she is about the size of a blueberry. Right there,“ an arrow appeared on the screen “that small blinking image is the heartbeat.”

Rafael had been transfixed with the image on the screen, but he felt Olivia clutch at his hand when the baby’s heartbeat was pointed out to them. He looked at her and saw silent tears streaming down the sides of her face. Pulling out his handkerchief, he stood and wiped her cheeks. Then he bent to kiss her lips.

“The baby’s okay,” she whispered. “Thank God.”

“But the bleeding….?” Barba asked the doctor, who was wiping off the gel.

“We transferred several embryos. It’s possible that two of them implanted but then one didn’t survive and this is the result. I’ve seen it happen before,” he told them. The doctor reached out and put a reassuring hand on Olivia’s shoulder  .“The bleeding should stop in a day or two. If it doesn’t, call and we’ll take another look. But right now, everything in there is just as it should be. Especially the heartbeat. And by the looks of things, you should be due January 24.”

After talking a few more minutes about her morning sickness, the amount of weight she should be gaining and giving her a few samples of prenatal vitamins, he said he wanted to see her in a month and bid them goodbye. As soon as the door closed, she held out a hand, “Help me up.”

Rafael assisted her into a sitting position and she flung her arms around his neck with a strangled sob. He wrapped his arms around her and they held each other tightly for several moments. “We didn’t lose him,” she said into his neck.

“No, we didn’t,” he agreed, then pulled back to look at her face. “He? Did you see something on that screen I didn’t?”

“No,” she laughed. “Just habit I guess. Because of Noah. I don’t care whether it’s a boy or a girl. Do you?”

“No, not at all.” He kissed her passionately, only to be interrupted by the vibration of his phone in his pocket. “Real life goes on,” he said, ending the kiss and looking at the screen. “I need to take this. I’ll meet you in the waiting room.”

“Okay.” She grasped him by the lapels and pulled him in for one more kiss, before letting go so he could leave.

They departed the doctor’s office with photos of the ultrasound images tucked into Rafael’s inside jacket pocket. Olivia insisted they walk to the precinct and they did so, hand in hand in the early June sunshine. Parting on the steps outside, they exchanged another loving kiss before he left to continue to his own office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, I am not a medical expert. Just a mom of three kids who's had my share of ultrasounds, albeit at minimum 16 years ago so things may have changed a little. Also, what Liv and Barba experience I took from an IVF website. It was recounted by one of the physician's who has an IVF practice and it happened to his wife.
> 
> Also, my Spanish is straight from a translation website, so apologies if I got something wrong.
> 
> Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think about project Baby Barson!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News of Olivia's pregnancy spreads and Rafael hears the baby's heartbeat for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter just in time for Mother's Day!
> 
> As always, I don't own these lovely characters, I just enjoy creating new worlds for them!

“Sgt. Tutuola, where is Lieutenant Benson?” barked Deputy Chief Dodds, as he strode into the squad room, seeing Olivia’s office dark.

“She had an appointment this morning, Chief,” replied Fin. “She’ll be in shortly.”

“What’s going on with her? Personal days. Appointments. Is she sick?”

“No, I’m not sick, Chief. Actually, I’ve never been better.”

Olivia had exited the elevator in time to hear Dodds’ questions. She sighed quietly, debating whether she should break the news of her pregnancy to him yet or not. She had no idea how he would take it. When she became lieutenant, it seemed like he was pleased; happy with her department’s performance and success rate. But after his son died on her watch, things changed and she began to get the feeling he not only blamed her for Mike’s death, but often felt she was no longer able to do her job. She knew he had made veiled comments about her being a mother and it affecting her work. Olivia got the feeling he would be less than pleased to hear she was going to have a second child in her family. Her squad and Dodds all turned to watch her walk into the room and for a moment she wondered if she looked different than she had yesterday, even though she knew her physical appearance hadn’t changed. Resisting the urge to place a hand on her abdomen, she tilted her head at the deputy chief.

“Do we have a meeting I’d forgotten about or did you just stop by to say hello?” she asked with a smile, hoping she hadn’t developed pregnant brain yet and actually forgotten a meeting with him.

“No. I was just in the building and thought I’d see what was going on. Do you have time for a chat?” He returned her smile, baring his teeth in the manner that always reminded her of a child who had been prompted to smile for a photograph and did so mechanically; not really meaning it.

“Of course.”

“Great. I’ll get myself some coffee and be right in,” Dodds said, turning to walk toward the breakroom.

“Shit,” Olivia muttered and went into her office. She flipped on the lights, hoping Dodds would at least put a lid on his cup and wished the windows behind her opened.

She saw him coming back across the squad room carrying not a disposable cup with a lid but one of the large mugs they kept in there and cursed whoever had decided to wash them for once. The coffee had been sitting in the pot since it was made earlier that morning and had gotten stronger. She smelled it the moment he crossed the threshold and tried to breathe through her mouth as she felt the nausea begin. She slowly pushed her chair further back from the desk as he sat down in one on the opposite side.

“We haven’t talked in a while. Seems every time I stopped by you were off on a personal day or not in yet from an appointment. Sure everything is okay? You’re not out job hunting, are you lieutenant?” Dodds laughed over the rim of his mug and his breath pushed a wave of coffee-scented air toward her.

She shook her head, holding her own breath for a moment as her stomach continued to churn. Maybe if she put something in her mouth and turned a little to reach into the dish of candies she kept on the window ledge. Peppermint was supposed to soothe the stomach, plus she hoped it might overpower the smell of the coffee. This was the first time she had eaten anything minty since becoming pregnant and the moment it hit her tastebuds she gagged. Grabbing a tissue she spat it out, holding the tissue against her mouth, eyes watering as she tried not to vomit. Dodds leaned forward and put his cup on the desk.

“Lieutenant, are you all right?”

With the cup on her desk, more of the aroma drifted towards her. She stood, swallowing hard.

“Excuse me,” she managed to say, and walked quickly out of her office.

Amanda saw her coming and stood. Olivia waved her off and headed for the stairwell. She needed some fresh air and wasn’t about to wait for the elevator. Clattering down the flights to the ground floor, she pushed open the door that led outside rather than into the lobby of the precinct. Bent at the waist, hands on her knees, she took deep breaths. The air smelled of car exhaust and the food truck across the street, but no coffee and she felt the nausea fade. Straightening, she leaned her head back against the building and closed her eyes. Then she reached into her blazer pocket for something to wipe her eyes, sure her eye makeup had run but came up empty.

“Here.”

Olivia opened her eyes and was surprised to see Chief Dodds holding out a handkerchief. Chagrined, she accepted it and wiped away the dark smudges.

“Thank you.”

“When were you going to tell me you’re pregnant, Olivia?”

She opened her mouth, and closed it again. He quirked one of his bushy eyebrows at her.

“Come on, Lieutenant. My ex-wife was pregnant three times. Don’t you think I recognize the signs?” He took her arm and led her toward the street. “Let me buy you a lemonade. Can you do lemonade?”

She nodded, still shocked at him coming after her and then knowing she was pregnant. They crossed the street to the food truck where he purchased two frozen lemonades. Handing her one, Dodds gestured toward some nearby benches under a tree.

“I thought there was just Mike and his brother?” Olivia said, taking a sip of the tart refreshing drink.

“Technically yes. We had another child. A girl. She was one of those -- what do they call them? -- change of life babies. Ingrid thought she’d been through menopause and couldn’t get pregnant any more. Then she started taking naps in the middle of the day and not being able to eat foods she loved.

“I was the one who said she was pregnant. She said I was crazy.” He shrugged toying with his straw. “But I was right. Then when she was eight months along, the baby stopped moving one day. At first they said it wasn’t unusual for activity to slow down at that point. But after more than a day they checked and couldn’t find a heartbeat. They induced labor and my wife had to give birth to a dead baby.”

“Oh, Chief.” Olivia’s eyes filled with tears. She couldn’t imagine having to endure something that heartbreaking.

He shrugged again and took a long pull on his straw. “The doctors said there was no reason for it. She had been otherwise healthy and appeared to be once she was born. But that was what started the end of our marriage. We blamed ourselves and each other.  But that was a long time ago.” He sighed, then Dodds looked at her with a critical eye. “You’ve been to a doctor?”

“Yes,” she assured him with a laugh. She wasn’t about to give him the details of the IVF procedure. “We had an ultrasound this morning and got a due date of January 24.”

“So you’re still early on,” he said.

“Eight weeks. We really weren’t planning on telling people just yet, but….”

“But when you run out of an interrogation room to throw up.” Dodds chuckled. Then, “This is with Barba, right?”

She raised her eyebrows at him, surprised he even had to ask. They had disclosed their relationship a few months in, the year before. But, she supposed since he didn’t work for the DA’s office anymore, Dodd’s didn’t see him around as much as he used to.

“Yes.”

“Planning on getting married? Or is yours one of those casual relationships?”

“There is nothing casual about my relationship with Rafael,” Olivia said tightly. Then she got to her feet. “ I need to get back upstairs. Thanks for the lemonade, Chief. And the hanky. I’ll wash it and get it back to you.”

She tossed her cup in a nearby trash can, crossed the street and left him sitting there on the bench. She clenched her teeth. Just when she thought he was approaching a level of humanness, he had to go and say something like that. A casual relationship! There had never been anything casual about their relationship. Even when they were just friends. But as she took the elevator back upstairs, she thought about it. Whose name would they give the baby? Benson? Barba? Benson-Barba? She shuddered. What a mouthful that was!

That night at dinner, Olivia said, “We might as well take out a billboard in Times Square now. Dodd’s knows.”

“How did he find out?” Rafael asked as he put some ketchup on Noah’s plate, who was at a stage where nearly everything got dipped in ketchup.

“Well, he dropped by for a visit today. Actually, he was there when I arrived, asking questions about all the days off I’ve been taking. Then before he joined me in my office, he went and got himself coffee.”

“Oh no. Liv!”

She nodded grimly. “It wasn’t pretty. Learned I can’t eat mint right now, either, by the way.”

“What?”

Olivia explained her thought process about the mint candy and the resulting consequences. In vague terms and with a few spelled and Spanish words thrown in since Noah was sitting right there. But she mustn’t have been vague enough.

“Momma, I thought you liked peppermints? Why can’t you eat them anymore? And why was it bad that Mr. Dodds brought his coffee in your office?” the boy asked curiously.

The two adults exchanged glances. Olivia sighed. Looked like it was time to break the news to Noah as well. She held out her hand to him. “Come here, sweet boy.”

He slid off his chair and climbed into her lap, looking slightly concerned.

“You know how your friend Jacob on the t-ball team has a baby brother? And Luke in your class has a baby sister?”

“Uh-huh. Jacob says his brother stinks and wakes him up sometimes at night when he cries,” Noah told her.

“Babies don’t always smell good, that’s true. But that’s usually easily taken care of. And so is crying. Babies cry because they don’t know how to talk. They cry when they’re hungry or tired.”

Noah nodded sagely, as if this made total sense to him.

“So, _mijo_ ,” said Rafael, “have you ever thought about whether you’d like to have a baby brother or sister?”

The boy shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, it might be nice to have someone to play with. But I’d have to share my toys too. Like I do when Jesse comes over.”

His mother gave him a squeeze, “And you share very nicely, too. Which is good, because you are going to have a baby brother or sister.”

He looked her for a moment, processing the statement.

“Do I get to choose?” he asked.

“Choose what,” Rafael said. “Whether to have a brother or sister?”

“No. Do I get to choose if it’s a brother or a sister?” the boy explained. “Because I think I’d like a brother. I already kind of have a sister with Jesse.”

Olivia laughed gently and kissed his nose. “No, sweet boy. You don’t get to choose. God is the only one who gets to do that. We won’t find out whether it’s a boy or girl until it’s born.”

“Born?” He frowned and Rafael had an uneasy feeling. _How does one explain this to a six year old?_ “You mean the baby isn’t going to be adopted? Like I was?”

His mother laughed again and said, “Everyone is born. You were. I was. Rafa was. We all grew inside our mommies tummies and then when we were big enough; we were born. I adopted you because your other mother couldn’t take care of you anymore, remember?”

That was the reason she’d given him when Sheila Porter forced her hand and made her explain to Noah far sooner than she’d ever wanted, the circumstances of how she came to be his momma. She kept it simple. His other mother couldn’t take of him. He didn’t need to know that the reason was because Ellie Porter was dead. The explanation had satisfied him at the time.

“Yeah, I remember. So you have a baby in your tummy? Right now?” He leaned away from her to peer down at her abdomen. “It must be very small.”

“It is. It’s about the size of a blueberry,” supplied Rafael, pleased with himself for remembering what the doctor had told them that morning.

“Cool. When will the baby be born?” he asked, still eyeing his mother’s flat stomach.

“Not until after Christmas,” Olivia said and his face fell.

“That’s a really long time.”

“It will go by quickly,” she assured him, then, satisfied he had understood and accepted the news, decided to end the conversation before he started overthinking and wanted to know how the baby got inside her. She didn’t want to have that conversation until he was at least twelve and then let Rafael be the one to handle it,

“Should we have some ice cream for dessert?”’

The next day when Olivia was making Noah’s lunch for school he requested blueberries as his fruit.

“Sure. Why?” she asked. He loved blueberries but usually preferred an orange for lunch.

“So I can show everyone how small our baby is right now,” Noah explained with a grin, alleviating any worries she’d had about his feelings about her pregnancy.

************

Four weeks passed quickly with work, the end of the school year and Noah’s baseball games keeping them busy, and suddenly Olivia and Rafael found themselves back at the doctor's office. This time the appointment was in the afternoon and the coffee maker was off, much to her relief, even though her sensitivity to that smell seemed to be lessening. She found she was able walk past the coffee carts on the sidewalk without holding her breath, but she still hadn’t ventured into the break room or allowed Rafael to make coffee at home. After getting on the scale Olivia was told she could stand to gain a little more weight, but with the nausea she’d had her current gain was still in an acceptable range.

“Never thought I’d hear a doctor tell me I should eat more ice cream,” Olivia quipped.

Rafael had already pulled up the website on his phone from where she ordered her favorite gourmet flavor. “How many pints do you want?”

The doctor pulled out the end of the exam table for her to lie down. “Let’s see if we can hear the heartbeat,” he said.

Liv lay down, pulled her blouse from her waistband and opened the front of her pants. The doctor placed the Doppler wand on her belly and a static-y sound came from the part he held in his other hand.

“At twelve weeks we have hunt around a little to find it,” the doctor explained, moving it around on her skin. “Aha! There it is.” A soft fast rhythmic whooshing sound filled the room.

Rafael had been standing beside her, his hand on her arm watching the doctor search for the heartbeat, but sank down into the chair when the sound became audible. His own heartbeat sped up and seemed to match it. He slid his hand down her arm to grasp her hand and lowered his head to kiss it. He was astonished. Seeing the fuzzy image on the screen a month ago was one thing, but this made it overwhelmingly real. The sound was proof positive a living human being was growing inside her. One that they made together. Olivia felt his lips on her hand and then moisture as a tear fell from his eyes. She reached across to run her other hand through his hair, a lump of emotion in her own throat. The sound vanished as the doctor removed the wand and turned off the device, leaving Rafael feeling disappointed. He released Liv’s hand so she could refasten her pants and discreetly wiped his eyes. Then he helped her sit up.

“Everything looks good. Keep doing what you’re doing and we’ll see you next month,” the doctor said. “Call if you have any questions or concerns. It’s getting warm out there. Remember to stay hydrated.”

Rafael took the doctor’s words to heart and plied Olivia with water at every opportunity, even sending her texts throughout the day, asking if she was drinking enough. If she was busy and didn’t answer soon enough to satisfy him, he would move onto her squad, starting with Carisi, who was completely on board with watching out for his lieutenant and would immediately come into her office.

“Are you and Carisi seriously teaming up on me?” she asked one night as they sat on the couch watching television. She had her feet in his lap and he was massaging them.

“What do you mean?”

“You text me and if I don’t answer you, suddenly Carisi is in my office inquiring about my welfare. Whether it’s about drinking water, or have I eaten lately or whatever. It’s always the same thing you just asked me,” she said. “Are you going to tell me that’s mere coincidence, counselor? No, don’t stop what you’re doing. Just answer the question.”

Rafael had the grace to look abashed.

“I’m sorry, Liv. I just start to worry when you don’t reply to my texts.”

“After two or three minutes? Honestly, Rafa,” she huffed. “I could see twenty or thirty minutes.”

She swung her feet off of his lap to the floor and stood up.

“Where are you going? Are you angry?”

“I have to pee. And no, I’m not angry. But can we agree on a little longer delay in response time before you call for back up?”

************

The sixteen-week checkup went without a hitch. Olivia’s weight gain was on target; even a little more than recommended. She told the doctor it was all the ice cream Rafael kept buying her. Rafael himself was unable to go with her, so Olivia invited Lucia to come so she could hear her grandchild’s heartbeat. The older woman had a recollection of hearing her son’s heartbeat before he was born, but this sound was much clearer and stronger than she recalled. Like her son, the sound brought tears of joy to her eyes.

“Thank you for inviting me,” she said, linking her arm through Olivia’s as they walked out of the office into the humid August afternoon. “I feel like I’ll know this nieto before it’s born. Are you going to find out whether it’s a boy or a girl?”

“No.” Liv shook her head. “I like the idea of it being a complete surprise. Although I think Rafa would like to know so he can be prepared.”

Lucia laughed. “You can never be prepared enough for a baby.”

Olivia joined in. “I think that’s what he’s afraid of.”

About two weeks after her appointment, Rafael came into the bedroom one morning to find her still sat on the bed in her underwear. Her head was down with hair hanging so couldn’t see her face or read her expression.

“Liv, Lucy is here --- what’s wrong? Are you sick? Is it the baby?” He crouched down beside her, his concern increased threefold and his pulse skyrocketed when she raised her head and her eyes were filled with tears.

“Nothing fits!” she wailed tearfully, falling back onto the mattress. That was when he noticed there was a gentle swell to her belly where the last time he’d looked was still flat. He also noticed it seemed every pair of pants she owned were on the bed around here.

He reached out a hand and placed it gently on her rounded stomach.

“Liv, honey,” he breathed.

“What?” she snapped, her eyes still closed.

“Livvy, look at yourself,” Rafael urged gently. She opened her eyes and looked down her body to where his hand rested. From that angle she could see the visible change in her body and her eyes widened. “This is why your pants are too tight. That’s our baby in there.”

Olivia pushed up on one elbow and placed her other hand over his.

“It is, isn’t it?” Now her eyes were filled with tears for a different reason.

“Oh, _mi amor_.” He leaned over and kissed the small swell and then moved to lay on his side beside her on the bed, no matter he was dressed for work in his shirt and tie. Brushing the tears from her face, he kissed her lovingly. “I’ll take you shopping later. Buy you anything you want. Let’s find you something to wear to work.”

Olivia ended up using a hair tie to connect the button hole to the button on her pants and chose a blouse that could be worn untucked to hide the rigged connector and the zipper that didn’t go all the way up.

“Does this look okay?” she asked as they prepared to go their separate ways for the day.

“ _Te ves hermosa_ \-- you look beautiful,” Rafael assured her. “I’ll see you later.” He put his arm around her waist and pulled her close to his side for a kiss, then kissed his fingertips and touched her belly. “Both of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for following along with this tale and all your comments! I can't wait to read them every time I post an update. Apologies if you are a fan of Chief Dodds. I go back and forth and feel like exactly what happened here: just when I start to like him, BOOM he acts like an ass.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little fluffy chapter wherein Olivia is outgrowing her shirts now too, Noah asks who is the baby's father and Lucia offers them an heirloom. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I haven't mentioned it recently, I didn't invent any of these characters. They belong to NBC and Dick Wolf. I just enjoy playing with them.

Much to Olivia’s chagrin, her waistline wasn’t the only thing expanding. She thought she would be able to purchase some new pants and keep wearing her regular work blouses without tucking them in until her stomach got significantly larger. That worked for about a week or two. Then one morning the blue blouse she pulled on wouldn’t button across her chest. Neither would the green one. Or any of the white or black ones she tried. She let out a frustrated growl and Rafael poked his head out of the bathroom where he was shaving.

“Can I help?” He was becoming accustomed to her mood swings and most times didn’t automatically jump to the conclusion that something was wrong with the baby.

“Not unless one of your shirts will fit over THESE!” She cupped a breast in each hand. They were, in fact, nearly overflowing the confines of her bra. “Look at them!” she said irritably, wanting to shout but mindful Noah was in the other room. “If they’re this big now, what are they going to look like in a couple more months?”

Rafael wiped his face with a towel, choosing his words carefully. He wanted to say he had been looking at them and tell her how much he was enjoying her increasing curvaceousness but judging by the look in her eye, decided it wasn’t a good idea. He crossed the room and opened the closet door to reveal the neat row of his dress shirts and motioned to them with a dramatic sweep of his arm.

“My closet is your closet,  _ mi amor. _ Anything for the mother of my child. Help yourself.”

Olivia’s eyes widened for a moment and she sank down on the bed, her annoyance dissipating like air let out of a balloon. Rafael watched in horror as her lip trembled and she began to cry. 

“Livvy, sweetheart, don’t cry!” He sat beside her on the mattress and pushed her hair back from her face, so he could look at her. “Why are you crying, honey?”

“Because you’re being so n-nice to me! N-none of my shirts f-fit and you offered me all of yours,” she sobbed, turning and burying her face in his neck.

Rafael held her and rubbed her back until her sobs subsided to sniffles. 

“C’mon,” he said gently, “let’s pick you a shirt for today and you can go shopping after work. Take Rollins or Rita with you and have dinner. Make a girls’ night out of it. Noah and I can fend for ourselves.”

Even though there was a rainbow of colors available, and she set out to choose her favorite, Olivia ended up deciding on a plain white shirt. She realized she didn’t actually have a favorite; it wasn’t the shirts that made his outfits for her, but the tie and suspender combinations. She looked at herself in the mirror - with the sleeves rolled up and paired with her new maternity pants, the shirt didn’t look too bad; certainly passable for one day at least. Plus she was comfortable, a feeling that was becoming harder to come by as her pregnancy progressed. 

That evening when Olivia came home laden with shopping bags, Barba regretted sending her shopping for an instant until he saw the smile on her face. When his Olivia was happy, he was happy. Watching her put away her purchases he thought he’d been using more possessive pronouns when he thought about them recently:  _ their  _ baby,  _ his  _ Olivia. In truth, she’d always been his in his head and heart, but now he was actually able to make it known to anyone who cared to listen. She changed into her tank top and shorts for sleeping, the clingy clothes making her baby bump all the more noticeable and he smiled as she climbed onto the bed and settled herself beside him, leaning her head against his shoulder with a sigh.

“Tired?” 

“A little. I bought more than I think I need, but Rita and Amanda insisted. They even made me get a dress. Why do I need a maternity dress?” 

“What if I want to take you out? Show off my baby mama? Ow!” he exclaimed, an exaggerated reaction to the smack she delivered to his leg.

“Don’t ever call me that again.”

“What should I call you then?”

“Olivia.”

“My Olivia,” he mused. Although he’d thought it in his head, Rafael had never said it out loud. “I like the sound of that.”

“Okay, no. Not that either.” She rolled her eyes, leaning away from him to reach for her water bottle on the nightstand.

“Well, I think we’re too old to be boyfriend and girlfriend,” he told her. “What do you call me? To others?”

“Rafael,” she said simply, with a shrug. But now this conversation had gotten her thinking about Dodds’ comment the day she revealed her pregnancy to him. Returning the bottle to its place, she snuggled against him, head on his chest, arm over his waist and crossed a leg over his. The position pressed her belly against his hip and he wondered how much longer it would be until she could feel the baby move. Before he could ask, she spoke again.

“Did I ever tell you what Dodds said to me that day?” He knew what day she meant without her specifying.

“Other than the story about his daughter?”

Olivia nodded against his chest, grateful her position let her avoid eye contact and fingered a tuft of chest hair that peeked out of the v-neck of his undershirt. “He asked if we were going to get married or if ours was one of those — his words — casual relationships.”

She felt him tense under her and heard the faint sound of his molars grinding. Pushing off his chest she moved to a sitting position facing him. “That’s when I left him sitting there on the bench with his melting lemonade.”

Barba met her eyes and she wasn’t sure what emotion she saw in his green ones.

“You know I don’t consider this -- what we have casual.”

“No! Neither do I,” she assured him. Olivia took of his hands in hers and traced the prominent vein on top of it with her forefinger. “Rafa, we have never had a casual relationship. Even when,” she paused, biting her lip. 

“I know,” he said gently. He knew she meant even when she was with Cassidy and Tucker. “Have you given any thought to what last name you’re going give the baby?”

“Yours, of course.” 

At her immediate declaration his heart skipped a beat. Although it was something Rafael hoped for, he never assumed she would give the baby his name. But as he looked at her smiling at him just then, he realized he didn’t just want their baby to have his name, he wanted her and Noah to have his name as well. 

“Liv,” he began, only to be interrupted by the sound of Noah’s voice from his room.

“Moooooommmmmmmmaaaaaa!”

Olivia started to move off of the bed, but Rafael was quicker. “I’ve got him,” he said, trailing a hand down her shoulder as he passed her by to leave the room. She grabbed it and kissed it briefly.

“I love you.”

A bad dream and Eddie hiding under the covers at the foot of the bed was all that was wrong. But it took a while to locate the naughty elephant and Noah required a drink of water and a back rub to go back to sleep. By the time Rafael returned to their bedroom Olivia was under the covers, sound asleep; even with the lights on. He turned them off and got in the bed next to her. She seemed to know he’d joined her and without really waking, moved closer so he could put an arm around her and she sighed contentedly. Pressing a kiss to her shoulder, he whispered.

“Good night, my love. I hope when I ask, you’ll agree to be my wife.”

Ironically, it was Noah who had interrupted his spur of the moment proposal the night before and it was the boy who brought the subject up again in a roundabout way the next day. It was Saturday and they were going shopping for some school clothes as it seemed like everything he owned was suddenly too small. Rafael joked he was the only one in the house that wasn’t outgrowing his clothes. Noah thought it was funny, but it earned him a dirty look from Olivia. Over breakfast, Noah asked again about how big the baby was. He was surprised when his mother told him about the size of a small cantaloupe and lifted her shirt to show him the change in her body.

“Does it hurt?” he asked. It reminded him of the bump he’d gotten on his head after being hit with a baseball.

“No,” she said. “You can touch it. Soon, you’ll be able to feel the baby move around inside.”

The boy laid a tentative hand on his mother’s abdomen. Then he looked up at her, his head tipped to one side.

“Who’s the baby’s dad?”

“Rafa is, sweet boy,” Olivia said, adjusting her shirt as he removed his small hand.

“So does that make him my dad now too, since the baby is my brother or sister?”

Rafael paused with his coffee cup halfway to his mouth and met Olivia’s eyes over Noah’s head. They both had wondered if and when the six year old would connect the dots, but hadn’t mentioned it to the other. Taking a bracing sip of caffeine, Rafael put his cup down and drew Noah onto his lap.

“Is that what you want, Noah? Would you like me to be your dad?”

Olivia’s heart was in her throat waiting for the answer and found herself gripping the back of the chair in front of her tightly. When she’d been forced by Sheila Porter to address the subject of Noah’s birth mother, she skirted over the topic of his birth father; save to say he had died when the boy asked about him. He seemed satisfied by the explanation at the time. 

Noah was surprised by the question. He wasn’t expecting to be given a choice in the matter. When the question occurred to him, he thought it would either be a yes or no from the adults. Noah thought about it. Rafa had been doing all the things he saw his classmates’ dad’s do since he moved in with them. Took and picked him up from school and baseball practice. He went to most of his baseball games, read him bedtime stories and helped him with his homework. And he was there at night with him now, instead of Lucy, when his mom had to work. Last night even, it was Rafa who helped him find Eddie and helped his bad dream go away, not his mom.

“Well, you do Dad things, so I guess you kind of already are, right?” Noah reasoned.

“I would say so,” Rafael agreed cautiously, not sure where the boy’s logic was headed.

“Okay, good. Then if I call you Dad, not Rafa, you’ll be my dad too; just like the baby,” he declared. He threw his arms around the man’s neck. “Thanks, Dad!”

Rafael’s arms went around his familiar small frame and returned the embrace. “You’re welcome,  _ mijo _ ,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. Then he cleared his throat. “Why don’t you go get your shoes on so we can get this shopping adventure started?”

“Okay!” He hopped off of his lap and ran for his room.

Olivia sank into the chair she’d been holding onto. “That went all right. Easier to answer than where do babies come from,” she joked. He nodded, still feeling a little emotional. Taking a drink of his now lukewarm coffee, he found his voice.

“You’re good with all of this, then?”

“ If I wasn’t I wouldn’t have let you take the lead just now, counselor,” she assured him.

“Noah seems to be pleased,” he said. ‘So Liv --”

“Momma! Ra--Dad! Let’s go!” said Noah, bouncing back into the room.

Rafael shook his head and laughed to himself. That child seemed to have a knack for interrupting.

“What?” she asked.

“Nothing that can’t wait.” He stood and pulled her to her feet, touching a light hand to her bump, which made her smile.

The children’s clothing department was adjacent to the baby department and Olivia found herself drifting in that direction while Noah and Rafael debated the merits of jeans versus khakis. She ran her hand over a shelf of soft blankets in a rainbow of pastel shades and looked around at the furnishings and other items, realizing they’d done nothing yet to prepare for the baby. 

“Rafael!” She hurried back to where he was now watching Noah tie on a pair of sneakers. The slight panic in her voice made him turn quickly.

“Liv, what’s wrong?”

“We don’t have anything for the baby! Where’s it going to sleep? What’s it going to wear? We need furniture and clothes and diapers…..we need a car seat!”

Noah looked up from the shoelaces and frowned at Rafael. His mom never sounded like this. But his dad -- he looked down to hide the smile that came to his face when he thought about calling Rafael his dad -- didn’t look too concerned. In fact, he looked like he was trying not to laugh. The boy relaxed.

“No need to panic,” Rafael said, running calming hands down her arms. “We’re only halfway there. There’s plenty of time. You still have Noah’s crib, right?”

“No, I donated it to Child Services to give to a foster family who needed one and the car seat he used as a baby once he outgrew it!”

He could see she was working herself into a small state, so he turned to Noah and said, “Are those shoes good,  _ mijo _ ? I think Momma needs some lunch.”

The boy stood up. “Can I wear them?”

“Sure. Put your old ones in the box and let’s go pay for them and the clothes we picked out.”

“Clothes! I don’t even have any of Noah’s old baby clothes!” Olivia grabbed Barba’s arm. “I didn’t have anywhere to store them so I donated them as he outgrew them.”

He put an arm around her to pull her close and kissed her temple. “Olivia, it’s all right. Let’s go pay for Noah’s new clothes, then we’ll get some lunch and make a list of everything we need.”

But as Rafael watched the list she was making in what he teased was her cop notebook grow, he realized they did need quite a bit: crib, changing table and/or dresser, car seat, clothes, diapers……

“Rafael, where are we going to put the crib?” Liv asked. With some food in her, she had calmed down considerably but now was faced with a new thought. “Noah’s room isn’t big enough for his bed and a crib.”

She was right. Her two bedroom apartment was okay for the three of them but not for an additional child. Now he had two big life decisions to discuss with her: moving and marriage. But in the middle of a pizza parlor with Noah wearing sauce on his nose wasn’t the place.

“We’ll figure something out. The baby can be in our room at first, Liv. Why don’t you talk to my mom tomorrow. I’m sure she would love to help you shop for these things,” Rafael suggested.

To say that Lucia would love to help prepare for the baby was an understatement. First she smiled, then she laughed with joy, then shed a few wistful tears when Oliva broached the subject at brunch on Sunday. Finally she stood and motioned for the mother-to-be to follow her, disappearing from the room. Liv threw a glance at Rafael who shrugged, before reaching over to swipe at syrup that had dripped onto the table in front of Noah before he could put his elbow in it. 

“Better go,” he said.

She pushed her chair back from the table and got to her feet. In the hallway, the older woman was nowhere to be found. “Lucia?”

“Up here,” came the reply, and Olivia began to climb the stairs to the second floor of the house. Lucia was standing in front of a door Olivia had never seen open before and realized it led to an attic space. “Sorry, it’s going to be warm up here.”

Stale, suffocating hot air met them a few steps up the stairs and Olivia hoped whatever mission they were on it wouldn’t last long. The space at the top was a wide open room filled with boxes and pieces of covered furniture. Lucia pulled a cloth from something, saying as she did so, “I don’t know if you want this. Some people don’t like older baby furniture, but this was Rafi’s.”

Dust fairies filled the sunlight as a wooden cradle was revealed. Olivia stepped forward to run a hand over the polished wood. It wasn’t a large cradle; designed to be used just the first few months. It looked handmade. “It’s beautiful.”

“Rafi’s abuelo — my father — made it. I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” Olivia smiled at her. “I would love to use it. Thank you.”

‘Momma! Abuela!” Noah’s voice preceded the sound of his feet on the stairs. “Whoa! It’s hot up here! What is this place?” he asked when he reached the top.

“It’s the attic where Abuela keeps her memories,” Rafael said with a wink at his mother as he joined his son. “I thought this might have been where you disappeared to. Ah, the cradle. I wondered if you still had it.”

“Of course,” she huffed. “Just waiting for you to have a child to put in it.”

“Well, now he does,” Olivia said, wanting to end any bickering before started and get out of the attic. “Rafa, can you take it -- “ she stopped, suddenly feeling lightheaded and put a hand on the cradle to steady herself, which didn’t go unnoticed by either Barba.

“Olivia!” Lucia said.

“I’m all right,” she lied as a line of sweat ran down her back.

“No, you’re not,” Rafael declared. “We’re getting out of here. Now.” His own shirt was sticking to him after just the few minutes he’d been on the top floor of the house. He took her by the arm and led her toward the stairs. They were too narrow for him to descend them at her side, so he went ahead of her in case she stumbled.

“Hold onto the railing,” he ordered and she did, as well as put a clammy hand on his shoulder to steady her wobbling legs. Once they were in cooler, air conditioned hallway, he turned to look at her. “Jesus, Liv.” 

Her usual tanned face was pale so that the smattering of freckles stood out on her cheeks, and damp strands of hair clung to the sides of her face.

“I need to sit down,” she said, fighting against the spots filling her vision.

Putting an arm around her waist, Rafael led her into the nearest bedroom, She sat on the edge of the bed and bent over, resting her elbows on her knees, head hanging. He rubbed her back while she took deep breaths, the lightheadedness starting to fade.

“Here.” Lucia came into the room and handed him a cool, damp washcloth that he placed on the back of her neck.

“Dad, is Momma okay?” Noah had trailed after Lucia. “Momma, are you okay?”

“She is,  _ mijo _ ,” Rafael assured him. “It was just too hot in the attic for her and the baby. Can you get her a drink of water from the bathroom in a paper cup?”

“Sure!” the boy left to do as bidden.

“Dad?” Lucia raised an eyebrow at her son.

Olivia removed the cloth from her neck and lifted her head. She wiped her face with it and pushed her hair back. Then she said,

“He asked who the baby’s father and then extrapolated that since the baby is his sibling, Rafael would be his father now as well.”

“Sound logic,” replied Lucia, with a smirk that told Olivia her son came by it genetically. Then her face softened. “I’m sorry, Olivia. I shouldn’t have dragged you up into that sweat box. I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s okay, Lucia. No harm done,” she assured her, sliding a glance at Rafael who had his arms crossed on his chest and was glaring slightly at his mother. “Really.”

“Here’s your water, Momma.” Noah returned, walking carefully and concentrating on not spilling the water he’d put in the small paper cup.

“Thank you, sweet boy.” She took it from him and drank it down, wanting more but also wanting to go home and change out of her sweat-soaked shirt that was now making her chilly in the cooler air. The other woman read her body language.

“Rafi, you need to take Olivia home. She needs to change out of those damp clothes,” she told her son. 

“But I was going to play in the sprinkler!” Noah protested. Lucia didn’t have much of a yard, but on hot days she would set up the sprinkler so he could cool off in the spray, much as Rafael had at the same age.

“If your  _ mami  _ and -- “ Lucia paused and looked at her son with a smile, “ _ papi _ don’t mind, you can stay.

“Can I?” Noah looked at his parents. “Please?”

“There’s only a week or so until school starts. Then we’ll have to be getting home earlier on Sundays,” his mother said. “So I suppose so. As long as Abuela doesn’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Lucia assured her. “I wouldn’t have offered if I did.”

“Yay!” Noah cheered. “I’ll go put on my bathing suit!” He ran out of the room toward the one that had been Rafael’s as a child.

“Thanks, mom.” Rafael kissed her on the cheek, then took Olivia’s hand and pulled her to standing. “Let’s get you two home.”

“Thank you, Lucia. For letting Noah stay and for the cradle,” Olivia said, then chuckled. “I’d hug you but I’m damp.”

“You’re welcome. For both. I’ll bring him home later. Go enjoy some peace and quiet. A few months more and those days will be gone.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia and Rafael enjoy some child-free time alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is following along with project Baby Barson! I love reading your comments and have gotten some adorable suggestions.

On the way home, Olivia regarded Rafael with interest. She was feeling better and it was the first time they had truly been alone in a while when she wasn’t tired or sick. The heat from the attic had made him sweat enough to curl his hair at his collar and around his hairline. His short sleeved shirt emphasized his biceps and she watched the muscles in his forearms move as he steered the car and the ones in his leg as he moved his foot between the gas and brake pedals. She placed her hand on his upper thigh. He glanced over and cast her a smile, which she returned and gave his leg a squeeze. Then she slid her hand toward his inner thigh, her pinkie finger grazing his zipper.

He raised an eyebrow. “I’m driving.”

“We’re almost home.”

She kept her hand in place for the rest of the way, not saying another word. Rafael sent up a prayer of thanks that traffic was light and she was right; they were almost home, because he was acutely aware of her hand, warm through the lightweight cloth of his summer pants and the proximity of her littlest finger to his crotch. Every so often, she would move it slightly sending a tingle through his body, ending up between his legs.

They hadn’t made love since before the IVF procedure. Immediately after, they weren’t allowed; then once the doctor had given them the green light for sex, Olivia had been too tired or nauseous to be interested. Plus, he had been concerned about putting the baby at risk. Not that he hadn’t thought about it. Daily, he was teased by the sight of her every-increasing cleavage and wanted to bury his face in it and inhale her scent before peppering her breasts with kisses. His groin tightened at the thought, and he tried to concentrate on negotiating the car into the parking garage instead.

On the short elevator ride to their floor, Olivia looped her arm around his waist and leaned into his side. She pressed her lips to the skin of his neck between his collar and ear.

“Mmmm, you smell good,” she whispered in his ear before nibbling on his earlobe. The door opened and she left the elevator, strolling down the hall toward their door. He followed, hands shoved in his pockets to hide the growing bulge in his pants in case they encountered any neighbors. Unlocking the door, he allowed her to precede him inside and closed it behind them.

“I need a shower after being so sweaty,” Olivia said, running a finger down his chest. “Want to scrub my back?”

Rafael watched her walk down the hallway, admiring the sway of her hips. Flipping the lock on the door, he followed. By the time he reached the bedroom she had stripped to her underwear. She paused in the doorway to the bathroom and turned slightly in his direction, reaching back to unhook her bra. The straps fell away and the cups clung to her full breasts for a moment before dropping into her hands, revealing them to him. He licked his lips and met her eyes.

She tossed the brassiere at him and he caught it by a strap as she disappeared into the bathroom. He heard the taps turn on. Raising the lacey garment to his nose, he inhaled the intoxicating scent of her body wash combined with the musky smell that had become uniquely hers since becoming pregnant. Exhaling sharply, he toed off his shoes and had just unbuckled his belt when something hit him squarely in the chest and fell to the floor. Her panties. Rushing to remove the rest of his clothes, he walked into the bathroom. She was already in the shower but the door remained open, an invitation for him to join her.

Rafael stepped into the stall and closed the door. Olivia was standing facing the spray, head tipped back, eyes closed, hands cupped under the water as it ran in rivulets over her breasts and belly. He squirted some of her body wash onto the netted pouf and worked up a lather before placing it on her back and moving it back and forth across her shoulders.

“Is this what you had in mind?” he murmured, moving it down her spine, leaving a trail of scented suds behind.

“It’s a start,” Olivia replied and although he couldn’t see her face, he heard the smile in her voice. He continued to wash her back, moving lower to her firm buttocks. When he reached the backs of her thighs, she hummed with pleasure and turned around to face him.

Reaching for the bar of soap he used, she worked up a lather between her hands and spread it across his chest and shoulders.

“I thought I was washing you,” he said, enjoying the feel of her hands on him. She shrugged.

“You do me. I do you.”

Her hands continued down his abdomen, skirting around his erection. He had been partially aroused when he joined her in the shower and grew harder as her hands had moved across his body, slick with soap. He had lifted the hand holding the pouf and was about to lower it onto her chest when he felt hers cup his balls. He drew in a sharp breath and hissed it out as her hand moved to close around his length.

“Don’t stop what you’re doing,” Olivia instructed.

“You make it hard to concentrate,” he countered with a smirk. “Pun intended.”

“Try. But lose the sponge. I want to feel your hands on me.”

The pouf hit the tile under their feet and he caressed the sides of her breasts first and then cupped one in each hand, savoring the heavy fullness of them. She let out a small gasp and he pulled his hands away.

“Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head. “They’re tender but that feels good. I’ve been wanting you to touch them. Don’t stop.” Leaning into him, she kissed his mouth. “Please.”

Her hands continued their ministrations on him as he returned his hands to her breasts and his lips to her lips. She moaned lightly, which he echoed when she tightened her fist around him. Taking one of his hands in hers, she moved it to between her legs. His fingers found her slick with want.

Rafael wasn’t averse to making love in the shower. It wouldn’t be a first, but he didn’t want either of them to lose footing; especially Olivia. He wasn’t even sure he wanted -- no, he was sure he wanted to, but he was still concerned about harming the baby. His fingers slipped between her folds and stroked her gently. She moved her lips from his mouth to his jaw and then his neck, gently biting the skin in response to his touch. When she felt his finger enter her, she threw her head back, gasping.

“Raf!”

He took the opportunity to press his lips against the exposed skin of her neck, and pulled her closer with his other arm, supporting her weight as she leaned into him, grasping his hips with both hands, trapping his other hand and his erection between them. His lips traveled up and down her neck and back to her mouth. His tongue mimicked the actions of his finger between her legs, his thumb finding her sensitive nub and she could feel a coil of sensation building in her belly.

Olivia pulled her mouth off of his. “Rafa, wait.”

He immediately removed his hand from between her legs and moved it to her cheek, cupping it and looking in her eyes, his own wide with concern.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“No, no. I just don’t -- I want -- ” She rested her forehead against his. “I want you inside me,” she whispered. “Not your fingers.”

He turned off the water and reached out of the stall for a towel, keeping one arm around her. Then he patted her skin dry. Arms, back, breasts and the gentle swell of her belly, pressing a kiss against it as he knelt to dry her legs. Using the same towel he briskly dried himself and helped her step from the stall.

Olivia took his hand and led him to the bedroom. Her body still tingled with arousal and she stood in front of Rafael, putting her arms around his neck and pressing herself against him. She moved to kiss him but he placed his hands on her waist and put some space between them, his erection having deflated a bit with the cool air and the concern in the back of his mind.

“Are you sure we can do this? It’s not going to hurt the baby? Or you?”

Olivia huffed in frustration but didn’t remove her arms.

“Barba, it’s perfectly safe for us to have sex. The doctor has said so. Your books say so.” She waved a hand in the direction of a stack on his nightstand. “Want me to cite the sources that support my argument?”

“But -- “

She took his face in her hands and looked into his green eyes

“Rafael, listen to me. My nausea and tiredness has finally gone away. I have these bigger boobs I know you look at every day and that ache for you to touch. I walk around in almost a perpetual state of arousal.

“Nothing bad is going to happen. I promise. I _need_ you to make love to me. I _need_ to feel you inside me.”

His body had begun to respond to her words and she could feel it against her. When she finished speaking, she resumed her movement to kiss him, threading her fingers through his hair and holding his head in place while she sipped and nipped at his lips. Sighing with pleasure, his hands went from her waist to her back, pulling her closer and taking control of the kiss until she pulled away, breathless and panting.

“Have I made my case then, counselor?” she asked. His eyes crinkled as he smiled at her.

“Quite convincingly. I concede. So how — “ He paused and she knew he was asking about positions.

“Well, I’m not so big you can’t still be on top. Just don’t squish me. Or him.”

“Or her.” But he shook his head and kissed her shoulder. “No, I don’t like that idea. How about this?”

Rafael shuffled backward, taking her with him until he could sit on the bed and pulled her onto his lap. If he was honest, this was one of his preferred positions for making love with Olivia. Their equality in height was maintained like this. He could look into her eyes, no one got a crick in their neck from having it bent while kissing, and they could equally control their movements. She smiled.

“This works. Now kiss me again.”

He did, with an intensity that stole her breath. It had been far too long, and he wasn’t going to waste another moment.

 

“You’re spoiling me,” Olivia said.

After making love, they’d climbed into bed for a snuggle, still enjoying their child-free time and she fell asleep with her head on Rafael’s chest. When she awakened, he told her he’d spoken to his mother and she was keeping Noah for the night and so he had arranged for dinner to be delivered that evening. He was dressed again, in jeans and a T-shirt that fit to his arms and shoulders in a very distracting fashion.

“You deserve to be spoiled, _mi amor_ ,” he replied, sitting beside her on the bed and put his hand on the other side of her hips, leaning down for a kiss,. “You’re doing a very important job; growing our baby.”

She smiled against his mouth. She loved to hear him say things like that: “our baby”.

“We have a while before dinner, what do you want to do?” He winked at her. Now that his fears had been assuaged about sex with his beautiful, pregnant —

“Marry me,” Rafael blurted.

“What?”

“Hell. That wasn’t the way it was supposed to be,” he muttered, standing up and running a hand through his hair. He took a couple steps away from the bed and turned back to face her.

“I had this all planned. Dinner, soft music, maybe some candles. Strawberry ice cream for dessert. Then a romantic proposal. I even considered getting down on one knee, even though I don’t have a ring to give you.”

He was rambling now but he didn’t care, he had to get this out, so he kept going.

“I’ve been thinking about this since the other night when I asked you what name you were going to give the baby and you said mine. Well, actually I’ve been thinking about it longer than that, but I was going to ask you that night before Noah had his bad dream, and then again the next day after his question about the baby’s father and saying I was his dad too, but then he interrupted again. So when _Mami_ kept him to play in the sprinkler today and we finally had some time alone, I decided to propose properly.”

Olivia had pushed herself to a sitting position, with the sheet tucked under her arms. A small smile played on her face. She knew better than to interrupt him. It was like he was giving his summation before a jury.

“But then you — you seduced me.” He paused and grinned at her. “And I almost forgot about it until you were asleep. So I asked my mom if Noah could stay at her place for dinner too and she offered to keep him overnight because she guessed what I was going to do. Then just now when I asked you what you wanted to do I was thinking we could do it again since I wasn’t afraid anymore to make love to my beautiful, pregnant — and I wanted to call you my wife in my head but I didn’t, because you aren’t but God, I want you to be.”

Rafael sat back down beside her and took her hands in his.

“Olivia Benson, I want you to be my wife. Will you be my wife?”

She cocked her head to one side and looked at him. But then because she felt he could hear her heart pounding out of her chest, she couldn’t wait any longer to reply, smiled and said,

“Yes, Rafael Barba. Yes, I will be your wife.”

Joy swelled in his chest and he returned her smile before  cupping her face in his hands and kissing her thoroughly. When he pulled back just enough to look at her, his thumb caressing her face, she said,

“So you’re not afraid anything will happen to the baby anymore?”

He raised an eyebrow at her.

“Because there’s this other position I saw in one of your books.” Olivia whispered seductively, reaching for the hem of his T-shirt.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia has accepted Rafael’s proposal. But when will they get married?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I updated this! I’m so sorry! This is a little short chapter to tie up the previous one before we can move on to the baby countdown. Plus, I’d really like to update all my Barson fics before I go on my Excellent Esparza Expedition next week to see him in The Waves. 
> 
> Thank you for reading along and please let me know what you think. I’ve introduced some new head canon in this chapter.

Once Olivia accepted his proposal, Rafael wanted to take her ring shopping immediately. She had to remind him it was evening and the jewelry stores were closed.

“But the internet never closes,” he declared, getting his laptop.

“I’m not buying my engagement ring online, Barba.”

“No, but we can window shop.”

“Go to Pinterest,” she instructed, with a sheepish grin. “I may or may not have looked at rings as well as baby furniture.”

Rafael was surprised to see she had a board with quite a few baby items pinned, from nursery furniture to accessories and clothes as well as also another board with just four images of rings. What didn’t surprise him was that none of them were diamond solitaires, even though he would buy the biggest diamond she wanted. He knew Olivia well enough to know she wouldn’t want a ring that she couldn’t wear on duty; and that she wouldn’t want to take it on and off. All four of the rings she had pinned were bands of yellow gold in varying widths and with varying amounts of diamonds on them. The one that caught his eye was two delicate bands of gold woven together. One was plain and the other set with diamonds for half of its circumference.

“I like that one.” He moved the pointer on the screen to indicate the photo.

“Me too,” she said. “It’s like an engagement ring and wedding band in one. I don’t want something big that --”

“You can’t wear on duty, I know.” He finished the sentence for her.

“You know me too well, Rafa.”

“We’ll go see if any of the stores have that one tomorrow,” he promised.

“What about work?”

“Ah, what’s work?” Rafael waved his hand carelessly, making her laugh.

“Maybe we take a long lunch?” she suggested. “And look at some baby furniture too?”

They were sitting on the couch, him in the corner with Olivia situated between his legs, the computer on her lap. A lap that was shrinking by the day it seemed to her. She reached to navigate back to the board of baby items were and suddenly stopped, placing her hand on her stomach.

“Oh!”

“What’s oh?” Rafael asked, putting the laptop on the floor and covering her hand with his. “Does something hurt?”

“No, no. I think — “ she switched her hand so it was atop his and slid it under her shirt to rest on her skin. “Can you feel that? Right there?”

“No, what do you — ohhh.”

Realization dawned as he figured out she was feeling the baby moving for the first time.

“What does it feel like?” Rafael asked

“Like a flutter, kind of, or bubbles popping inside me. It’s hard to describe. But you can’t feel it?”

The sensation had moved to a different spot on her belly and she slid his hand to it.

“No,” he sounded disappointed.

Olivia turned in his arms and kissed his cheek. “You will. Soon I’m sure, if he’s growing as fast as my waistline is.”

“Or she.”

“Or she.”

She settled back against his chest and they browsed through the baby furniture she’d pinned. There were cribs, changing tables, dressers, rocking chairs, car seats and strollers.

“Uh, Liv.  Where are you thinking we will put all this stuff?” Rafael asked, rubbing his hand absently on her bump, wishing he was able to feel their child move.

“We don’t have to get any of it right now,” she replied, leaning her head back against his shoulder. “We have the cradle from your mother and that can go in our room. But we are going to need a bigger place.” Olivia sighed. “Moving and marriage all at once. Wow.”

He nosed her hair away from her neck to kiss it.

“Regrets?”

She heard the slight concern in his voice and lowered the computer to the floor again. Awkwardly, Olivia maneuvered herself around so she was kneeling between his legs, facing him. She put her hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eye. He knew before she spoke that any momentary fear he’d had about her having regrets was unfounded. Nonetheless, she spoke. Softly, but with a conviction that could not be doubted.

“Rafael Barba, do not think for even the smallest of seconds that I regret _any_ thing with you. I love you. With all my heart. You are my rock and my strength. I cannot wait to have a child with you -- parent another child with you.”

She moved her hands to place her palms on either side of his face and leaned in to kiss him, but fell against his chest with a soft oof and began to laugh.

“Center of gravity has changed.”

“No complaints from me,” he replied, cradling her in his arms and resuming the kiss where she left off. Finally, Olivia turned her head into his shoulder to catch her breath. Then she looked up at him.

“Before we get completely distracted, I want to finish what I was saying. I don’t care so much about moving into a bigger place right away because the baby can sleep in our room, but since you’re going to make an honest woman out of me, I’d like to do that before he -- or she,” she quickly amended when he quirked an eyebrow, “is born.”

“We can go to the courthouse tomorrow. I’m sure we can find someone who will issue a judicial waiver for the 24 hour waiting period. I know a couple judges.”

She laughed at his eagerness. “Just a couple. But that’s a little soon.”

“Okay, so tomorrow is off the table. Then when? Do you want a big wedding? My mother would prefer it in the Church but I’ve already told her that’s not happening.”

“You’ve discussed this with your mother?”

“More like she talked, I rebutted. She’s been pushing me to propose since you got pregnant.”

“Because God forbid you have a child out of wedlock, right?” Her voice was laced with sarcasm, anger and a little sadness.

Olivia pushed herself away from him and stood up from the couch with a little difficulty, thinking briefly that action was only going to get harder before it got easier.

“Liv, that’s not what I meant,” Rafael began, but she interrupted him with an outstretched palm facing him.

“Stop, Rafa. Just stop. I want to marry you. I do. But I don’t want to do it because it’s what’s expected by your mother. Or you for that matter.”

She ran her hands over her belly.

“This baby will be loved by two parents regardless of whether their names are on a marriage certificate. And I told you he will have your name before you even proposed. Did you tell your mother that?”

Olivia padded into the kitchen to get a glass of water. She was trying very hard not to lose her temper over this. She wanted to believe Rafael had asked her to marry him because it was what he wanted, not what his mother wanted. One of the ultrasound images hung on the refrigerator caught her eye. Baby Barba, it said. She blinked back sudden tears. Damn hormones, she thought.

“Olivia.” Rafael’s voice was quiet behind her. She turned and went into his outstretched arms; hers going around his shoulders and holding tight.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered against his neck.

“No, it’s my fault. I didn’t mean to make it sound like that’s all my mother cares about.” He rubbed his hands up and down on her back. “Liv, Barba was not my father’s last name.”

She pulled her head back to look at him. “What?”

“Come sit. I’ll explain.” Rafael took her hand and led her back to the couch.

“My parents met when my mom was 17. My father was older — 21 and out of school and my Abuelita and Abuelo did not approve. But you know how it is,” he said with a shrug. “Tell a teenager not to do something and they want to do the opposite.

“She got pregnant and having a baby out of wedlock was just as much a sin as how she ended up that way. My father did the honorable thing and married her but she never took his name and didn’t give me his.”

Olivia looked at him, shocked at this revelation. She knew his relationship with his father hadn’t been a good one. This shed a little more light on why. But as she considered it more, she could see the Lucia Barba she’d come to know doing exactly that; staying in a forced marriage but keeping her own name and giving it to her child.

“Did they even love each other?” she asked.

“I assume so. But not enough to want to be married to each other. At least not at 18 and 21.”

“But they stayed married.”

Rafael let out a dry laugh. “Divorce was a sin too. Do you see, Liv, my mother doesn’t think we have to get married. She wants us to get married because we want to.”

Tears filled her eyes again as Olivia looked at him, hearing the love and sincerity in his voice.

“Damn, hormones,” she said, with a laugh, brushing at them. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed away the remaining moisture from her cheeks. Looking into his green eyes she added with a grin. “So, about that judicial waiver.”

In the end, they waited a couple of weeks after getting the marriage license, just to make a few arrangements. The ceremony was at the courthouse with just Lucia and Noah present. Rafael and Noah wore suits with matching ties and suspenders. Rita and Amanda took Olivia shopping again and she found a dress in soft blue that draped flatteringly over her belly, which, in the intervening weeks had gotten even bigger. Since her dress was blue and her ring new, Lucia presented her with a pair of pearl earrings that had been her mother’s as something old, and she borrowed one of Rafael’s handkerchiefs to dab at any tears. She surprised herself by staying dry eyed until it came time to exchange rings. Then, as Olivia held his hand in hers and slid the gold band onto his long finger, a lone tear fell; splashing onto both their hands, christening the union.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia’s pregnancy progresses, the newlyweds discuss moving, Lucia saves the day for Noah and our mother-to-be takes a tumble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote so much this update is going to be two chapters. Chapter 11 should be up by the end of the week if not sooner.

Fall came early to New York City that year, for which Olivia was grateful; because as her belly continued to grow, her internal thermostat began to rise. While her squad was coming to work in sweaters, she still favored the lightweight blouses and tops she’d bought over the summer. At night, Rafael used her as his heat source, because she refused to put a heavier blanket on their bed. The first time he’d complained, she reminded him he could sleep on the couch if he didn’t like sharing a bed with her. He didn’t bring it up again and took to wearing more clothes to bed.

Snuggling close to his wife -- his wife! he never grew tired of saying or thinking those words -- had another benefit: feeling the baby move. The first time he felt it, she was tucked up against his back; as close as she could with her bump between them, an arm flung over his shoulder. He was just about asleep when he felt a poke in his back.

“What?” Rafael said sleepily.

“What, what?” she replied equally sleepily.

“You poked me. What do you need?”

“I didn’t poke you, Rafa.”

“Yes, you did. See, right here. Why are you poking me?”

Olivia began to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” He was sleepy enough it irritated him that she was laughing.

“That wasn’t me.” 

She reached over and took his hand and placed it on her stomach and he felt the gentle poking sensation on his palm. He rolled over to face her, fully awake now, and put both hands on her rounded belly.

“It stopped.” He pouted.

“No, he just moved to a different spot,” she said, moving his hand and again he felt the kick against his palm.

“She,” Rafael corrected. He was convinced at this point the baby was a girl and took every opportunity to share his opinion with anyone who would listen. Sometimes Olivia said ‘he’ just to get a rise out of him. Of course, Noah was still campaigning for a brother and occasionally took great offense to his father’s insistence he was getting a sister.

When Olivia had her appointment toward the end of October, the doctor said he would like to see her out of the field for the remainder of her pregnancy. Deputy Chief Dodds, who had been acting irritatingly like the proud grandfather had already issued that decree, she told the doctor, who nodded in agreement. She made a token protest, but was secretly okay with those orders. In recent weeks, Olivia had experienced a few changes in herself that made her more comfortable staying behind her desk. For one, she was more easily distracted and forgetful. Pregnant brain, Amanda had called it. Completely normal. Along with her slower gait, lower back pain and tendency to cry at the drop of a hat. Olivia was horrified at all of it and said so one night to Rafael. 

“How can I be an effective commanding officer when I can’t remember details and cry when I look at photo of you and Noah on sitting on my desk?”

She was sitting on the couch with her feet in his lap, his thumbs doing delicious things to their soles.

“You could always take your maternity leave early,” he suggested lightly, his hands moving to her ankles, examining them for swelling. Rafael was all for her taking time off sooner, but the first time he suggested it, was met with such vehement negativity he hadn’t mentioned it again until now.

“And do what?” She was relaxed from the ministrations of his hands on her feet and now calves so her reaction this time was tempered by that.

“House hunt?” 

Now that getting married had been crossed off the to-do list, Rafael was ready to move them into a larger living space; rather than try and do it with a newborn in the middle of winter. They’d brought the cradle from his mother’s house. In her attic, it didn’t look that large, but in their bedroom with all the other furniture, he’d stubbed his toes on it enough times that Noah had remembered and repeated one of the curses he’d shouted in Spanish. Rafael had laughed, earning a glare from his wife. But like the maternity leave suggestion, the last time he broached the subject with Olivia she’d burst into tears and said the thought of moving was too exhausting.

Olivia looked across the room to where wedding gifts -- most still in their shipping boxes with the familiar arrow smile -- were stacked, unopened, because they had nowhere to put the contents. Then she turned her eyes back to the man at the other end of the couch, looking at him over her belly and sighed.

“We are running out of space, aren’t we?”

He nodded, continuing to massage her legs, waiting to see what else she was going to say.

“I suppose it can’t hurt to start looking. See what’s out there in our price range,” she finished.

Whether they would rent or buy was still up in the air, but three bedrooms and two baths were at the top of the the must-have’s list. Noah kept insisting he would share his room with his baby brother, but his parents knew that offer was not something he’d hold to once the baby was born; especially if it turned out Rafael was correct and it was a girl. Olivia started looking at the apartment listings online and emailed links for ones that fit their requirements to Rafael for his consideration.

Hallowe’en dawned gray, rainy and cold, much to Noah’s displeasure, and he announced at breakfast that he was not wearing a coat over his Captain America costume.

“Captain America was frozen, Momma,” the boy protested loudly when she broached the possibility. “He doesn’t need a coat!”

Olivia had woke with a headache -- frequent headaches were another addition to her constitution now that she was in the third trimester -- and the weather and her son’s attitude wasn’t helping. She pinched the bridge of her nose, wishing she could wash her pain relievers down with a caffeinated cup of coffee but Rafael had banned that from her diet months ago. Maybe a some chocolate would help instead she thought. He seemed to forget that chocolate contained caffeine and she didn’t remind him. Her action wasn’t missed by her husband.

“Noah,  _ mijo _ . Don’t shout at your mother,” Rafael said as he walked around the kitchen bar carrying his own cup. He pulled up the weather forecast on his phone. “Let’s revisit this issue after school, okay? But you will wear a coat to school.  _ ¿tú entiendes? _ ”

“Yes, Dad.”

“Good. Now, finish your breakfast. Lucy will be here soon.”

Once Noah and Lucy had departed, Rafael turned to Olivia. “Headache again?”

“Yes,” she groused, eyeing his coffee covetously. “This weather doesn’t help.”

He walked behind her where she sat at the bar and massaged her neck at the base of her skull. She groaned with pleasure.

“You can follow me around and do that all day.”

“I wish I could. Why don’t you take the day off?” he suggested. She shook her head.

“Can’t. End of the month means paperwork has to be turned in. I’d rather get in and get it done so I can go trick or treating with you and Noah tonight.”

“Do you think all that walking is a good idea?”

“The doctor said walking is good for me, Rafa. Just not chasing perps three blocks.” 

She turned around and put her arms around his neck. He could still get his around her waist. Barely. As her belly pressed against him, he felt the baby move against his own abdomen. Rafael moved one hand to the spot, a soft smile on his face. He couldn’t wait until this baby was out in the world with them and he could hold it in his arms.

“She’s busy today already.” Rafael said, rubbing the spot where he’d felt the little knee or elbow.

“It’s when he hears your voice,” Olivia said, making his smile widen goofily. Then she leaned in and kissed him. “I need to get going. You do too. Trick or treating starts at 6:00. I’ll try and meet you at your mom’s by 5:30.”

“Noah’s going to be really upset if he has to wear a coat over that costume,” Rafael said as he helped her on with hers. She couldn’t get it completely buttoned over her belly and so wore a large blanket scarf beneath to cover the part that remained exposed. He wanted her to get a new coat, but she hadn’t taken the time to do so yet. Mentally, he made a note to look online at maternity coats.

“He’s going to have to. Especially if it doesn’t stop raining.” Olivia’s voice wore the don’t-argue-with-me-I’m-the-mom tone so he let it drop for the moment.

They shared a cab, dropping her at the precinct first, before heading to his office. While the car made its way through traffic, Rafael’s phone rang. The caller ID showed it was his mother.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Rafi! What time are you bringing  _ mi nieto  _ over to trick or treat tonight?” Lucia Barba’s voice came through the phone.

“I don’t know. Liv said she’s going to try and be there by 5:30. She’ll be coming from work. I’ll go home and change and bring him over. Lucy is going to feed him dinner early. I’ll warn you, we may have a drama getting Noah to wear a coat over his costume.”

Lucia chuckled. “You had a couple of those years,  _ mijo _ . What is his costume?”

“Captain America. Why?”

“Tell Lucy to bring him here after school,” Lucia said cryptically. “I’ll take care of dinner. Gotta go, Rafi. Students running in the halls.” 

“Bye, Mom,” Rafael said, but she was already gone. He sighed, wondering what his mother was up to. But then he was at his office and the day kept him busy enough that he didn’t have time to ponder it further.

By the time Olivia got to her mother-in-law’s that evening, it was nearly 6 o’clock. Her eyes were weary from all the paperwork she’d completed and submitted that day, her back was aching and the last thing she wanted to do was follow Noah around on the wet sidewalks dodging other costumed children. The rain had stopped but the temperature had dropped. As she opened the door, she mentally prepared herself for the battle about to ensue with her son over wearing a coat.

“Momma! Momma! I’m ready, let’s go, let’s go!” 

Noah ran at her, dressed in his costume, shield in one hand, trick or treat bag in the other.

“Noah, sweet boy, you look adorable. But you’re going to have to wear a coat, honey. It’s gotten cold and windy outside.”

“No, Momma! I don’t need a coat!” 

“Yes, you do,” she began, crossing the room to lower herself into one of Lucia’s overstuffed chairs. Olivia looked over his head at Rafael, who was dressed in jeans and a Harvard hoodie and met his eyes, silently asking for backup, wishing she could just stay in the comfortable chair.

“No! Abuela made it so I don’t!” Noah insisted. “I’ll be plenty warm.”

“What are you talking about, Noah?”

Rafael put his hand on Noah’s curls to calm his excited attempt at explanation as Lucia entered the room, drying her hands on a towel.

“Hello, Olivia,” she said. “You look tired,  _ hija _ .”

“My mother found our boy long underwear with pockets that hold warmers to wear under his costume.” He turned the boy around and unzipped the back of his costume to show Olivia the tight fitting pants and long sleeved turtleneck made from microfiber to hold in heat and the small slash pockets, like ones on exercise pants, designed to hold small hand warmer type pouches.

“No coat needed,” said the proud grandmother. “I remember how hard it is to get them to put a coat over the costume. One year I had to tell Rafi he couldn’t go out if he didn’t wear one. Oh, you should have heard the reasons he gave me why cowboys didn’t wear coats!”

“Well, they don’t,” Rafael countered and zipped Noah’s costume back up while the two women exchanged smiles. Noah picked up the mask and pulled it over his head so that only his blue eyes showed. His father straightened it so he could see properly.

“Let’s go, Momma!” 

Olivia scooted to the edge of the cushion so she could push herself to her feet. Rafael saw the tiredness on her face.

“Why don’t you stay here,  _ mi amor _ ? Help  _ Mami _ hand out the candy,” he said. “I’ll take him.”

“I want Momma to come!” Noah demanded. 

“Momma’s tired tonight,  _ mijo _ . She and the baby need to rest.”

Olivia shook her head. She didn’t want Noah to feel neglected or pushed aside because of the baby. Lucia pressed her lips together to keep from intervening. If she had her way, her daughter-in-law would be on the couch with her feet up. As much as she was looking forward to another grandchild, she worried. In her day, women were becoming grandmothers at fifty, not having their first child.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll come.” She adjusted her scarf and rebuttoned her coat. “Let’s go, sweet boy.”

Noah ran to the door, excitedly shifting from foot to foot. Rafael looked at his wife.

“Liv, you don’t need to go. You’re exhausted.”

“I do, Rafa. He won’t last long. An hour, tops,” she told him, smiling tiredly. “Then we’ll go home and after he’s asleep you can rub my feet while I pick our favorites out of his haul.”

It was almost exactly an hour later, as predicted, when Noah said, “I’m tired and this bag is heavy. Can we go home?”

He had long since pulled off his mask and Rafael had been carrying his shield for the last fifteen minutes. The three were headed back to Lucia’s, the boy walking between them, when two things happened simultaneously. Noah plucked at his father’s sleeve with a request to be picked up and carried and Olivia’s foot stepped on an uneven piece of pavement, concealed by the reflection of light off the puddle that filled it. Her ankle twisted and she lost her balance. Rafael had turned toward Noah at the feel of his small hand on his sleeve and saw her throw a hand out in his direction to try and keep herself from falling, hitting Noah on the head in the process.

“Ow!” cried Noah.

“Liv!” exclaimed Rafael, reaching for her.

Olivia didn’t know whether to try and break her fall or protect her belly and ended up sitting down hard with her right leg bent beneath her and her left arm curved over her abdomen. Noah and Rafael were at her side immediately.

“Momma, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Noah,” she assured him. “I just tripped on the sidewalk. Help me up.” She held out her hands to her husband, who continued to kneel at her side, his hands running over her belly.

“Did you get hurt? Is the baby all right?”

“Do you need an ambulance?” asked a man who was walking by with his daughter whose fluffy pink princess costume peeked out from under her coat. She was about the same age as Noah and looked enviously at the boy since his costume wasn’t covered.

“No, no, I’m fine.” She addressed Rafael and the stranger. “I’d like to get up please. I’m sitting in a puddle.”

The other man looked at Rafael and nodded. Then the two men each took one of her arms and gently lifted Olivia to her feet. She put down the foot of the ankle that had twisted, testing it before they let go and discovered it was painful to put weight on and shifted her weight to her other leg. She turned to Rafael.

“I think I’ve wrenched my ankle.”

Her husband slid an arm around her waist to support her as the other man released his grip. “I don’t care about your ankle. How’s the baby?”

Before she could answer, the Good Samaritan spoke up. “My wife fell last year when she was pregnant with our son. The doctor said it was a good idea to get checked out just in case and it was. She went into early labor. Not that that’s going to happen to you,” he added hastily seeing the look on Rafael’s face. 

The father-to-be looked down the street. His mother’s house was two doors away. He could see her porch light from where they stood.

“ _ Mijo, _ run and go get  _ Abuela _ ,” he said to Noah. “Tell her Momma fell and hurt her ankle.”

“I can walk back to the house with your help,” Olivia protested, even as she could feel her ankle was swelling inside her boot. “I just need to ice my ankle for a little while and then we can go home.”

“You’re not walking anywhere,” he said firmly.

“ _ Abuela?”  _ said the little girl in the princess dress. “ _ Abuela Lucia  _ is your  _ Abuela? _ Are you Noah? _ ” _

“Yes. You know her?” asked Noah.

“Everyone in the neighborhood knows  _ Abuela Lucia.  _ That must make you Rafael and Olivia,” said the man holding out his hand. “I’m Matt. This is Hollie. Honey, go with Noah and get  _ Abuela Lucia.” _

The two youngsters started off at a run down the sidewalk.

“Walk!” the three adults chorused.

Less than five minutes later, Noah and Hollie returned with Lucia on their heels.

“Rafi, what happened?” she asked, her eyes full of concern. “Olivia, you fell?”

“I’m fine, Lucia. I twisted my ankle but it will be alright after it’s iced and wrapped,” she replied, trying again to put weight on the injured foot but couldn’t. Rafael tightened his grip around her waist.

“I’m taking her to the hospital, Mom. Can you keep Noah?”

“Why, is there something wrong with the baby?” Lucia put a hand on Olivia’s belly.

“No, of course not,” Olivia huffed. 

“We don’t know that,” Rafael argued. “I don’t want to take any chances. You heard what Matt said about his wife.”

“What happened to Rachel?” Lucia turned to her neighbor.

“She fell last year when she was pregnant with Nate and it sent her into early labor,” he told her and the older woman turned to Olivia, concern etched on her face. 

“Olivia, you’re not far enough along to have that baby yet. Let Rafi take you to the hospital. Just to be safe.  _ Por favor. _ ”

She sighed, knowing that even though Lucia said please, it was a formality. There was no getting out of it now.

“Fine.”

“You can take my car. I’ll go get the keys. Can you make it the house?”

Rafael didn’t give her a chance to answer, and scooped her up in his arms bridal style. She made a sound of surprise and put her arms around his neck to hold on as they set off down the sidewalk, Noah trailing behind.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia and Baby Barson get checked out at the hospital. This chapter is just angst and fluff but I promise, nothing is going to happen to the baby.

“Barba, put me down! I’m too heavy,” Olivia protested, but her words fell on deaf ears as she learned something about the man she’d known for more than six years and loved nearly as long: he was more fit than she realized and quite strong.

“Good luck,” called Matt.

“Bye, Noah!” said Hollie.

Lucia took Noah into the house with promises of hot chocolate and Rafael got Olivia settled in the front seat of Lucia’s car, which she had already started to warm up. Then he called her doctor and spoke to the physician on call, who suggested they go to the the hospital where Olivia was planning on delivering the baby on the off chance the fall had caused any problems. Rafael asked if that was a possibility and Olivia, who had closed her eyes waiting for him to complete the call, heard the words “advanced maternal age” from the doctor at the other end of the line. When he ended the call she glared at him.

“Advanced maternal age? Is that a nice way of saying I’m old?”

“He said it, not me, Liv,” her husband said gently, leaning into the car with the intent of fastening her seatbelt. She slapped his hand away.

“I’m not an invalid,”she snapped, yanking the strap from his hand and pulling it across her expansive middle. Would a seatbelt even fit over her in two more months, she wondered.

Rafael closed the car door and went around to get in behind the wheel, saying nothing.

“I’m sorry,” Olivia said after a moment as they made their way through the streets. “I’m just tired and — and my ankle hurts,” she admitted with a small sigh.

He took one hand off the steering wheel and covered hers where it rested on her belly.

“I know,  _ mi amor _ . Has she been busy tonight?”

Olivia stopped and actually thought about the last time she’d felt the baby move. She couldn’t remember, her breath caught in her throat and all she could do was shake her head.

“Liv?”

“I, I can’t remember,” she said in a whisper. Then she did. It was at her desk when she was working on the the last set of forms. She cleared her throat. “It was at work. Oh, God, Rafa. What if --” 

He didn’t let her finish the sentence. “I’m sure she’s fine. All that walking probably put her to sleep.”

Rafael resisted the urge to mash the gas pedal to the floor and flashed her what he hoped was a reassuring smiled.

“We’re almost there.”

He pulled up in front of the Emergency Room entrance and went inside for a wheelchair, explaining his pregnant wife had fallen. After answering some preliminary questions, Olivia was taken to an examination room while Rafael went to park the car. A nurse helped her out of her coat and onto a bed. As Olivia removed her scarf, her badge became visible at her waist. She had stopped carrying her weapon since she was on desk duty.

“Wait, are you Lieutenant Olivia Benson?” the nurse asked, looking at the paperwork on the clipboard.

“Barba now, but yes.” Olivia scooted back to lean against the head of the bed and swung her legs up with a sigh.

“I thought you looked familiar.”

But before the nurse could continue, Rafael appeared in the doorway. “There you are. Have you been seen yet?”

“We’re just getting your wife settled, Mr. Barba,” said the nurse. “Please come in so I can close the door.”

Then she looked at Olivia. “I know you just leaned back, but I’m going to need you to put on a gown. And do you think you can give us a urine specimen?” She placed both the clothing and a plastic cup with a lid on the small counter in the room. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

After she left, Olivia heaved a sigh and swung her legs back over the side of the bed. The long day and her fall was catching up with her and she just wanted to lay down. Rafael lifted her uninjured foot and unzipped her boot, pulling it and her sock off. Then he repeated it more gently with the ankle she’d twisted. With the boot and sock removed, they could see the extent of the swelling, that had been partly controlled by the leather of the boot. She tried to flex it and winced. 

“I don’t think it’s broken.”

Olivia unclipped her badge from her waistband and he put it in his pocket. They worked together to get her undressed and into two hospital gowns; the second worn as a robe since one didn’t cover much of her back. Limping, she made it into the adjoining bathroom and provided the sample and had just gotten back on the bed when the nurse returned. She took Olivia’s blood pressure and temperature then put a label on the specimen cup.

“No bleeding, pain or contractions?” 

“No,” Olivia said and Rafael felt a weight lift off his heart.

“Good. We’re going to hook you up to a monitor for a little while and then the doctor will be in. Pending those results he might want to do an ultrasound,” she explained, unrolling an elastic band with a plastic disc attached to it. 

She slid it behind Olivia’s back and around her belly, securing the velcro ends. As the disc made contact with her skin, they heard the fast whooshing sound of the baby’s heartbeat come out of the receiver that sat on the counter. Rafael had been standing on the side of the bed opposite the nurse and at the sound, he reached out for his wife’s hand and gave it a squeeze. The sound eased both of their concerns. The nurse made a few adjustments on the belt, then she stepped to the counter and flipped a switch. The sound disappeared.

“You don’t have to turn it off,” said Olivia quickly.

“You’re going to be hooked up for at least an hour,” explained the nurse. 

“Can you just turn the volume down?” asked Rafael. He understood Olivia’s desire to listen to the connection with their child.

“Sure.” The nurse turned the sound back on and then twisted a knob so it was just a quiet background sound in the room. “I’ll send an aide in with some water for you and someone will be in to look at your ankle.”

Rafael pushed his sleeve back to look at his watch. “Do you think she could have something to eat? She hasn’t eaten since lunch.”

“I had a snack around 5:00,” Olivia told him. “But I am hungry. I was planning on eating after we were done trick or treating.”

“It doesn’t look like you’re at risk for going into labor tonight, although we’ll need to see what the doctor says. But maybe I can find you a little something,” she said with a wink and left the room, pulling the curtain over to offer some privacy, but leaving the door open.

She returned a few minutes later with a package of peanut butter crackers and the pitcher of water. After eating them, Olivia closed her eyes, listening to the soft sound of their baby’s heartbeat and rubbed circles on her abdomen while Rafael sat beside her. He was no expert, but what they were hearing sounded good to him. She was on the brink of going to sleep when a young doctor in scrubs came in, sliding back the curtain. He introduced himself and set to examining her ankle. As Olivia predicted, it wasn’t broken, just badly sprained. Deftly wrapping it in a support bandage, he slid a pillow beneath her foot and placed a cold pack over her ankle, advising her to stay off of it as much as possible until the swelling was gone, and consider some lower heels for the rest of her pregnancy.

“I told you you needed to stop wearing those boots,” said Rafael after he’d left the room. “They’re a menace.”

“You just want me short than you,” she teased, knowing he actually liked it when she was a little taller than him.

Shortly after, the attending OB-GYN physician came in. He looked at the results of the fetal monitor on a tablet and told them the baby’s heart rate was consistent and in a good range.

“However, given the history of this pregnancy and your advanced maternal age, I’d like to do an ultrasound to take a peek inside,” he told her. “We can do it in here. If that looks good, I see no reason why you can’t go home.”

The doctor left to get the equipment, and Olivia, who had been quiet to that point turned to Rafael.

“Advanced maternal age!” She tried to keep her voice down, as the door was still open. “I’m not that old.”

“I’m sure it’s a medical term and not meant to be insulting,” her husband soothed. “But it looks like everything is good, right? As soon as he does the ultrasound we can go home.”

“Nothing like a waste of time,” she huffed. “I told you my ankle just needed wrapped.”

The obstetrician returned pushing a cart with an ultrasound device.

“Good, let’s get this over with. This bed makes my back hurt,” Olivia told him, shifting on the mattress. 

He frowned. “How long has it been hurting?”

“Just since you were here and left. Why?”

The doctor picked up the tablet that collected the data from the fetal monitor and looked at the screen. “Because you’ve had a couple contractions.”

“Contractions? How? I didn’t feel anything!” Olivia exclaimed, her eyes wide.

“What you thought was back pain,” explained the doctor, “were the contractions.”

“Back labor, right?” asked Rafael. He had read all the way through the books to labor and delivery. Olivia had not.

“Yes, that’s correct.” The doctor showed them on the tablet, the spikes where the monitor had recorded two contractions. They hadn’t lasted long and weren’t very strong. But they were contractions nonetheless.

“I can’t have the baby yet!” she said, panic in her voice. “It’s too soon!”

“Calm down, Liv. Getting upset can’t help the situation,’ her husband said, perching on the edge of the bed and putting an arm around her.

“Your husband’s right,” said the doctor. “I’m going to keep you on the monitor, but I also want to do the ultrasound. Let me know if you have any more pain.”

Olivia took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to calm down. The doctor lowered the head of the bed and proceeded with the ultrasound. Everything looked good on the inside, he told them. The placenta was high on the uterine wall, not near her cervix, so he wasn’t concerned about an abruption if she did happen to go into early labor. As the doctor was putting away the equipment she said, “Oh, there’s another pain.” and tried to reach behind her and rub her back. 

“Roll a bit,” said Rafael. “I’ll rub it for you.” 

She shifted partway onto her side and he rubbed the small of her back.

“Okay, it’s gone.”

“Olivia, I’m going to talk to your O-B, but I think I’d like to keep you overnight. Just to keep an eye on these contractions. They might just be from the shock of the fall and will stop on their own in an hour or two, but I’d rather have you here if something changes overnight, rather than you being at home and rushing back.”

The prospect of spending the night in the hospital didn’t make her happy, but she grudgingly admitted he was right, and nodded.

“Can I stay with her?” Rafael asked.

“No. You need to get Noah from your mom’s and take him home. He’s probably worried by now. We told him we’d be right back.”

“Liv, what he is, is probably sound asleep by now,” he told her.

“You can if you want, but I’ll let you two work this out,” said the doctor. “I’ll go call your O-B and make arrangements to have you admitted on the maternity ward. Someone will come to take you up.”

He left and Rafael turned to Olivia and took her face in his hands. “I’m not leaving you. What if you go into real labor?” 

He kissed her and she could feel his concern hiding close to the surface of his calm facade. She placed her own hands on either side of his face and returned the kiss, trying to convey her understanding of his feelings. The truth was, she didn’t want to stay there alone. When the kiss ended they rested their foreheads together. 

“I’m scared, Rafa.”

“Me too. But the doctor said the contractions weren’t long or strong, so I think that’s good. We just have to wait and see what happens.”

When an orderly came to take Olivia to her room, Rafael left to call his mother, promising to meet her when he was through. Lucia told him to concentrate on his wife and unborn child and she would take care of Noah, who as he had predicted, was asleep. She sent her love to Olivia and said she’d say some prayers. Then he texted both Fin and Amanda to let them know what was happening. Both responded with love and positive thoughts, telling him to let Olivia know not to worry about anything at the precinct. Those tasks completed, he returned to the desk in the ER to ask what room his wife was in and got directed to the 10th floor.

The maternity ward floor had more security than some prisons Rafael had visited. There was a desk right off the elevators where there was a small waiting area. The woman behind the desk wore scrubs, but he wasn’t sure if she was a nurse. With her attitude she easily could have been a plainclothes security guard. She asked him his name, the name of the patient he was there to see and his relationship. Then she gave him a ID badge printed with his name and the word husband in parentheses underneath and Olivia’s. He peeled it from the backing and stuck it on his shirt. The woman pressed a button and large double doors swung inward to reveal a hallway. 

“Room 1010,” she told him.

The doors closed quickly behind him locking with a click. He wondered how one got back out. At the late hour, most of the rooms’ doors were closed. The ones that were open were dark, illuminated by only the light of a television or a dim light. In one he caught a glimpse of a hospital bassinet that held a sleeping infant. In another, a woman sat in a rocking chair, holding her baby. The door to room 1010 was closed and he wondered if she had fallen asleep already. Rafael knocked lightly and pushed the door open.The room was brighter than the ones he’d passed, but still not completely lit.

“Liv?” he said softly as he stepped inside. 

She was half reclined in the hospital bed, her injured ankle propped up on a pillow beneath the blanket and looked as though she might have been crying. When she saw him, she pushed herself higher in the bed and a smile of relief crossed her face.

“Hi! I thought maybe you decided to go after all.” He was at her side in a few steps.

“Never,  _ mi amor _ ,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed facing her and ran a hand down her shoulder and arm, the other one he lay gently on her belly, which he could see still wore the monitor belt. “How are the two of you?”

“Okay, I guess. I had another contraction after I got here. The nurse said it might be from moving around. I’m only allowed out of the bed to go to the bathroom until tomorrow morning. That’s when our doctor will be in to see me. Unless something changes over night.”

Rafael leaned in to kiss her, felt her lips tremble against his and he knew she was on the verge of tears.

“Is there room for me?” He stood and toed off his shoes, moving them out of the way. Then pulled off his hoodie so he just wore the t-shirt beneath with his jeans. His wallet, car keys and her badge came out of his pockets and onto the night table. Then he sat down again beside her and swung his legs up on the bed. 

“Apparently that opens into a bed.” Olivia pointed to a piece of furniture that looked like either a small sofa or an oversized armchair.

“Maybe later,” Rafael told her. “Come here.”

He put his arms around her and pulled her close so that she was partly on her side and had her head on his chest, tucked under his chin. She clutched his shirt in her fist and let out a soundless sob. He ran a hand through her hair.

“Shhh, it’s okay, Livvie,” he said softly. “It’s going to be fine. Our  _ bebecito  _ is going to stay right there where she needs to be.”

She sighed as he rubbed her back and her grip loosened on his shirt as she began to relax for the first time that day. Her day had started stressfully with her headache and the argument with Noah over his costume and it hadn’t really let up all day. Her breathing became deeper and more even as she drifted off to sleep. Rafael pressed a kiss to her head and as she snuggled closer to him, felt the baby kick against his side.

“You just stay where you are,  _ pequeña _ ,” Rafael whispered to his unborn child. “As much as I want to meet you, it’s not time yet.”

He reached for the remote connected to the bed that allowed him to dim the lights and was about to close his own eyes when the door flew open and a nurse came in at a brisk pace, her body language indicating she thought something was wrong. He put a finger to his lips and she stopped when she saw the two of them in the bed. She approached the bed and reached for the monitor belt which had slipped when Oliva moved and had ceased sending signals, setting off an alarm at the nurses station.

“The monitor,” she whispered and Rafael nodded. Olivia didn’t stir when the nurse pulled the blanket down, her gown to the side, repositioned the belt and replaced her gown and the blanket. The screen on the wall began showing the baby’s heartbeat again. Before she left, the nurse took another blanket from a drawer and opened it up to place over Rafael.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

After she had gone, he placed another kiss on his sleeping wife’s head and closed his eyes, offering up a short prayer to keep her and their child safe. When he opened his them again, his arms were empty. Olivia had rolled away from him and was on her other side, one arm curved protectively over her belly. He could see the screen on the wall showed the monitor still tracking the baby’s heartbeat and any contractions she’d had while sleeping. Moving carefully, Rafael climbed off the bed and stretched his stiff muscles. A glance at his watch told him it was a little after 3 a.m. Padding in his socked feet to the bathroom, he closed the door and turned on the light, blinking at his reflection in the mirror over the sink in the sudden brightness. His beard grew quickly and less than twenty four hours since he’d last shaved, already showed a heavy scruff. He ran a hand over his chin wondering when it had started showing so much gray. His green eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and the fine lines at the corners of his eyes were more pronounced. He was a couple years younger than his wife, but still firmly in the throes of middle age.  _ Was this a mistake? Having a baby at their age? _ Noah was pretty self-reliant when it came to things like eating and dressing himself and, at almost six, hadn’t had an accident in more than a year. Now, in a few short months there would be someone completely dependent upon them for everything. He emptied his bladder, washed his hands and face and ran damp hands through his hair. As he turned off the faucet, his ears caught a muted sound from somewhere on the floor. It was the cry of a newborn; possibly its first ones and his stomach fluttered with excitement and emotion at the thought of hearing that sound from his own child. Rafael turned off the light before opening the door. He moved toward the small sofa with the intention of sitting on it, lest opening it wake Olivia. 

“Hey.”

He started when he heard her voice semi-darkness and looked toward the bed. She was awake and on her back, looking at him.

“Hey. I thought you were sleeping.”

“I was.” She pushed up higher on the pillows. “But I woke up when you got off.”

“Sorry.” He stepped closer to the bed. “How do you feel?”

“Tired. My ankle is sore. But okay.” Olivia looked towards the door and the hallway beyond. “Did you hear it?”

“The baby? Yes.”

“That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? The end game. Bringing a new life into the world.” She rubbed her belly and he nodded. “Rafa, I’ll do whatever I have to do. Whatever the doctor tells me. If I have to stop work tomorrow and stay in bed until January to make sure he isn’t born too soon, I’ll do it.”

“Even wear lower heels?” He couldn’t resist teasing.

“I’ll go barefoot if that’s what it takes.”

“Could be a little cold when it snows.”

“Then you’ll just have to carry me again.” He couldn’t see her brown eyes well in the dim light, but heard a bit of sass in her voice.

“You liked that, Benson. Admit it.” He sassed back with a smirk, perching on the edge of the bed.

“Who are you calling Benson? It’s Barba now, remember?” She picked up his left hand and kissed the finger where the gold band resided.

“I remember,” he promised, raising her hand to his lips in return. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm probably taking some liberties with regard to the monitoring equipment. It's been 16 years since I've been around any such things, but it works for my purposes.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia gets discharged from the hospital and she and Rafael begin looking for a new place to live as the baby's due date grows closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby Barson's arrival is getting closer! It seems you all are enjoying this as much as I am writing it. I love reading your comments! Please keep them coming!

Neither bed rest nor bare feet were necessary, Olivia and Rafael were assured by their doctor in the morning. The monitor showed no additional contractions overnight and all other tests were well within normal ranges for both her and the baby. Most likely it was a fluke and had it not been for her falling, she’d not have known and nothing would have come of them, he said. His words greatly relieved the couple and they were sent home after being encouraged to call if anything changed or they had any concerns.

The day was cold and crisp but dry and they exited the hospital to their waiting Uber into bright rays of November sunshine. Any other time, Olivia would have preferred to walk, but with her ankle wrapped she couldn’t get her boot back on and was wearing a pair of slippers sold in the hospital gift shop at a ridiculous price. That, combined with the fact she had on the same clothes she’d worn all day previously made her eager to get home to shower and change. On the way, she called Fin and let him know everything had checked out okay but she was taking the day and would see him the following one. Rafael sat beside her in silence, cradling his second cup of coffee from the cart in the lobby of the hospital. The index finger of one hand was tracing the lip of the paper cup; which told her he was thinking about something. She ended her call, slipped her phone into her pocket and put her hand on his leg.

“What’s on your mind?”

He took a sip from the cup and licked the moisture from his upper lip before speaking.

“A variety of things, actually. One, that I want to wrap you in bubble wrap or keep you in the apartment for the next three months, two, I want to go look at least one of those places you sent me the other day and three that we haven’t talked about names.”  He ticked them off on his fingers.

Olivia leaned over to put her head on his shoulder and slipped her arm through his.

“I’m not sure about the bubble wrap, but in the interest of full disclosure, part of me wouldn’t mind staying in for the next three months. No work, no stress. But another part of me thinks I’d go a little nuts. Plus there’s Thanksgiving and Christmas between now and then. Which places do you want to look at and no, we have not discussed names. Do you have any in mind?”

He shook his head. “I don’t. I just realized when I heard a nurse asking someone what their baby’s name was that we hadn’t even talked about it.”

“Well, I’m sure one of those dozens of books you bought is one of names.” She gave his arm a playful squeeze.

They made arrangements to visit two apartment listings they both liked when they got home and then Rafael insisted Olivia stay off her ankle, hovering over her until she limped into the bedroom and closed the door, telling him to find some work to do. She ended up falling asleep reading a book of baby names -- he had actually bought two -- and woke to find it nearly dusk and the apartment filled with wonderful aromas. One thing she was enjoying about the last stage of her pregnancy was eating. Everything tasted good and she snacked frequently, much to her husband’s amusement because she used to give him a hard time for liking to do so. When he was an ADA, she frequently found him with his hand in a container of pretzels that was kept in the squad room; and even before they were a couple, he knew where she kept snacks for Noah in her office, home and purse. After they moved in together, there were times when she asked her son if he’d been sneaking them when it was Rafael who had diminished the supply.

Rolling to a sitting position, she stood up from the bed, testing her ankle. She was able to put more weight on it now and slowly made her way to the bathroom then out to the living area where her husband and son were going over Noah’s spelling work. Spread out on the table in front of them were piles of Halloween candy.

“Hi, boys,” she said. “Which pile is mine?”

“Momma!” Noah slid off his chair and ran over to put his arms around her as best he could, kissing her belly. “Hi, baby. How are you?” He looked up at his mother. “Is your ankle better?”

“Getting there. I won’t be racing you across the playground for a few days, but it’s better than last night.” She ruffled his soft curls.

“Olivia, I’m so glad everything turned out alright.”

She turned to see Lucia come from the kitchen, an apron tied around her waist. That would be the source of the wonderful smells, Olivia thought. The older woman gave her a warm hug and kissed her cheek.

“Thank you for taking care of Noah last night. And yes, I am too.” She patted her bump. “He needs to cook a little longer.”

“He? You know?” Lucia asked.

“No, my wife just likes to say he because she thinks I’m wrong that it’s a girl,” Rafael told his mother. “We don’t know. Although I suppose we could have asked last night when you had that ultrasound.”

“I don’t want to know,” Olivia said firmly, taking a seat at the table and reaching for a piece of candy from one of the piles.

Her husband pulled out a chair and lifted her injured ankle onto it.

“ _Mijo_ , put your papers away so we can set the table.” He raised an eyebrow when her hand went to the candy a second time.

“And how many pieces have you had?” she challenged.

“Three,” supplied Noah. “I only had one.”

“Tattletale,” his father muttered, walking to the kitchen for plates.

Olivia met her son’s eyes and they both giggled. Lucia appeared with a large bowl and swept the candy into it.

“Well, no one’s having any more. Dinner is ready.”

“ _Abuela_! You mixed them up!” Noah cried with dismay. “Dad and I had them sorted special!”

‘You can re-sort them,” his grandmother replied.

********

Faster than they realized, Thanksgiving was upon them and Olivia and Rafael were no closer to making a decision about moving or baby names than they had been at the beginning of the month. One of the apartments they visited got rented the week after they saw it, much to their disappointment. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, Olivia was rolling out pie crust when Rafael came over, laptop in hand.

“This is perfect. Look.” He showed her a listing for an apartment that was close to Noah’s school and the precinct, had the requisite three bedrooms along with two and half baths. She dusted flour from her hands and scrolled through the information. The photos showed a spacious apartment with high ceilings, hardwood floors, separate living and dining areas and a kitchen that was bigger than either of them had before in their apartments.

“Look at that! A tub and a shower in the master bath,” Olivia said. “It is perfect.” Then her face fell. “But it’s for sale not rent. And look at the price!” She shrugged and picked up her rolling pin to resume working on the pie crust. “So much for that.”

Her husband reached over and took it from her hands, taking them in his and looking into her eyes.

“Liv. Believe me when I say we can buy that apartment if it’s something we want. It’s the best thing we’ve found so far. Let’s make an appointment to look at it.”

Not only was Rafael a stellar attorney, but he was quite the savvy investor. Olivia saw the mail that came from his broker and some of the dividend checks so she definitely believed him. Buying real estate was just such a big decision. She returned her attention to her pie while he called the real estate agency. Black Friday, when the streets of New York City were filled with shoppers, the couple made their way to the address provided by the realtor showing the property. She was waiting for them on the steps of the brownstone where the apartment was located with a frown on her face.

“Mr. and Mrs. Barba?” She extended her hand. “Heidi Polzin.” After they’d exchanged greetings she said, “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but the unit you’ve come to see is already under contract. There was a glitch in the system and it didn’t show up that way when you called about it. I didn’t find out until I arrived and discovered the lock box for the key had been removed.”

Rafael felt Olivia sag against him a little at the realtor’s words. She’d woken up with a headache again and he had told her they could cancel or he would go alone but she insisted on accompanying him.

“Ms. Polzin, I don’t suppose you have anything else nearby that meets our criteria we could see since we’re here?” He asked, rubbing his gloved hand against Olivia’s back.

The agent hesitated for a moment, then replied. “There is a property on the next block. But it’s larger than what you said you were interested in, and a bit more expensive.”

“For rent or sale?”

“Sale.”

“How much more?” Olivia asked. When the woman named the asking price, her eyebrows rose. That was almost a quarter more than the other apartment. She said nothing, as Rafael spoke immediately.

“We’d like to see it.”

The realtor smiled, mentally calculating her increase in commission if she sold this one instead. Then she turned and led the way down the block.

“Rafa,” Olivia said quietly, “what are you thinking? Did you hear how much she said it was?”

“I did. She also said it was bigger,” he replied. “Let’s just see what it looks like, _mi amor_. It never hurts to look.”

Rafael and Olivia followed her up the stone steps at the new location. He held tightly to his wife’s arm as they were covered in a thin layer of ice. She apologized, saying the unit was currently unoccupied. That had Rafael’s brain clicking away. He wondered how long it had been on the market sat empty. That fact alone told him the sellers might be willing to take a lower offer. The agent removed the key from the box on the doorknob and unlocked the front door. She wasn’t exaggerating when she said it was bigger.

“It’s the whole thing?” Olivia asked. “Not just an apartment?”

“The entire space is a single family dwelling. Have you changed your mind?” Polzin saw her commission slipping away. “It’s very lovely. All original hardwood floors throughout.”

“No, we still want to see it,” Rafael assured her, helping his wife across the threshold.

Unoccupied meant no heat was on, or running at a very low temperature and while Olivia removed her gloves and unbuttoned her coat as they stood in the foyer, she left it on, feeling the chill in the air in the house. Polizin shifted into lecture mode and began to explain the features of the house. The ground floor was the main living area with a kitchen more than twice the size of the couple had either ever had in their apartments and included a small eat in area. There was a separate dining room with a large table, left behind by the sellers. The living room had a large fireplace and there was a half bath off the foyer. Adjacent to the kitchen was a laundry room. On the second floor was the master bedroom with its own en suite bath, a second bedroom and full bath. The fireplace in the master and the fact that bathroom had both a tub and shower put a large smile on Olivia’s face and she reached for her husband’s hand and gave it a squeeze. He knew she was picturing them snuggled before the fire and probably enjoying the large tub together. The third floor had two more bedrooms and yet another full bath.

When the trio returned to the second floor, the realtor said, “I’ll leave you two to explore and talk a bit. You can join me downstairs when you’re ready.” She had seen the look in Olivia’s eyes and knew that although she was the one more concerned about price, it wouldn’t take much convincing to get the expectant mother to want to make an offer. The woman also had two more cards she was waiting to share until the couple returned to the main floor.

“Aren’t you glad we agreed to look at this?” Rafael said, walking into the master bedroom to investigate the walk in closets a second time.

“Yes,” Olivia admitted. “It’s wonderful. I just don’t know about having the kids on the third floor.”

“Noah is old enough to be up there, Liv,” he assured her. “And we could put the baby in the room on this floor to start if you want.”

“Maybe put the cradle in here with us for a couple months. It would be nice to make the room on this floor an office but I don’t want to have to decorate two nurseries, or have the baby in a room decorated like an office.”

He returned to where she stood in the doorway of the bathroom, looking longingly at the tub. She hadn’t had a bath in such a long time. There was a standard one in Noah’s bathroom in their apartment, but the sides were usually covered in bath toys and not worth the effort to move, nor lately, get her baby-swollen body in and out. But this one was a large, high sided tub with jacuzzi jets and she thought how wonderful it would be to aim them at her aching back. Putting his arms around her from behind high up on her belly, he put his chin on her shoulder and kissed her cheek.

“So? Do you want to make an offer?”

She turned to face him. “They’re asking a lot of money, Rafael. I know you said we can afford it, but -- “

“Liv, the place is empty. I don’t know how long the previous owners have been moved out, but that gives us room to come in lower than the asking price.”

“I’m going to defer to you on this, my husband,” she kissed him. “It would be nice to have all this room. It is close to Noah’s school and our commutes would be about the same.”

“Let’s go tell Heidi we’ll have an offer for her by tomorrow. I want to crunch some numbers and do some research on the place,” he said, sounding less like a lawyer and more like an investment banker.

Olivia nodded in agreement and they made their way downstairs where the realtor was waiting.

“I’m not the seller’s agent so I don’t know this property as well as I some of my own,” she said with what she hoped was convincing sincerity. “I completely forgot to show you two things that I think might help you make a decision.”

The woman walked to a door that both Olivia and Rafael had assumed was a closet, and slid it back to reveal a modest sized room with built in bookshelves. This time it was Rafael who couldn’t hold back a smile. It would make a perfect home office. He could just see all the books that had been living in boxes at Olivia’s for lack of space lined up on the dark wood.

“And one more thing,” Pilzon said, feeling confident if that room hadn’t just sealed the deal, the combination of the next thing would. She crossed the living area and pulled back a set of drapes that had concealed French doors. “It’s not large, but big enough for children to play in.”

Beyond the doors was a small patio and fenced in yard.

“Noah would love this!” Olivia exclaimed. Not having lived anywhere but their apartment, currently one of his favorite things was going to Lucia’s house where he could play in the backyard (mostly) unsupervised.

“Ms. Pilzon, we were going to tell you we’ll have an offer to you by tomorrow just from the things we’d already seen, but the office and this backyard makes it definite,” Rafael told her.

“Very good, Mr. Barba,” she replied, trying not to let her confidence show. “I’ll be in the office all day tomorrow.”

Olivia and Rafael stopped for some lunch on the way home.

“She deliberately waited to show us those things,” Olivia said, dipping a French fry into a her cup of ranch dressing. 

“Of course she did,” her husband agreed, his hand reaching to steal one of her fries, only to be lightly slapped away.

“You’re the one who chose a side of field greens.”

************

“Moving two weeks before Christmas? _Mijo,_ what are you thinking?” Lucia asked her son over breakfast.

He reached over and pushed Noah’s plate closer to him so that most of the syrup from his blueberry pancakes dripped on it instead of the table and his shirt.

“I’m thinking I want to spend Christmas in our new home and I want to be in it before Olivia goes on maternity leave. Because otherwise, she’ll spend the entire time packing or unpacking instead of relaxing and getting ready for the baby. You know she will.”

Rafael and Noah had met Lucia for breakfast at their favorite diner, having told Olivia they were going Christmas shopping; which they would eventually, but he wanted to enlist his mother’s help before he broached the subject with his wife. He and Olivia had closed on the house already and since it was empty could move in whenever they wanted as long as it was before the apartment lease was up.  

“Will you help me? Surely some of your students would like to make some extra money before the holidays?” he asked his mother.

“I will make an announcement tomorrow,” she promised.

And so, December 15 found the Barba family following a moving truck to their new home. The day was cold and the skies were threatening snow. Rafael had forbidden Olivia from carrying any boxes or standing outside to supervise, much to her annoyance.

“Then bring in kitchen boxes first and I’ll work on getting those things put away. That’s not heavy lifting,” she argued.

“Leave the top shelves for me, though,” he countered.  “I don’t want you climbing on a ladder.”

Olivia offered a small eye roll but inwardly agreed. She didn’t want to be on a step-ladder these days, either. From her vantage point in the kitchen she watched furniture carried in and up the stairs: first Noah’s room and then theirs.

“Mrs. Barba,” called one of the students who helped carry in the furniture, “where do you want Noah’s bed set up?”

She stopped unpacking the box of glassware she was working on and walked to the foot of the stairs. Looking up, she took a breath. Two flights. Pre-pregnancy she had been able to chase down a perp for blocks without a problem. Now, she knew she’d be catching her breath once she reached the third floor. As her foot hit the first step she heard Rafael’s voice behind her.

“Where are you going?”

She turned to see him coming in the front door carrying a box marked TOWELS. “To tell the kids where to set up Noah’s bed.”

“No you’re not. I’ll do it. I have to take these upstairs anyway.”

Olivia huffed in annoyance. “I am capable of walking up the stairs, Barba.”

“I know you are, _Barba_ ,” he shot back. “But the doctor said to stay off your feet if you can, right? You’ll be going up and down these steps enough once we’re living here. Go back to the kitchen. I’ll have one of the kids bring in a stool for you to sit at while you unpack boxes.”

He was right. At her last appointment, the doctor had said the baby had already dropped and was pressing on her cervix. In another month that was a good thing, because it would help it dilate in preparation for birth. But six weeks out he didn’t want that to start just yet. So he’d recommended she avoid standing for extended periods and stairs whenever possible. Since their new home didn’t exactly have an elevator, Rafael had decided she shouldn’t be going up and down if it could be avoided. Olivia was surprised he hadn’t actually looked into putting in an elevator.

“Please, Liv?” He softened his tone, put his box down and stepped closer to her, placing a gentle hand on her belly, feeling the baby move beneath it.

“Okay.” She leaned in and kissed him lingeringly, knowing he was just thinking of her and the baby. He opened his lips to hers to deepen the kiss and she pulled back. “Ah-ah. You have work to do,” Olivia teased. “If I know our son, he’s waiting for someone to come up there so his bed can be put together.”

As if on cue, Noah’s voice came from up the stairs. “Momma! Dad! Where are we putting my bed?”

Rafael sighed against her mouth. “Tonight then. In front of the fireplace in our room.”

“Definitely,” she told him, walking back to the kitchen with a smile on her face as he began to mount the stairs.  
  
“I’m coming, Noah!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me if I've taken liberties describing their house. The only thing I know about NYC brownstones is what I've seen on tv and in movies.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Barba's are moved in to their new house and the parents-to-be discuss baby names.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a just a short fluffy chapter as the baby countdown continues. Enjoy!

True to his word, while Olivia was supervising Noah’s bath, Rafael lit a fire in the fireplace in their bedroom. Knowing his wife would be eager to use it, he’d made sure both it and the one on the main floor were in safe working order before they closed on the house. Their room was set up so the bed faced the fireplace. He placed extra blankets and pillows on the floor at the foot of the bed so they could lean against it. Once Noah was tucked into bed in his new room with Eddie by his side, Rafael said,

“Give me five minutes and meet me in our room.”

“Okay. I have to pee anyway. Big surprise. I’ll just use Noah’s bathroom,” Olivia replied. “But what are you up to?”

“No spoilers,” he said with a grin, starting down the steps to the second floor. “Five minutes.”

When she slowly descended the stairs closer to eight minutes later and pushed open their bedroom door, she saw the room in darkness but for the glowing fireplace and a few candles on the dresser. Rafael was seated on the floor, leaning against the bed, but stood when she entered the room to take her hand and help her lower herself to the blankets. Then he situated himself behind her so she was seated between his legs, leaning against his chest, and he against the bed. She sighed contentedly as he snuggled her in his arms.

“This is perfect. I see this fireplace getting a lot of use,” Olivia said.

“I’m just glad they converted this one to gas. No logs to haul upstairs and no ashes to clean up.”

“Way to kill the mood, Barba.” She gently elbowed him in the ribs.

“Sorry.” He pushed her hair off her neck, pressed a kiss there and said, “You look beautiful by firelight, _mi amor._ ”

Tilting her head to allow him better access to kiss the sensitive spots he knew would get a reaction, she replied between shivers,

“It would be if sitting like this didn’t make me feel like we were in childbirthing class. Next thing you’ll be telling me to close my eyes, relax and control my breathing.”

“There’s nothing wrong with closing your eyes and relaxing, but if you prefer, lie down.”

Olivia shifted to her left side, pulling a pillow to put under her belly and propped her head up on her hand.

“Better?”

“Actually, yes. He likes it better when I lay down.”

“In a few weeks I’ll expect an apology,” Rafael said with a small smirk, repositioning himself on his own side, facing her and reaching a hand out to rub her rounded abdomen. “Because you are having a girl. And speaking of, have you been thinking about names?”

“Yes.” Olivia placed her hand on top of his. “Which do you want first? Boys or girls?”

“Girls of course, because that’s all that matters.” His smirk widened into a grin. She rolled her eyes but humored him.

“I have a few girls’ names in mind, but I think if it is a girl, her middle name should be Lucia.”

Rafael’s grin faded and his face grew serious.

“Really? I mean, my mother would be honored and overjoyed, but what about yours?”

She frowned and waved her hand dismissively. They’d had few conversations about Serena Benson over the years he’d known her and most of them were short and ended quickly, so he knew better than to press.

“Okay then. Lucia as a middle name. What to go before?”

“I thought Eva or Magdalena,” she offered and he nodded. “Or Frances.”

“You want to name my daughter after Rollins’ dog?” His eyebrows shot up toward his hairline. “No,” he said. “I’m dismissing that one for cause.”

“All right,” she granted. “So Eva or Magdalena. What about you? You must have some ideas since you’re dead set this baby is a girl.”

“Isabel,” he said promptly. “Noelle -- it is almost Christmas,” Rafael added when she quirked an eyebrow. “Or Lola.”

“Lola?” She laughed. “Don’t tell me you’re secretly a Barry Manilow fan!”

“It’s a classic song!”

“If you get to dismiss Frances for cause, I’m dismissing Lola.”

“Okay. I did have one more,” he said. “Abigaíl.” The name rolled off his tongue with a latin inflection, the way the words he spoke to her in Spanish did when they made love, and with four syllables instead of the American three.

“Abigaíl,” she repeated it back to him the way he’d said it, although not quite as eloquently. “Abigaíl Lucia Barba. Abbie and Noah. I like it.”

“Me too.”

Rafael closed the space between them to kiss her. Olivia’s hand that had been resting on her belly moved to the back of his neck to keep him in place when he went to pull away when the kiss ended. He felt her smile against his lips.

“I’ve been waiting for this since this afternoon,” she murmured.

“Never let it be said I keep my wife waiting,” he replied, pulling her as close as was possible these days.

Olivia gave herself up to the sensations of her husband’s lips and tongue making her forget her ungainly size and the fact she hadn’t seen her feet in weeks until they were interrupted by an insistent poking from their unborn child. She reluctantly pulled away.

“I think he’s tired of me being in this position,” she said regretfully, giving Rafael one last kiss. “Help me sit up?”

Once she moved into a sitting position, leaning against the bed with pillows at her back, the poking stopped.

“Thanks, little one,” she said, rubbing the spot. Then to Rafael added, “I feel like I should have bruises on the outside from him sometimes. Speaking of him, on the off chance you’re wrong -- “

“I’m not,” he interrupted. “But yes, we can have a boy’s name chosen as well. I did pick out a few.”

“Rafa junior?”

“God no. No, Liv. I don’t want to saddle our child with my Google history.”

“Stop.” She placed a palm to his cheek. “But okay, no Rafael Barba junior. Can he have your middle name?”

“James Rafael Barba? That’s not too bad.”

“James? That’s awfully -- bland,” Olivia said. “Don’t you want something with a little more flare? He is your son. What about Jaime? Or Maximo?”

“Jaime? Liv, do you want the child to be teased? Besides, I don’t want a name that’s too Cuban. I don’t want Noah to think he’s any less my son just because he doesn’t have an ethnic name like mine or his brother’s.”

“Rafa, he would never think that. But okay, less Cuban but not bland. How about Samuel? Or Sebastian? Or Daniel?”

“Daniel Rafael Barba. That’s not bad. But Daniel, not Danny. I still like James though.”

“Then how about we keep both options open?” she suggested. “We don’t have to make a final decision until it has to go on the birth certificate.”

Then she held out a hand.

“Now help me up. I need a snack. I’d like some ice cream, but I won’t send you out for it at this hour. I’ll make do with those chocolate chip cookies I saw you hide.”

He stood and pulled her to her feet. Dropping a kiss on her forehead, Rafael said, “I’ll go get you a snack. Why don’t you get ready for bed and enjoy the fire?”

When he returned to the room a few minutes later, carrying a tray with not only the cookies she requested but a bowl of her favorite strawberry ice cream, Olivia’s eyes lit up.

“When did you get that?”

Knowing they were going to be moving, they had started cleaning out their refrigerator weeks before. That meant not replenishing her supply of gourmet strawberry ice cream when the last was eaten.

“I sent one of the kids out for it,” he told her smugly, “when you and Mami were making the beds.”

“Have I told you how much I love you?” she asked as he placed the tray between them on the bed and joined her on the mattress.

“Enough to share?” There were two spoons beside the bowl.

Taking a bite of a cookie, she tilted her head and considered the question as she chewed. Then picked up a spoon, dipped it into the frozen confection and held it out to him.

“Maybe one bite.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Barba family celebrates Christmas in their new home and a new case brings some shocking news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a nice long chapter for you. The second half, with the shocking news has been written for more than a month. The idea came to me after a discussion on twitter one day. I just needed to get to a point where I could tie it in.

Rafael and Olivia decided to make the holiday in their new home a quiet affair. On Christmas Eve, they hosted a small open house in the afternoon for her detectives and a few of his coworkers. Noah, Jesse and two other children were kept busy decorating cookies for Santa while the adults socialized in the living room where a large tree dominated the space. Olivia hadn’t wanted such a large one, let alone a real tree, but Rafael insisted. The expansive room with tall ceilings demanded one, he said. He and Noah went and chose it, some of Lucia’s students helped get it into the house and stood; and once it was decorated with colorful lights and ornaments, the room filled with the aroma of fresh pine, she had to admit he’d been right. Again.

On her way back from the bathroom since it seemed like the baby had chosen to do a headstand on her bladder that day, she sought him out and smiled, watching as he helped the children put frosting on their cookies. As if he felt her eyes on him, Rafael lifted his head and met her gaze, returning her smile. If anyone had told her last December that this year she would be married and pregnant she’d have said they were crazy, but here they were. Licking the sweet confection from a finger, he left the kids now covering the frosting with sprinkles and made his way across the room to her.

“Having a good time?” he asked, giving her belly a caress and getting a response from a foot, knee, elbow or fist, making his smile broaden.

“Getting tired,” she admitted, reaching out to smooth his tie that sported reindeer; a gift from Noah the year before. “I don’t think I’m going to make Midnight Mass.”

Lucia didn’t expect or ask them to attend Mass with her regularly, but Rafael had always made a tradition of going to Midnight Mass with her. Last year, Olivia and Noah went as well; the boy falling asleep on Rafael’s lap before the second reading. This year, however, while the plan was still for them to go, Lucia fully expected to be by herself in the pew; knowing how tired her daughter in law was getting at the end of her pregnancy and that her son wouldn’t leave her home alone.

“Want me to kick everyone out?” he joked, but she knew he would if she said if she even hinted in the affirmative.

“Just clear me a path to the couch so I can sit down.” Olivia put a hand to his cheek and leaned in to kiss him.

Later that evening the three of them sat in front of the fireplace with Noah in the middle while Rafael read _The Polar Express._ It was Olivia’s eyes, not their son’s who were closed by the time he turned the last page.

“I think Momma’s asleep,” whispered Noah.

“No, she’s not,” his mother replied, not opening her eyes, but reaching over to tickle his side. “But you need to be, otherwise Santa will fly right past.”

Noah scrambled off the couch to stand before his parents.

“We need to put out the cookies first.”

Now she opened her eyes. “You mean you and your father left him some?”

“Yes,” he explained. “ We put Santa’s on his plate before we had any.”

“Noah picked out the best ones for him,” Rafael told her with a wink. All of the cookies the boy decorated were thick with frosting and sprinkles.

“Come on, Momma, we need to pour a glass of milk.” Noah tugged on her arm, trying to pull Olivia to a standing position.

“Daddy, you might need to help him,” she said, extending her other hand to her husband.

Rafael stood and helped Noah pull her to her feet. “Daddy?” he murmured in her ear. “You’ve never called me that before.”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Barba,” she chuckled, putting a hand to the small of her back and stretching. “You’re Noah and the baby’s daddy, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” he said. Noah had been calling him Dad for a few months, but he hadn’t actually heard Olivia refer to him in those terms and it filled him with emotion. He dropped a kiss on her cheek and then swung Noah up in his arms. “Let’s go get Santa’s cookies, _mijo_.”

Once they were sure Noah was asleep, the couple brought out the boy’s gifts, which included a bicycle with training wheels. Now that they were in a house, Rafael was looking forward to teaching him to ride it on the sidewalk and going for rides in the park. Olivia adorned it with a large red bow while her husband placed the rest of the packages under the tree, including a special one for her. Finally they stood back and assessed their work.

“Think we overdid it?” Rafael asked, putting an arm around her waist.

“A little, but this is a special Christmas. It won’t be like this next year. He’ll have to share the holiday with his brother or sister,” Olivia replied.

“Noah will be a fabulous big brother, Liv,” he assured her. “Look how good he is with Jesse.”

“Maybe. We’ll find out soon enough.”

“Soon?” He looked at her with alarm and put his hands on her abdomen. Olivia laughed.

“Not that soon. Come on, Santa. Let’s go to bed.”

Noah was an early riser to begin with but on Christmas morning, he was up when the moon was still hovering above the horizon. Olivia heard the patter of his feet coming down the steps from his room and opened one eye to the clock on the nightstand. She groaned. Rafael was instantly awake and sitting up in bed.

“Liv? What’s wrong?”

“Just the hour that your son is awake,” she mumbled, burying her face in the pillow.

 _Your son._ Her choice of words made him smile in the predawn darkness of the room. He pushed the covers back and swung his feet to the floor.

“I’ll take him back to bed. Read him a book or put Eddie in jail or something. Go back to sleep.”

“I love you.”

Rafael intercepted Noah in the hallway outside their room, took him back upstairs, got him to wait another hour and a half and had about exhausted all his techniques for keeping the child occupied when he heard the toilet flush from the master bath. So did Noah.

“Momma’s awake!” he exclaimed. “Now can we go see what Santa brought?”

“What makes you think he brought anything, _mijo_?” his father teased. The boy looked so crestfallen that the man hurriedly added, “I’m just kidding, Noah. I’m sure there’s piles of presents for you downstairs. You were definitely on the nice list this year.”

“You boys coming to see what Santa brought or do I get to open all the presents myself?” Olivia’s voice carried up the stairs.

“We’re coming!” Noah leapt from bed and ran from the room, leaving Rafael to follow behind, chuckling.

As expected, the bicycle was enthusiastically received and only the lure of the remaining wrapped gifts prevented Noah from taking it to the sidewalk immediately. Olivia and Rafael sat on the couch and watched with cups of tea (decaffeinated) and coffee respectively and it wasn’t long before the living room was littered with wrapping paper and ribbons. The couple had decided because of all the purchases surrounding the house and the impending birth of the baby, they would not exchange gifts that year. So when Noah was occupied with a new Lego set, Olivia was surprised when Rafael handed her a wrapped box.

“Rafa! We said no gifts.” She protested, but the edges of her mouth curled with a small smile. She should have known her husband wouldn’t be able to not give her a Christmas present.

“I know, but this is more of a gift for all of us,” he told her.

“More than this whole house?” She spread her arms wide.

“Just open the box.” He tapped an index finger on the package. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever met who can resist opening a present.”

Olivia’s smile grew wider. “Maybe I like teasing you.”

“You can do that tonight.” Rafael gave her a lopsided grin and a wink, and leaned over to kiss her. “Now, open the present, Lieutenant.”

She pulled on one end of the ribbon and the knot came open with ease, and the red shiny length fell away from the box, which was covered in silver foil paper.

“Did you wrap this yourself, Barba?”

“For God’s sakes, Liv,” he said with a groan of exasperation.

She laughed and flipped over the box to find where the paper overlapped. Then slid a finger beneath and quickly separated it, pulled it off and turned the box back over on her lap. What there was left of it. The box wasn’t large; nor was it small. It was an average sized box and weighed next to nothing. Olivia couldn’t imagine what was inside. Rafael was watching her carefully as she lifted the lid and parted the tissue paper within to reveal a smaller than standard size manila envelope addressed to **Mr. and Mrs. Rafael Barba**. The return address was Rita Calhoun’s law firm. Olivia turned puzzled eyes on her husband.

“What is this, Rafa?”

“Open it.”

She opened the envelope and pulled out a sheaf of folded papers. He reached out and stilled her hands before she unfolded them.

“Wait. I know we haven’t really talked about this, Liv. If this isn’t something you want. If you don’t agree. Calhoun said nothing is finalized until it’s filed with the court, so --”

“Filed…” she echoed, and unfolded the papers, her heart pounding. When she saw the return address Olivia began to suspect what the envelope might hold, but when he said nothing was finalized until it was filed the the court the pieces fell into place. “Did you?”

The pages she held in her hands were adoption papers. Papers that made Noah legally Rafael’s son and changed his last name from Benson to Barba. The words blurred on the page as tears filled her eyes and she set them aside so that no drops would fall on them. She looked first to her -- _their_ son, oblivious to what was going on behind him as he snapped plastic bricks together and then to her husband beside her.

“Oh my God, Rafa. I can’t believe you did this.”

Rafael’s eyes widened at first and he pulled back slightly, thinking she was upset he’d taken the legal step without her consent. Olivia read his reaction on his face, just as she’d learned to read him in the last half dozen years, moved closer and quickly added.

“I’m not upset you did this, no! This is a wonderful Christmas gift!” she spoke quietly but with conviction and the tears spilled from her eyes. He reached out to cup her face in his hands, using his thumbs to brush them away, before he leaned in to kiss her gently.

“I was just thinking about it and, and -- “ he swallowed the lump of emotion in his throat. “I want to be Noah’s father.”

“You are, Rafa,” she whispered, taking his hands and holding them tight on top of her rounded abdomen. “You are. In all the ways that matter.”

“I know. But the baby will have my name --”

“And you want Noah to have it too.”

Rafael nodded.

“Then let’s file the papers and teach him how to spell Barba.”  Olivia smiled at him and pulled him in for another kiss.

*************

Olivia’s phone rang.

“Don’t answer it Liv,” warned her husband.

“I have to. It’s the precinct and Carisi is the only one there, remember? Plus I’m losing anyway.”

It was the day after Christmas and she was technically on maternity leave. But since Fin was away on vacation with Ken, Alejandro and Jaden and Amanda was home sick, she’d told Carisi to call her if anything big came in. She, Rafael and Noah had been playing a game of Star Wars Monopoly before dinner -- a gift from Santa -- and the two of them were beating her soundly; she suspected a little cheating was going on.

“Bens -- Barba,” she still occasionally slipped up when answering work calls, even though they had been married for almost three months. “Hi, Carisi. What’s up?”

“Sorry to bother you, Lieu, but you said to call you if anything big came in and this -- this is big,” he said. She could tell by the tone of his voice that he wasn’t exaggerating. She could also hear his feet on the hard floor of the squad room. It sounded like he was pacing; and probably running his fingers through his hair.

“Carisi, take a breath. What is it?”

At her words, Rafael looked up from the game board and raised his eyebrows at her where she sat sideways on the couch so she could put her feet up. He and Noah were on the floor on the other side of the coffee table. His knees would complain when he stood up, he knew. She met his inquiring glance and shrugged. Her detective hadn’t provided any real information yet.

“So we got a call about a woman being attacked. She was being raped and a passerby stepped in to intervene and the perp stabbed him. He died on the way to the hospital.”

Olivia shook her head. A person tries to help someone and they end up dead. She felt sorry for the man’s family.

“Do we have the rapist in custody?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m on my way.” Olivia ended the call and swung her legs off the couch, using its arm to push herself to her feet.

“Momma, you don’t have to go to work, do you?” said Noah, looking up from counting his Monopoly money.

“I won’t be long, sweet boy. But this is important and Uncle Sonny is the only one there,” she told him, moving as quickly as her nearly nine months pregnant belly allowed toward the stairs, wondering what she was going to put on her feet.

She’d given up her heeled boots the month before after twisting her ankle. She didn’t think she’d be able to get them on even if she wanted to, between her swollen ankles and inability to bend over and zip them. She was standing looking in the closet for possible footwear when Rafael entered the room, a determined look on his face.

“You don’t need to go, Liv.”

“Yes, I do. When a good Samaritan is killed trying to stop a rape --”

“Carisi can handle it and homicide will be involved now, too. And Fin is back from his vacation tomorrow,” he told her.

Olivia turned back to the closet and leaned over as far as her belly would allow to grasp the tops of a pair of black winter boots. They weren’t pretty, but at least they were black. Plus they’d keep her feet warm and dry. New York had actually gotten a white Christmas. Not a lot of snow, but enough to make it look like Christmas. She put one hand against the wall to balance herself and lifted her feet one at a time to slide them into the boots. She pulled off the t-shirt she wore with black maternity pants. It had two arrows. One pointed up at her and said “babe” the other pointed down and said “baby”. Rafael bought it for her on impulse one day and laughed when she told him it would never be worn past the front door. On went one of the few maternity tops that still fit and was appropriate for work. Then she reached into the closet for a bulky black cardigan. Putting on a blazer was out of the question. None of them buttoned and just looked silly at this point. Moving to the mirror, she removed the clip from her hair and ran a brush through it. Good enough, she thought. Rafael hadn’t moved from where he’d stopped just inside the door and now crossed his arms over his chest.

“Olivia. _Mi amor._ I don’t think this is a good idea. It’s dark. It’s cold. You’re nine months pregnant and could barely put on your boots!” He spoke quietly but urgently.

“Rafael, I’m going. I may be on maternity leave but I am still the commanding officer of SVU.” She placed a hand on her belly and then rubbed it with a wince as the baby kicked vigorously and then did a somersault.

“See, even she thinks you should stay home, Liv,” her husband said, with his trademark half smile.

She returned his smile briefly, then replied, “Well, I’m the mom and I get to make the decisions. So would you please call me a car while I get my coat?”

“If you insist on this, then I’m coming with you.”

“No, you need to stay here with Noah. I’ll be with Carisi. And I promise to sit whenever I can.” She put a hand to his face and gave him a brief kiss on the lips. “Now please, call me a car.”

Scowling, Rafael spun and stalked from the room to find his phone. Olivia sighed and rubbed her belly again. “Come on, little one, let’s find Momma’s coat and see what has Uncle Sonny all worked up.”

As she rode in the car to the precinct, the mother-to-be thought maybe she’d been a little hasty in her decision. Her back was aching and she had to pee. Again. But what she told Rafael was correct. She was still the commander of SVU. The squad room was quiet when she exited the elevator, unbuttoning her coat as she went. Even though it was a holiday, the heat was working as if every desk on the floor was filled. Carisi was seated at the round conference table in the corner, looking what she assumed were crime scene photos on an iPad.

“Carisi,” she said and he looked up, a smile breaking over his face.

“Lieu, I can’t believe Barba let you leave!” He got up and helped her remove her coat and pulled out a chair for her to sit down. “How are you feeling?”

“He didn’t want to, but I didn’t give him a choice. I’m large and counting down the days until this baby decides to come out,” she laughed. “How’s Amanda?”

“I talked to her a little while ago and she’s feeling better. Said she was able to keep some ginger ale down,” the tall detective, whose blond hair had more gray in it these days, told her. Amanda Rollins was scheduled to take this day after Christmas shift with him, but had called off with the stomach flu that morning.

“Hope you and Jesse don’t get it,” she replied, then reached for the iPad. “Fill me in.”

Carisi placed his hand on the tablet, hesitating.

“You know I wouldn’t have called you if I didn’t think this was something you needed to be looped in on.”

“Carisi. There is something you’re not telling me. What’s going on?” She had been leaning back in the chair, and now sat forward and looked him in the eyes. “Is the vic someone prominent? Someone we know?”

He looked away from her intense brown gaze. “I shoulda’ called Dodds,” he muttered.

“That would have been a little hard given he’s in Florida working on his golf game,” she told him.

Carisi closed his eyes and took a breath. Then he opened them and forced himself to make eye contact with her again.

“It’s not the rape victim,” he began.

“So the passerby who intervened that was killed,” his lieutenant finished. He nodded. “Who is it, Carisi?”

“Stabler,” Carisi told her. “Elliot Stabler.”

For a moment, Olivia’s vision went black.

“Lieu! Liv! Are you all right?”

Carisi’s voice alerted her to the fact she was holding her breath. _Stop that,_ she thought. _That’s bad for the baby._ She drew a breath and her vision cleared. Her detective was standing over her, his hand on her shoulder, pushing her gently to lean back in the chair.

“Elliot? Elliot Stabler is dead?” she asked, a small part of her brain appreciating the irony that he died trying to prevent the kind of crime he worked all those years solving. “What? How?”

Carisi had run to the breakroom and was back with a glass of water.

“Here, drink this.” He pressed it into her hand.

She took a long sip and tried to focus her thoughts, which were in a million different places. Flashes of the twelve years she spent as Elliot’s partner, her thoughts at how devastated she was when he just up and left, the few bits of contact she’d had from him in the years since, telling her about his kids and Kathy.

“Kathy! Oh my God, I have to tell Kathy!”

“Lieu, it’s okay, someone from Homicide will take care of — “

“No.” She shook her head vigorously. “No, Carisi. I have to tell her.”

“Liv, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Carisi was regretting having called his commanding officer. Her reaction to the news of her first SVU partner’s death alarmed him; especially in her condition. Her face was pale save for two splotches of color on her cheeks and she was breathing heavily as if on the verge of hyperventilating. Then she placed her hands on her rounded abdomen, closed her eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath. Opening her eyes again, she was calmer and more focused; seeming more like the Olivia Benson he knew. But Carisi was afraid it was simply a facade.

She fixed her gaze on him and said firmly, “Get your coat, Carisi. I want to get there before Homicide does. I’m going to go to the restroom while you bring a car around.”

Now he shook his head. “No, I’ll wait for you. Rafael’d kill me if you slipped and fell getting to the car.”

“Rafael might kill you for bringing her here, nine months pregnant and telling her that her former partner was stabbed to death.”

Carisi’s head snapped up and Olivia worked to turn herself in the chair and both looked in the direction of the voice. A scowling Rafael was striding toward them. He had exited the elevator just in time to hear Carisi’s statement.

“Rafael, what are you doing here? Where is Noah?”

“He’s with Amanda and Jesse. They’re closer than my mother. I was coming to give Carisi hell for calling you to begin with and now that I’ve heard about Stabler; well, I’m glad I did. You’re white as a sheet.”

“I’m fine. Amanda’s sick. I hope Noah doesn’t catch it.” She took another sip of the glass in her hand, secretly happy to see her husband, because as much as she didn’t want to admit it, he was right. She shouldn’t have come. “What are you laughing at, Carisi?”

“Lieu, Noah can’t catch what Amanda has. Well, maybe she caught it from you,” he said with a grin.

“What are you talking about Carisi?” She frowned, shifting on the hard chair at the round table, trying to find a comfortable position. “I haven’t been si -- is she pregnant?” The smirk on her detective’s face was all the answer she needed. “She didn’t say anything to me!”

“We weren’t sure until Christmas Eve, and we weren’t planning on telling anyone yet; morning sickness has hit her bad this time. But yes, Amanda’s pregnant.” His blue eyes were sparkling with happiness.

Amanda and Olivia hadn’t seen much of each other in the weeks before Christmas with preparing for the holiday for their children and Olivia getting things settled before going on maternity leave. But the couple times they had both been in the squad room together Amanda had looked a little peaked, she thought as she looked back on it.

“That’s wonderful news,” Olivia told him. “ Congratulations. At least I don’t have to worry about Noah getting sick. That’s the last thing I need right now.”

She finished the water and sat the cup on the table, using it to push herself to her feet. “All right then. Let’s go.”

“No, Liv. I’m taking you home,” Rafael told her her firmly. “Homicide can handle it.”

“I’m not going home, Barba.” She fixed an angry glare at him, knowing she didn’t cut a very imposing figure with her large belly and hand supporting the small of her back, but hoped it would work. “You can either go home or come with us. Carisi, go get the car.”

Rafael exhaled through his nose. She shouldn’t be doing this, but he wasn’t going to let her go alone with Carisi.

“I’ll drive. My car is out front and already warm.”

“Fine.” She gathered up her coat from the chair where she’d dropped it minutes before. _Had it really only been minutes?_ It felt like hours had gone by since she arrived. “I’ll be right back.”

Once inside the privacy of the ladies’ room, Olivia covered her mouth with her hands and allowed herself a quiet whimper of shock and sorrow, but she wouldn’t allow herself cry; because she knew if she started, she wouldn’t be able stop. _Elliot was dead!_ Her hands shook as she worked her pants down to empty her bladder. She was drying her hands when there was a knock at the door.   
  
“Olivia, are you alright?” her husband asked from the other side.

“I’ll be right out.” Another cleansing breath to steady herself, a rub to her back and she picked up her coat and opened the door. Rafael took the coat and helped her on with it.

The three of them rode in silence to the Stabler residence. Once Eli was the only child left at home, Elliot and Kathy had moved out of the house in Queens where they had raised their family into a Brownstone that they renovated together; which did more for their marriage than all the years of counseling had. Rafael pulled up to the curb, killed the engine and Olivia reached for the door handle.

“Wait,” he instructed, “Just stay there, I’ll come help you out in case the sidewalk is icy.”

Olivia huffed but knew she would need help hauling herself and her belly out of the car. Releasing the seatbelt that was stretched to its limits she waited impatiently for her husband to come around from the driver’s side. Carisi was already out and waiting on the sidewalk, knowing better than to try and help her himself. The former ADA was a formidable hovering expectant father and the detective wasn’t going to step on his toes; knowing he would act the same way if it was Amanda. Once out of the car, she leaned against Rafael for a moment, when he put his arm around her as the trio made their way up the stone steps.

Carisi rang the bell and they heard running footsteps approach the door. It was pulled open by a tall boy of about twelve and he was talking before he looked at the people on the steps, ‘Did you forget your keys? It took long enough. Where did you have to go to get the batter -- oh, you’re not my dad.”

Olivia gazed at Eli, the child who born in the back of an ambulance. She had watched him be born and been the first person to hold him. Elliot had to be in court that day and she volunteered to take Kathy to her doctor’s appointment. On the way back, they were in a car accident which forced her into labor. Of all Elliot’s children, Eli most resembled his father. Placing a hand on her own swollen belly, Olivia spoke.

“Hi, Eli. I’m Olivia, a friend of your dad’s. Is your mom home?”

Before he could answer, Kathy appeared behind him asking, “Who’s at the door, Eli?” Then she saw Olivia. It had been a long time since the two women had last seen each other in person. Possibly as long ago as when she had adopted Noah.

“Olivia, what are you doing here?”

“Hi, Kathy. Can we come in please? This is Detective Carisi and this is -- “

“Rafael Barba, your husband. I recognize him from your Christmas card.” The blond woman stepped back to allow them in. “Eli, go text your dad. See what’s taking him so long and tell him he has a surprise visitor.”

Once the group was inside the foyer of the house and the door closed to the elements she took a good look at the brunette. “Olivia, I didn’t know you were pregnant! You couldn’t tell in the photo on your card.”

The other woman patted her belly and smiled. The photo was from their wedding, but the angle and some cropping had disguised her bump at the time. She was prevented from answering by Eli returning from another room.

“Dad’s not answering,” he told his mother.

“Actually, Mrs. Stabler, that’s why we’re here,” said Carisi, wanting to get this over with and his lieutenant back home. “It’s about your husband.”

Kathy Stabler looked at the two police officers standing in her hallway, the pieces clicked into place and all the nightmares she’d had from when Elliot served in the Army and then worked for NYPD came to fruition. Her blue eyes went wide and a hand to her mouth.

“Oh, God. No.”

“I’m very sorry to tell you that Elliot was killed trying to stop a young woman from being raped, Kathy.” Olivia finally allowed the tears she’d held at bay to pool in her eyes as she looked at the new widow.

“No! What? Mom, no!” Eli threw himself at his mother who staggered under the weight of her youngest child. Carisi reached out to steady the pair as she wrapped her arms around her son, who was almost as tall as she.

“Mrs. Stabler, why don’t we go sit down,” he suggested gently.

He steered them down a short hall to a tastefully furnished living room where a tall Christmas tree stood, lights twinkling. The remains of opened gifts were scattered beneath it. Olivia started to follow, but stopped short, putting a hand to her back when the ache that had been there all day suddenly blossomed into a sharp pain.

“Shit!” she hissed.

“What?” It was the first Rafael had spoken since the door to the Stabler home was opened. He wasn’t there in any official capacity other than to take care of his wife.

“Um, remember those contractions I had in October that I didn’t know were contractions because I felt them in my back?”

“Yes.” His eyes narrowed with suspicion and concern.

“Well, my back has been hurting, but it hurts most all the time now, so I didn’t think anything of it. But that right there; that was no ache. That was real pain. I think I might be in labor, Rafa.”

“Jesus, Liv. I told you this was a bad idea. Is it gone?” He put a hand to her back where hers was and raised his voice. “Carisi!”

“The ache is still there, but the sharp pain is gone.”

Carisi appeared in the hallway.

“Liv’s in labor.”

“Maybe.”

“We’re leaving. Now.” Rafael said.

“I need to talk to Kathy,” Olivia told him.

“Did I hear someone say you’re in labor?” Kathy Stabler returned to the hallway. Her face was pale but she was composed. She had been prepared for this news for the last thirty years. Grieving would come later.

“Yes, she is,” Rafael told her.  
  
“Maybe,” Olivia said again.

“She had some contractions back in October that were in her back. That same pain is back but worse,” he explained.

“Do you want to come sit down?” Kathy offered.  
  
“If it’s all the same to you, Mrs. Stabler, I would like to take Olivia home. I’m very sorry for your loss. I heard many good things about your husband.”

“Of course. I understand. Go home and rest, Liv. Labor is called that for a reason.” The mother of five flashed a small smile and reached out to hug her husband’s former partner. “If you need me, just call.”

Olivia looked at Carisi as the pain in her back began to blossom again.

“You good here?”

“All good, Lieu. I’ll call for a patrol car to get back to the station.”

“Then I’m ready to go home,” she said to Rafael, who already had his hand on the doorknob. He could tell by the set of her lips the pain had returned.

The blond man looked at the other and they exchanged nods. “Take care of her, counselor.”

They made their way down the exterior steps to their car parked at the curb. It was fully dark now and light snow was falling. He settled her in the passenger seat and when he was seated beside her turned to look at her as he started the engine.

“You had another one, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Olivia admitted. She was too tired and too achy to play games. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back while they made their way home. She rubbed her belly, silently asking the baby to stay put for a little while longer. Her due date was still about four weeks out. He flipped on the windshield wipers as the snow fell harder.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia goes into labor and Baby Barba is born!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the chapter we've all been waiting for. It's long, but I couldn't stop until I gave you a baby. I was good as I wrote and read the entire thing, but I find myself tearing up as I type this. Silliness! But baby's will do that to you. Even fictional ones.
> 
> Disclaimer: It's been 23 years since I gave birth (my other two were c-sections) and there's a lot I've forgotten, so I'm sure I took some literary license.

The car reached an intersection and stopped at the red light. When it turned green, Rafael didn’t press the gas right away.

Olivia had closed her eyes and wasn’t really aware of where they were; just that they had stopped. She opened them and turned her head to look at him.

“Something wrong with the car?”

“No. Just deciding.”

“Deciding what? There’s a car coming up behind us.”

“Hospital or home.”

If he went straight, it would take them to the hospital. A right turn would take them home.

“Home. I haven’t had any more contractions since we got in the car. Maybe it was just being on my feet,” she said. “Please. I’m not ready to go to the hospital yet. They’ll just send us home.”

There was a honk from behind them.

“Please, Rafa.”

Rafael flipped the turn signal and made the turn, feeling the back end of the car slide a bit as he did.

“Roads are getting bad. Are you --”

“Yes, I’m sure. Home.” Then she put a hand on his arm. “Wait.”

“What? I can turn around at the next block.”

“No, no. What about Noah? He’s still at Amanda’s.”

“Let him spend the night. We’ll get him tomorrow. I’m sure he and Jesse are having fun playing with what Santa brought her.”

“Okay.”

Olivia sighed. She was tired and even though the sharp pains had stopped, her back still ached and it was starting to sink in that Elliot was really dead. Closing her eyes again, she allowed her mind to drift back. He’d been assigned to SVU for six years before she joined the squad. They didn’t immediately hit it off. He was cocky and arrogant, not to mention his anger issues, and had the one thing she always wanted: a family. Of course, she came to learn that the Stabler family wasn’t the perfect one they appeared to be from the outside. But in time she formed a special bond with Elliot Stabler. He was more than her partner. He knew her better than anyone else ever had. He had been her best friend. Until Rafael came along. They worked together for almost thirteen years before he retired without warning. She was devastated at first and then angry, furiously angry; and when he finally reached out to her to try and explain, refused to take his calls, deleting the messages without even listening to them. Finally, her anger ebbed enough that she tracked him down to apologize. Their friendship never returned to the level it once was, but they maintained an acquaintanceship that included sending holiday cards and the occasional email. The news of his untimely death sent her reeling, and now, in the quiet of the car she allowed the sorrow she had kept under control surface. Her eyes filled with tears and she sniffled. Rafael’s head turned toward her at the sound.

“Liv?”

She shook her head, knowing if she opened her mouth, the only thing that would come out would be a sob.

“Is it the baby?” he asked, pulling the car up to the curb in front of their house, mentally calculating how long it would take them to get to the hospital. The roads were completely covered now with about two inches of snow. Olivia shook her head again, closed her eyes and tears ran down her face. She heard the click of his seatbelt releasing and then felt him press his handkerchief into her hand.

“Stabler?” Rafael asked gently and she nodded, covering her face with the linen square, allowing a sob to escape. Biting back a curse aimed at the universe for doing this to her at this stage of her pregnancy, he got out of the car and walked around to her side. Cold air and snow swirled in at her when he opened the door and held out his hand. “Let’s go inside, sweetheart.”

He guided her into the house keeping a strong arm around her waist as they mounted the snow covered steps. In the house he helped her remove her coat and boots. Warming her cold hands in his, wondering where she’d put her gloves, Rafael asked,

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He had never asked about her relationship with Elliot Stabler other than the passing question as it pertained to an old case, and she had volunteered little in the time they’d known each other; even once they started dating. Her husband had always gotten the impression there had been some unrequited affection between the two of them. He’d never met Stabler and now, never would. She shook her head.

“Nothing to talk about. Elliot’s dead.” She huffed a weak laugh. “He died a hero. Stopping a rape.”

“I meant did you want to talk about -- about you and him. Memories.” Rafael shrugged. “You’ve never told me much.”

Her brown eyes, the eyes their unborn child might have inherited, met his and he saw sadness in them.

“What do you want me to tell you, Rafael? Do you want to hear that I loved him? I did. Did he love me back? No. For all the problems he and Kathy had in the years we worked together, they were soulmates. Together since they were teenagers.”

She blinked back more tears; now for Kathy Stabler, having lost the love of her life. Then she whispered, “It took me almost a lifetime to find you. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you, Rafa.”

He cupped her face with his hands and tenderly kissed her cheeks, tasting the salt from her tears and then her lips.

“Olivia, _mi amor,_ we are going to be squabbling until we’re eighty five. Longer. I promise. _Te prometo.”_

She sighed against his mouth and leaned into him. “I love you.”

“I love you. Let’s go upstairs. You should rest. This time tomorrow we could have a baby.”

In their room, he helped her undress and put on the pair of drawstring pants and oversized t shirt she’d been wearing to sleep. As he did, Rafael couldn’t help but admire his wife’s naked form: the curves of her hips, the swollen roundedness of her belly, heavy with their child; her breasts, fuller than they had ever been, ready to fill with nourishment. She had never looked more beautiful. Smoothing the shirt down over her stomach, he caressed it with one hand and slid his other behind her neck to pull her close for a kiss. She hummed against his mouth and opened hers to accept his tongue, bracing herself with a hand against his shoulder. Rafael was contemplating whether there was a position in which they could comfortably make love and if it was even a good idea when he felt her abdomen harden beneath his palm as she simultaneously gripped his shoulder and pulled her mouth from his with a gasp.

“Liv, are you alright?”

Olivia took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, opening her eyes and loosening her grip on his shirt.

“Yes. Yes. It just surprised me. I wasn’t expecting one like that when all the other pain has been in my back,” she told him.

“Did it hurt?” He rubbed soothing circles on her belly.

“A little.”

Rafael looked at his watch.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Noting the time, so we can keep track of the contractions. Wait,” he said, feeling in his pocket for his phone. “I found an app.”

Olivia rolled her eyes. “Of course you did.” She put a hand to his cheek fondly and gave him a quick kiss. “I don’t suppose you’re going to let me walk downstairs for a snack and something to drink.”

“Not a chance,” he replied, putting his phone down on the dresser with the labor app open, having recorded the first contraction. “What do you want?”

“Well, we kind of missed dinner. How about a sandwich? If I really am going into labor I need to eat now, because I probably won’t be able to once we get to the hospital.”

After a light dinner of soup and sandwiches eaten in front of the fireplace in their room, they settled into bed, he with a book and her with a magazine. But Rafael knew she wasn’t reading it by how infrequently she turned the pages.

“You okay? More contractions?”

She shook her head. “No.”

She turned her head to meet his eyes.

“I’m a little scared, Rafa.”

He took the magazine from her hands and held them tight in his own.

“So am I. But we’ll do this together. And in the end we will have a beautiful baby girl.”

“Or boy.”

“Want to bet, Lieutenant? I’m right and you know it.”

“The odds are still 50/50, counselor.”

It was about an hour before dawn when Olivia finally admitted it was time to go to the hospital. After an intermittent start, her contractions became more consistent overnight, although she had been able to get some sleep; but in the last two hours they stayed between six and eight minutes apart and had grown increasingly painful. She could still talk through them, which Rafael said was good; but she was wondering how much longer that was going to last. He helped her put on her socks, helped her down the stairs and into her boots and told her to wait while he started the car, disappearing out the door with her overnight bag. In his absence she paced, rubbing her belly, talking out loud to their unborn child.

“Okay, sweet one, listen up. Let’s keep this moving, all right? I’ve heard about how labor gets going and then stops. We don’t want that to happen. I know it’s a little early, but your daddy and I are ready to meet you. Your big brother too.” She stopped walking as another contraction hit. “That’s right,” Olivia continued. “That’s what we want.”

“Liv, are you okay? Who were you talking to?”

Rafael had returned from the car and was holding her coat. She smiled at him. “The baby. Mark another one in your app and let’s go.”

Even though there were few cars on the streets, the ride to the hospital in the predawn hour took longer than Rafael had calculated. A good six inches of snow had fallen while they slept and kept track of Olivia’s labor pains. Most of it had been plowed, but the roads were still slippery and it had been a long time since he’d driven on those conditions. She kept quiet, allowing him to concentrate, and distracted herself as she felt another contraction coming on by texting Amanda to let her know they were on the way to the hospital.

 

**_Thanks for keeping Noah last night. On the way to the hospital. Contractions around 7 minutes apart. Congratulations, btw. I hear you’re in the same condition. ; )_ **

_Thanks. I just finished dry heaving. Not enjoying this much. Want us to bring Noah?_

**_Please. I want to see him before this gets messy. I’ll have Lucia come get him from the hospital so you and Carisi can get to work._ **

_Okay. See you soon. Just remember to breathe._

 

Olivia got admitted and assigned a room and had just finished putting on a hospital gown when the doctor came in.

“So this little one decided to give you a tax deduction by coming before the end of the year, hmm?” he greeted them.

“I’m more concerned about the baby’s lungs. Isn’t this still too early?” asked Rafael with a frown.

“I’m not,” the doctor assured them. “The baby was a good size at the last ultrasound and 36 weeks on is considered full term and you’re a few days past that, so don’t worry.”

He reviewed the history of her contractions while a nurse strapped on the fetal monitor then gave her an exam to see how much her cervix was dilated.

“Five centimeters. Halfway there. If you feel like walking around, that will help.”

“Do I have to?” Olivia asked.

“No. It’s up to you. If you’re more comfortable in the bed, stay there. You’ve made good progress for a first labor, and the fact that you made it to 36 weeks with your advanced maternal age -- “ Rafael winced at the words, knowing what his wife’s reaction would be and Olivia glared at the doctor. “I know, you don’t like that term. But this is the last time you’ll have to hear it.”

They had been in the room almost two hours when there was a knock at the door and Carisi’s head poked in.

“You decent, Lieu?”

“Come in, Carisi,” Olivia replied, pulling the sheet a little higher over her stomach and trying to relax against the pillows.  A contraction had just passed. The door opened wider and Noah burst in.

“Momma!” He ran to the bed but stopped short of climbing up when he saw the the fetal monitor wires.

“It’s okay sweet boy, you can come up here with me.”

Rafael lifted Noah up and set him next to her. The boy laid a gentle hand on her stomach.

“When will our baby be here?” he asked.

“When it decides it's time to be born,” she said. “Hopefully soon.”

The contractions had gotten closer together and more painful. The doctor said he would give her another hour and then break her water to see if that would speed things up. Olivia just hoped she wouldn’t miss the window of opportunity to get an epidural.

“Are you being good for Aunt Amanda and Uncle Sonny? Abuela will be here soon to take you home with her so they can go to work,” his father told him.

“Yes. Me’n Jesse drew you pictures.” Noah looked at Amanda. “Do you have them?”

She handed him two pieces of paper filled with color crayoned illustrations that he offered to his mother, who quickly handed them off to Rafael and quietly tried to take a deep breath as she felt another contraction coming on. Carisi, who had been standing watching the monitors on the wall with the air of someone who understood exactly what they were showing — and with as many nieces and nephews as he had, he probably did — turned and said,

“Hey, Lieu, looks like you’re having a contra —“

His words were cut off by the glare from both the laboring mother, the father-to-be and his own girlfriend.

“Noah,” Olivia managed to get out, trying to keep her hands relaxed on the sheet. “Why don’t you and Uncle Sonny go find — the cafeteria —“ She stopped, unable to finish, focusing her eyes on a spot across the room and concentrating on breathing.

Carisi plucked the boy off the bed.

“C’mon, buddy, let’s go get some breakfast. Hospitals have the best food. We’ll get your dad some coffee.” The tall detective looked at Rafael who nodded gratefully. His eyes were focused on his wife and he had one of her hands in his, rubbing it with his thumb.

“Okay!” Distracted by the promise of food, Noah didn’t notice the forced smile his mother gave him, and waved as Carisi carried him from the room.

“I think I’d like to order the epidural that was on the room service menu,” Olivia joked when she was able to speak again.

The doctor walked in as she was saying that.

“And I think I can make that happen,” he said with a grin. “Let’s just see how much progress you’ve made. Don’t want the epidural to slow things down.”

“That would be my cue to leave and find my way to the cafeteria before Noah and Carisi eat everything,” said Amanda. She kissed Liv on the cheek and patted her belly. “See you soon, little one.” Looking at Rafael she added, “Tell Lucia to meet us there.”

“Almost six centimeters,” the doctor declared, looking at Olivia from his position at the foot of her bed. “I’ll order that room service for you and the anesthesiologist will be in shortly. In the meantime, let’s break your water to keep things moving along.”

Rafael was holding her hand and she squeezed it, feeling both excited and scared at the development. He lifted it to his lips and gave her the familiar half smile that always made her smile back. The doctor unwrapped something that looked much like the crochet needle Rafael’s Abuelita used to make colorful blankets and said,

“This won’t hurt, but you’ll feel the liquid come out once I break the amniotic sack.”

Almost at once, Olivia felt a gush of warm liquid between her legs. “Ugh.” She made a face that made her husband laugh.

The nurse who had come in for the exam and procedure said, “It’s gross, right? Feels like you peed yourself. Lift your bottom and I’ll change the pad under you.”

“Speaking of peeing, can I get up and do that?” Olivia asked.

“Absolutely,” said the nurse, whose badge said her name was Amber. She pushed the button to raise the top of the bed to a sitting position.

Olivia swung her legs over the side, slid her feet to the floor and straightened. Immediately she had a contraction; longer and harder than any prior and it made her inhale sharply, close her eyes and clutch the edge of the bed.

“Breathe, Liv,” came Rafael’s voice, soft in her ear and she let out the breath she’d instinctively held when the pain hit. He’d rounded the bed to help her to the bathroom and saw on her face that she’d had another contraction before she made a sound. She rested her forehead on his shoulder and concentrated on relaxing her body as much as possible while breathing through the contraction and he rubbed slow circles on her back.

“Wow,” she said when the contraction had subsided. “That was a good one.”

“Someone in here order an epidural?” a woman about Olivia’s age came into the room, pushing an instrument tray.

“Yes, please,” Olivia replied. “I was on my way to the bathroom but I can wait.”

“No, you’d best go now. You won’t be walking around once I’m done,” the anesthesiologist advised her.

“Oh. Okay.” She started to take a step away from the bed but realized she was tethered by the fetal monitor. “Crap.”

“Let’s get this off of you, Olivia. We’ll put it back on after you get the epi,” said Amber, reaching beneath the hospital gown to release the velcro on the monitor belt.

The anesthesiologist reminded Olivia of Melinda Warner, chief medical examiner, in both appearance and manner. These things helped put her a little more at ease knowing she was going to have a needle stuck into the space around her spinal cord. The doctor explained the procedure and moved to the other side of the bed. Olivia glanced at Rafael, “Doesn’t she remind you of Melinda?” she murmured from her position on the edge of the bed where she’d been instructed to sit, with a pillow in her lap.

“Dr. Warner? She does,” he replied.

“Melinda Warner? I’d hope so. She’s my sister,” the anesthesiologist laughed. “Now, bend over as far as you can -- I know, it’s hard -- and hold very still. We want to get this done before your next contraction. Dad, you can hold her hands if it will help. You’re going to feel a little pinch as I numb the area. How do you know Melinda? Wait, Olivia? Are you Olivia Benson? No, don’t move or talk. I’m almost finished.”

Olivia made a small noise as she felt another contraction coming on.

“Hang on. A little pressure. Aaaaand done. Just let me tape this down and you can sit up. Breathe through the pain. This should be the last one you feel.”

The woman helped her sit back in the bed, and then adjusted the epidural drip on the IV pole.

“You’re Warner’s sister?” Rafael asked, rubbing his hand in a slow circle on his wife’s contraction-hard abdomen while she breathed slowly and rhythmically; her eyes closed. “Both doctors?”

“Yes, I just prefer mine breathing,” she smiled and went about cleaning up.

Finally Olivia opened her eyes and focused on the doctor’s credentials. “Belinda? Melinda and Belinda?”

“I go by Bea. I don’t know what our parents were thinking. But when you have two children eleven months apart, I think your brain gets a little fried.” Warner’s sister laughed.

“Nice to meet you Bea. This is my husband, Rafael.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Lieutenant. Does Melinda know you’re in labor?”

Olivia shook her head. “No, but I’m sure when my detectives get to work today, though, she will. My toes are numb. Should they be?”

“Yes. You should be numb from your belly button down,” explained Bea.

Rafael gave the lower part of his wife’s rounded abdomen an exploratory poke. “Feel that?”

She swatted his hand away. “No.”

“Good,” said the anesthesiologist. “Amber will get you hooked back up to the monitor. I suggest you try and get some rest. It was nice to meet you. Good luck.”

A little while later there was a knock at the door and they heard Lucia’s voice say, “Can we come in?” followed by Noah’s.

“Momma, Dad, I’m back.”

Rafael crossed the room and opened the door.

“Hello, _mijo._ I see you found Abuela. Did you have breakfast?”

“I did! Me and Uncle Sonny had pancakes. They didn’t have blueberry ones but they were still good,” Noah said.

“We brought you coffee.” Lucia handed him a large takeout cup which he accepted gratefully and took a deep drink.

“I told him to go get some, but he won’t leave,” Olivia told her mother-in-law, who put a hand on her shoulder and looked at her son fondly; glad he was so different than his own father, who had left her to labor with only her mother for company and encouragement and didn’t even see his son until he was several hours old.

“How are you doing, dear?” the older woman asked.

“Feeling no pain, thanks to the epidural.”

“Then we will let you get some rest. Come on, _nieto,_ let’s go home. We’ll come back as soon as your baby brother or sister is born.” Lucia held a hand out to Noah, who had been looking out the window with his father, at the snow covered New York cityscape, sparkling in the morning sun.

“Are we going to your house or mine?” Noah asked, thinking about the new toys he’d gotten for Christmas; some still fresh in their boxes.

“Yours, if that’s all right with your parents,” she told him, looking at the couple. “I thought I’d make you some meals for the freezer.”

“You don’t have to do that, but thank you,” Rafael said, and fished in his pocket for the house key.

“Good bye, sweet boy,” said Olivia, “We’ll call you as soon as the baby is born.”

Once the door had closed behind them she looked at her husband. “I’d say I’m going to rest but I feel like that door will open again as soon as I close my eyes.”

“Want me to stand guard?”

“No, I want you to come here.” She patted the mattress beside her and tried to scoot over to make room, but it was hard when her bottom half was numb. “These could be our last moments alone.”

“Why, Lieutenant, are you propositioning me?” He raised an eyebrow and she laughed and then sighed contentedly when he joined her on the bed and put his arm around her so she could rest her head on his shoulder.

“No, it’s going to be a while for that, I think,” Olivia said, closing her eyes.

They sat like that for while until she fell asleep. Rafael eased off the mattress and pulled the curtains over the window to darken the room a little. He sent a text to Amanda with an update and to Lucy to let her know the developments overnight. The young woman was excited to meet her new charge and had asked them to let her know as soon as Olivia went into labor. He watched the monitor for a while and realized she was having some strong contractions and was amazed but also grateful she didn’t feel them. The doctor came in while she slept, reduced the epidural dosage and said he’d be back in an hour to check on her progress.

“Rafael.”

His eyes snapped open. He had closed them for a moment, reflecting on everything that had happened in the last nine months. It seemed like just yesterday it was that spring evening when Olivia was folding clothes and he opened the letter from the fertility clinic, not knowing it was going to lead to this moment, when in very short order his wife -- _wife_! -- would bring new life into the world. Life they created together.

“Rafael,” she repeated in a calm but urgent tone that had him on his feet from where he’d been sitting on the sofa by the window and at her side in two strides.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I - I think I need to push,” Olivia told him, a small look of confusion on her face. “I can feel the contractions again. They don’t hurt. But they feel different. There’s pressure too.”

He looked at his watch. The hour since the doctor was last in had passed.

“The doctor turned down the epidural and said he’d be back in an hour to check on you. That was an hour ago. He should be back soon. Is there anything I can do?”

“I’d like some water, please,” Olivia said. “And a blanket. I’m freezing.”

“Maybe ice chips would be better,” he suggested.

“I’m thirsty, Rafa. Ice chips aren’t going to help that,” she snapped.

Biting the inside of his lip to keep from replying, Rafael poured a cup of water from the nearby pitcher, added a straw and handed it to her, then looked in the wardrobe for an extra blanket. He no sooner had it tucked around her when she was pushing it off.

“Oh, my God it’s hot in here!” she exclaimed, lifting her hair from her neck. “Is there something in my bag to pull up my hair?”

He turned to reach for her bag when she said, “Never mind that. The water was a bad idea. I think I’m going to be sick.”

Rafael looked around frantically and grabbed the emesis basin to hand her when she said, “No, false alarm. I’m okay. But I still need something for my hair.”

He placed the basin beside her and turned back to the overnight bag and had just closed his fingers on a hair elastic when he heard retching sounds behind him, then a sniffle.

“Are you alright?” he asked, turning around with his handkerchief in his hand and the elastic dangling from a finger.

She was wiping her mouth with a tissue from the table beside the bed but had tears in her eyes. He reached for the basin.

“Can I take this?” She nodded. He moved it to the bathroom and quickly returned, handing her the handkerchief. Then he gently pulled her hair back and secured it with the elastic.

“What’s wrong with me?” she sniffled again.

“It sounds like transition,” he said.

“Your husband is exactly right,” said the doctor, coming in the door. “Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. Emergency C-section.”

He examined Olivia and declared she was fully dilated. “Do you have the urge to push?”

“Yes. I can feel the contractions again but they don’t really hurt and there’s this pressure,” she told him, her heart starting to pound as she realized it was time; the baby was actually going to be born

“Then let’s get this party started,” the doctor declared, with a wink.

Amber had returned to the room with him and now helped him remove the end of the bed and add stirrups on each side. Rafael looked at them curiously. “For my feet,” Olivia told him, and Amber helped her put a heel in each one, since her legs were still a little numb.

“Not a particularly attractive position but it gets the job done,” Amber said with a laugh.

“Oh, oh,” said Olivia.

“If you need to push, go ahead and give it a try,” encouraged the doctor. “Take a deep breath and bear down. You can hold onto your knees or the backs of your thighs if you need to.”

Rafael watched as Olivia curled into a sitting position and closed her eyes. He held his breath along with her as Amber watched the monitor as the contraction peaked and then ebbed and she relaxed back against the mattress.

“Good job, Olivia,” the doctor said.

“That’s hard,” she said, drawing deep breaths. “Can we raise the bed more?”

The head of the bed was adjusted and during the next contraction, Rafael put his arm around her shoulders to help support her. Again, she collapsed back against the mattress when it ended. Six more times she pushed and Rafael supported her and encouraged her. The doctor told her with the next push the baby’s head would crown. Olivia pushed her hair off her sweaty forehead and shook her head.

“I don’t know if I can.”

“You can, Liv. Just a few more and we’ll have our baby.”

“Help me, Rafa,” she pleaded wearily.

“How? Tell me what to do.”

“Can you -- can you sit behind me? Hold me up?”

They had talked about that kind of birthing position during their classes, but it worked better during a homebirth in a water environment, not in a hospital bed when he was wearing jeans and a sweater.

“Please, Rafa? Another contraction’s coming. I can feel it!”

There was nothing he wouldn’t do for her. Moving quickly, he toed off his shoes and pulled off his sweater so he wore just the undershirt beneath.

“You’re going to have to lean forward so I can get on the bed, Liv,” he said.

Amber grabbed Olivia’s hands and helped her lean forward while he threw one leg over the bed and scooted in behind her. As soon as he was in position, she leaned back against his chest with a sigh of relief and he felt her relax for a moment. Then she tensed up as the contraction crested.

“Push, Olivia,” said Amber.

Rafael reached around his wife and grabbed the backs of her legs, pulling them up as she pushed with the contraction.

“That’s it, Olivia! I can see the head,” the doctor told her. “A little more. Okay, relax.”

Olivia drew in a deep breath and exhaled, leaning back against her husband.

“You can do this, Liv,” he said softly, his lips against her ear. “Let’s have a baby.”

Time seemed to stand still as they worked together; Olivia pushing and him supporting her weight and speaking words of encouragement in her ear in both English and Spanish and suddenly the doctor was saying stop, don’t push, the baby’s head was out. Rafael couldn’t see but knew they were cleaning its nose and mouth. Then the doctor looked up at them and said, “One more push Olivia and you’ll have your baby.”

She drew in one deep breath and with a triumphant cry; the first sound she’d made the entire time, pushed the baby the rest of the way into the world then slumped back against Rafael’s chest, her eyes closing for a moment, then snapping open when she heard the first cry. Looking between her legs, she gasped at the sight of the infant as the doctor lifted it up to lay on her chest.

“Congratulations. It’s a girl,” he said.

“A girl,” she echoed, cradling the baby against her body and turning her head to look at Rafael. He had tears on his cheeks. “You were right, Barba. It was a girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Were you right? Did you guess boy or girl? We will get more of Olivia's thoughts in the next chapter as she reflects on things and talks with Rafael.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the hard work is done and the reward is a new baby girl for Olivia and Rafael. The family spends some time together and Noah gets to meet his baby sister. Oh, the fluff!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I will offer a disclaimer it's been a minimum of 15 years since I was last a new mother and spent time on a maternity floor. My description of Olivia's experiences are a combination of some of mine, things I've heard from other women and things I've made up.
> 
> These characters belong to NBC. Only the plot is mine.

Unable to properly reach her mouth, Rafael kissed Olivia’s neck and shoulder, reaching around her to place his hands on their daughter, who was protesting her entrance into a colder, brighter environment. Her tiny head fit in the palm of his hand and he caressed the dark, damp hair on it, before a nurse reached out to take her.

“Just going to clean her up and take her vitals, Mom,” she said.

Olivia’s arms felt empty without her daughter, but she was now able to turn a little more and share an emotional kiss with Rafael. Resting her forehead against his, she laughed as they both shed a few more tears.

“You did it, Liv,” he whispered.

“We did it. I couldn’t have done it without you, Rafa.” She gave him another kiss but suddenly pulled away and looked at the doctor who was still at the foot of the bed between her legs. “Ow!”

“Just a couple stitches,” he explained. “I had to do a small episiotomy.”

“Guess the epidural’s completely worn off, huh?” Rafael teased, and received a gentle jab from her elbow.

“You can get off my bed now,” Olivia told him in mock anger.

Amber helped her sit forward since the doctor was finished and her husband maneuvered himself from behind her and off the bed. His legs were stiff and his undershirt damp with sweat from both of them. He put his shoes back on and stepped into the adjoining bathroom to strip off his undershirt, wash his hands and run damp hands through his hair before pulling his sweater back on. Olivia was getting cleaned up too, but the same nurse who took the baby was holding her again as he exited the bathroom. The baby was now swaddled in a blanket and had a knitted cap on her head, adorned with a floppy pink bow.

“Want to hold your daughter?” she said with a smile, knowing it was a rhetorical question, since Rafael had already taken a step toward her with an anticipatory look on his face. The nurse transferred the baby expertly into his arms and stepped back, pausing for a moment to make sure he was comfortable. Twenty years of working with newborns and she still loved seeing the look on parent’s faces the first time they got a good look at their child. Rafael Barba did not disappoint. He struggled to get his emotions in check but couldn’t hold back the look of sheer awe and delight at the tiny girl in his arms.

“Looks like your wife is cleaned up. Would you like me to take a photo of the three of you together before it gets crazy with family?” the nurse offered.

Rafael found his phone on the small sofa where he’d left it what felt eons ago and handed it to her. Then he sat beside Olivia, who was in a fresh hospital gown and upright in the bed, clean sheets pulled up over her legs. She looked weary, but Rafael thought she’d never looked more beautiful.

“Hey,” he said softly, giving her a kiss. “You okay?”

“I’m tired,” Olivia replied. “And hungry.”

“We can take care of that,” said the nurse, who had already snapped a few photos without the new parents noticing,. They turned to face her and posed for a few more. Then she handed the phone back and said she’d see about getting Oliva some lunch.

“Guess we need to break the news,” Rafael said, reluctant to share his wife and child with the rest of their family just yet. But as he looked at his phone, there were texts from Carisi, Lucy and of course his mother, asking for updates. They’d come in while he and Olivia were otherwise occupied.

“Send one of the photos. See who replies first and who notices the bow on her hat.” Olivia took the baby from his arms. Her eyes were closed and the new mother wondered what color they were. One small hand had worked its way out of the swaddling and she touched it reverently, amazing at the tiny fingers and nails.

As he swiped through the photos, Rafael discovered the ones the nurse had taken of them without them realizing and his breath caught at the look of love on both his and Olivia’s faces as they had greeted each other. He would frame one of those for her, he decided. Then he chose one of the posed ones to send out as a group text. As expected, his mother was the first to respond, but it was Amanda who noticed the bow.

 

 ** _A girl!_** **_What’s her name?_** Rollins replied.

 **_What? A niña?_ ** said Lucia’s text. **_How do you know?_ **

**_The bow on her hat. Jesse had one too._ **

 

Rafael’s phone rang with his mother's face on the screen.

“Hi, mom.”

“Rafi, a niña! What’s her name?”

“Why don’t you bring Noah to meet his sister and we’ll tell both of you?”

Olivia had just finished her first attempt at nursing when there was a knock at the door. She recovered herself and lifted the baby to her shoulder, patting gently, nodding to her husband, knowing it was probably their son and Lucia.

“Momma!” Noah barrelled across the room, happy his mother was looking less stressed than the last time he saw her.

“Hello, sweet boy! Are you ready to meet your sister?” Olivia asked. “Can you climb up beside me?”

Noah clambered up the side of the hospital bed and sat down as she moved the baby down from her shoulder so he could see her.

“She’s so little! Does she have hair? What color are her eyes? What’s her name?” The rapid fire questions made the adults chuckle. Lucia and Rafael had drawn close to the bed on the other side.

“Babies are little, _mijo_ ,” his father told him. Then he slid the knitted cap off the newborn’s head to reveal her dark hair. The short tufts stood on end from the static.

“Do you think her hair will be curly like mine?” Noah asked, reaching out a small finger to touch it ever so gently.

His parents exchanged glances over his head. Their son got his curly hair from his birth father, but now wasn’t the time to even consider that subject.

“Maybe,” said Olivia, after swallowing down the lump of emotion that had formed in her throat watching the two children. “Her eyes are gray right now. They could stay that way, turn blue like yours, but I think they’ll be green like Daddy’s.”

Hers met the ones she mentioned and they exchanged smiles. Olivia had been more than pleased to see their daughter’s eyes weren’t brown like her own. Lucia spoke for the first time, reaching out to caress her granddaughter’s head.

“Did you decide on a name?”

The new parents knew she was longing to hold her, so Olivia stretched out her arms.

“Lucia, would you like to hold her?”

As the older woman transferred the infant into her own arms, she opened her eyes. Lucia smiled, “Her eyes look just like yours, Rafael.”

He put an arm around his mother’s shoulder and said, “Her name is Abigaíl. Abigaíl Lucia Barba.”

“Lucia,” piped up Noah. “That’s your name, Abuela!”

“Yes, and we wanted your sister to have it too,” said Rafael.

“Oh, Rafi. Olivia.” Lucia put the hand not holding the baby over her heart, and blinked back tears.

He tightened his arm around her and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“Abigail,” repeated Noah. “There’s a girl at school with that name. We call her Abbie.”

“We can call her that too,” his mother said.

“You said it different, Dad.”

“It’s the Spanish pronunciation, _nieto_ ,” Lucia told him, repeating the name, allowing the syllables to roll off her tongue. “It’s beautiful. Just like your sister.”

The six year old attempted to say it the same way and struggled. His father ruffled his hair and said, “We’ll start working on your Spanish, _mijo_. You’ll be able to say it.”

“Can I hold her?” Noah asked.

Lucia looked at Olivia, who nodded. “Go sit on the sofa. Scoot all the way back and Abuela will give her to you.”

Rafael helped him down from the bed and Noah settled himself as directed. His grandmother placed Abigail in his arms, helping him to adjust them to keep her head supported. His father discreetly snapped some photos on his phone.

“Hi, Abbie,” said Noah. “I’m your big brother, Noah. I already know how to play with girls, because I have a best friend who is a girl. Her name is Jesse. When you get bigger, we can all play together.” He looked up at his father and grandmother.  “She’s smiling at me!”

As expected, Noah’s interested in holding his sister waned quickly, and Rafael took the baby from him and placed her in the rolling hospital bassinet that had a pink card that read:

 

**BABY GIRL BARBA**

**December 27**

**8 lbs 2 oz, 21 3/4”**

 

There were other notes about her physician and that she was being breastfed in hospital shorthand. Rafael made a mental note to remind Liv to take the card home for Abigail’s baby book. His phone vibrated with an incoming text. It was from Amanda, asking if they could stop by. He looked at Olivia, who was struggling to keep her eyes open, listening to Noah talk about what he and Lucia had been doing. He replied later would be better. That Olivia needed to rest. Amanda said she understood and she and Carisi would stop by when they got off their shift that evening. Lucia, too, saw the new mother’s energy flagging and declared it was time to end the visit. Noah balked at leaving his parents so quickly after seeing them, but his grandmother reminded him they were going to go pick out a present for Abigail and that they could call later. After hugs and kisses to Rafael and Olivia and a gentle pat on his sister’s head, Noah and Lucia left and Olivia leaned back in the bed with a sigh.

“How long do you think she’ll sleep before -- “

She was interrupted by a wail from the bassinet. Rafael chuckled.

“I’ll get her.”

“Good. Change her first, please, before you bring her to me.”

“Change her?” His voice went up half an octave. He had never changed a diaper before in his life.

“Scared of a dirty diaper, Barba?” Olivia was tired, but she wasn’t so tired she couldn’t toss a verbal jab at her husband.

She raised an eyebrow as he looked from her to their daughter, whose fussing was increasing in volume. He might be a little put off at the prospect, he couldn’t bear to hear Abigail cry. Pushing up his sleeves, he approached the bassinet with the same confident swagger he used to approach a witness on the stand. As he removed the blanket from around her, he began to talk to her softly.

“ _Hola pequeña,_ there’s no need to cry. _Papa_ is here. We’re going to get you cleaned up and then your _mama_ will feed you.”

At the sound of his voice, her cries began to subside. Olivia blinked away the tears that formed in her eyes watching him speak so tenderly to their daughter. She watched with interest. He continued a running commentary of what he was doing as he located a clean diaper and wipes in the drawer of the bassinet. Olivia wasn’t sure if it was to convince himself he was doing it right or to keep her attention. Either way, he successfully managed to clean her up and fasten on a fresh diaper. He examined curiously the clip that was on the stump of her umbilical cord.

“Does she need the cap back on?” he asked.

“Probably not as long as we keep her wrapped up. It’s pretty warm in here,” replied Olivia.

Rafael flipped the corners of the blankets back over her and scooped her up, one hand under her head and other other under her bottom, looking more confident than he felt, and carried her to his wife. Abigail latched on and sucked hungrily, but Olivia wasn’t sure she was getting anything, and said so to her husband, adding,

“You read all the books, am I doing something wrong?”

“I don’t think so. From what I remember, it takes a day or two for actual breast milk to be produced. At first it’s just something called colostrum,” he told her, perching on the edge of the bed beside her, gently brushing a finger over the baby’s head.

The word struck a familiar chord in Olivia’s exhausted postpartum brain and she remembered reading the same thing. She closed her eyes as Abigail nursed but opened them a few minutes later when the baby pulled her mouth off. Putting her to her shoulder, Olivia patted her back, earning a small burp for her efforts. Then she switched her hold and placed the baby to her other breast.

“When will she want to do this again?” Rafael asked when the process was completed. Olivia shrugged.

“Two hours?”

“Then you get two hours of sleep. Let me hold her.”

Olivia placed a kiss on the baby’s downey head and handed her to him without argument. He bent over and gave her a tender kiss.

“I love you.”

She smiled tiredly at him. “I love you too.”

She closed her eyes and was asleep in minutes. Rafael and Abigail settled onto the sofa. The infant was asleep as well, but he didn’t want to put her back in her bassinet. But then his stomach growled loudly, reminding him he hadn’t eaten yet that day. There was an apple left on the tray they’d brought for Olivia, and he reached for it, taking a bite. It would do for now. He wondered if he could ask Rollins or Carisi to bring him some dinner. As if reading his mind, an aide pushed open the door and entered the room quietly. See Olivia sleeping, she dimmed the lights slightly and crossed to where he was seated. She held out a piece of paper to him.

“What would you and your wife like for dinner, Mr. Barba?” she asked quietly, followed by, “And will you be rooming in with her and the baby tonight?”

“That’s allowed?” He thought he’d be returning home to sleep alone in their bed. It was a disheartening one as he and Olivia had spent less than five nights apart since they’d moved in together.

“Yes. Many new fathers room in. That sofa you’re on turns into a bed. That’s why I was asking, so I could bring in bed linens for you,” the aide explained.

He told her he would be rooming in then, and decided on dinner choices for the two of them. Food needs remedied, Rafael realized he would need at least clean underwear and a shirt for tomorrow as well as toiletries. Olivia had those things in her bag, but since he didn’t realize he could stay, had brought nothing for himself. He texted his mother to ask if she would stay with Noah for the night, adding that Rollins or Carisi would be stopping by to pick up some things for him. He knew replies from both her and one of the detectives would be positive. They were. Lucia was more than happy to stay with Noah and put a few things together for someone to pick up. Amanda said she and Carisi would go to the house before coming to the hospital.

Abigail and Olivia woke at the same time, and the diaper changing and nursing routine repeated itself. When they were done, Liv said, “I need to get out of this bed. I have to pee in the worst way and I need to stretch my legs.”

“Do you want me to call a nurse?” Rafael asked, returning the baby to her bassinet. She shook her head.

“I don’t think so.”

Throwing back the sheets, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and lowered it until her feet touched the floor. For the first time she noticed how well appointed the room really was. The floor looked like hardwood, but she was sure it was some kind of fancy tile that cleaned up easier. The walls were painted a soft gray with mauve accents. She straightened up tentatively, holding onto the bed. Rafael had come to her side and had grasped her arm.

“I’m good,” she said.

Her legs were a little weak and sore, but otherwise she didn’t think she’d have a problem making the few steps to the bathroom. However, Olivia was unprepared for the gush of blood between her legs. The nurses had put a large, diaper sized sanitary pad on her, held in place by a pair of stretchy, nearly fishnet mesh panties after the delivery and now she realized why and was grateful.

“Ugh.”

“What?” Rafael asked.

“You don’t want to know.” She made a face. “But I’m fine.”

In the bathroom she found more of the large pads and another pair of mesh panties and wondered if she was allowed to shower. She decided to wait and ask the nurse the next time one stopped in to check on her. Cleaning up the best she could at the sink, she lined the mesh panties with the large pad and pulled them back on. She opened the door,

“Could you bring me my toothbrush and hairbrush?”

Rafael delivered them to her promptly and she freshened her mouth and brushed her hair, re-securing it in a ponytail. Feeling a little more human, she exited the bathroom to discover two dinner trays had been delivered.

“I get dinner too, and I can stay with you and Abigail tonight,” Rafael told her with a happy, lopsided smile.

“I was afraid I’d be sleeping alone,” she admitted.

“Me too.” He waved a hand at the sofa. “That turns into a bed, but I may have to sneak in a snuggle.”

Olivia smiled happily, then looked at the dinner trays. “I’m starved.”


End file.
